Tuesday, March 11, 2008
looking through his phone
Dear heart,
it's bad. i know. i didn't want to but the old joanne was so curious to know what was going on behind the scenes. this happened last night by the way. we went to a powwow yesterday, saw my boss les, and then went to eat at olive garden. after, we went to the block and planned to watch a movie but it didn't happen because we were both tired. i bought a love poem book james recommended and the sequel to the diary of a wimpy kid. we took some booth pictures and we look really funny. anyway we get home, try to hold off on sex until after his shower but i tease him. sex was SO good- you don't even know!
while he showers i see it sitting atop his dresser. it taunts me and calls out my name. he just got in the shower and i could hear the water. i walk over to his phone, open it and read the inbox. it had messages mostly from me but some from stacey. i got a bit weirded out that she would have a message that started with "new haircut" like who cares about you! but then i remember their daughter.
i close it and lay back down. i feel ever more guilty that i found nothing. oh wait! what about the sent messages?! i got up the nerve check again and there it was. i text to stacey "it was nice talking to you today. i miss your voice i don't know why. have a great day beautiful." blood rushed to my face. are you serious? is this michael and gloria relived? my heart fell and i felt so discouraged. i close the evil phone and lay down. i didn't even have plans to leave or to have him come into his room and find that i'm gone. none of that. just knowing i won't be able to act like nothing is wrong. and then the thought occured to me: he has talked to stacey many times over in front of me and never did he sound mildly affectionate. it was probably for his daughter who he probably texted. he talks to her like that.
then it made me feel worse that i almost acted stupid for something i wasn't supposed to be doing to a guy who deserves better than that.
it's bad. i know. i didn't want to but the old joanne was so curious to know what was going on behind the scenes. this happened last night by the way. we went to a powwow yesterday, saw my boss les, and then went to eat at olive garden. after, we went to the block and planned to watch a movie but it didn't happen because we were both tired. i bought a love poem book james recommended and the sequel to the diary of a wimpy kid. we took some booth pictures and we look really funny. anyway we get home, try to hold off on sex until after his shower but i tease him. sex was SO good- you don't even know!
while he showers i see it sitting atop his dresser. it taunts me and calls out my name. he just got in the shower and i could hear the water. i walk over to his phone, open it and read the inbox. it had messages mostly from me but some from stacey. i got a bit weirded out that she would have a message that started with "new haircut" like who cares about you! but then i remember their daughter.
i close it and lay back down. i feel ever more guilty that i found nothing. oh wait! what about the sent messages?! i got up the nerve check again and there it was. i text to stacey "it was nice talking to you today. i miss your voice i don't know why. have a great day beautiful." blood rushed to my face. are you serious? is this michael and gloria relived? my heart fell and i felt so discouraged. i close the evil phone and lay down. i didn't even have plans to leave or to have him come into his room and find that i'm gone. none of that. just knowing i won't be able to act like nothing is wrong. and then the thought occured to me: he has talked to stacey many times over in front of me and never did he sound mildly affectionate. it was probably for his daughter who he probably texted. he talks to her like that.
then it made me feel worse that i almost acted stupid for something i wasn't supposed to be doing to a guy who deserves better than that.
this heart of mine was broken at 12:59:00 AM
0 people tried to mend this shattered heart
0 people tried to mend this shattered heart