Sunday, February 03, 2008
underneath it all
Dear heart,
despite my efforts to mask my feminine tendencies, i have come to realize that i am just like any other person in this world who wants to find love and keep it for the rest of your life. i guess it doesn't matter if i ever get married, have kids, or any of that. i just want a partner in my life that i love romantically, physically, emotionally, and mentally. no matter how many men i go through out of boredom, fear, or just plain rejection- i have faith that there is someone out there for me who won't be in it just to hurt me. some nice guy that can actually make me a better person rather than get irritated of them and eventually taking them for granted.
i don't know if its because he is the only candidate, but james just suprises me sometimes. there are really moments where i don't understand why we aren't together. i have so much fun with him! every conversation we have is this seamless intricacy of witty jokes, daily occurances, or just deep moral/ethical issues. then we're around each other and i literally feel like i'm high. him being around me just makes me feel good and giddy and... well, just happy. i don't know if i make him feel anything close to that and most of the time i try to hide the fact that he affects me that much, but its there.
it's gotten to that scary portion where even though i wanted to, i couldn't just walk away from this unscathed.
despite my efforts to mask my feminine tendencies, i have come to realize that i am just like any other person in this world who wants to find love and keep it for the rest of your life. i guess it doesn't matter if i ever get married, have kids, or any of that. i just want a partner in my life that i love romantically, physically, emotionally, and mentally. no matter how many men i go through out of boredom, fear, or just plain rejection- i have faith that there is someone out there for me who won't be in it just to hurt me. some nice guy that can actually make me a better person rather than get irritated of them and eventually taking them for granted.
i don't know if its because he is the only candidate, but james just suprises me sometimes. there are really moments where i don't understand why we aren't together. i have so much fun with him! every conversation we have is this seamless intricacy of witty jokes, daily occurances, or just deep moral/ethical issues. then we're around each other and i literally feel like i'm high. him being around me just makes me feel good and giddy and... well, just happy. i don't know if i make him feel anything close to that and most of the time i try to hide the fact that he affects me that much, but its there.
it's gotten to that scary portion where even though i wanted to, i couldn't just walk away from this unscathed.
this heart of mine was broken at 9:33:00 PM
0 people tried to mend this shattered heart
0 people tried to mend this shattered heart