Thursday, February 14, 2008
trying not to freak out about valentines day
Dear heart,
ok i don't know why james is being so weird about valentines day. when we're around each other, i sometimes feel like he could plan something great because he likes me that much. and at the same time, i feel like i'm just expecting way too much. maybe since we aren't even together he doesn't want the pressure of valentines day. i mean, whether he does/gets me something or not does not affect how i feel about him. i like him. i love where we are. i just want some kind of acknowledgement like he might actually want to do something nice for me on a romantic day. maybe to show me that i'm not just some chick he sleeps with. i don't even care if he hand picks a flower or gives me a paperclip shaped as a heart- i'll be happy with anything.
ok so i came to his place and i was asking what he was doing tomorrow and he said he might play basketball. i asked him when he'd be done and he said he didn't know. it almost frustrated me that he'd rather play sports than leave a slot open for me on valentines day. then the kissing and holding crap makes me believe otherwise. it makes me want to believe there is something more. that he'll suprise me at work because he was asking when i went in and when i got off. i don't know. if he decides to play basketball, i'm just going to dinner with the girls. i don't want that pressure or stress of waiting for him, yet again. maybe i shouldn't call. he should call. i feel kinda anxious about this whole thing. maybe i'm putting too much faith in what we have? maybe i think there's something between us that really is only coming from my end!
i can't take this. it's making me nuts. i don't even want to think about it anymore. valentines day is a holiday invented by greeting cards so why am i letting it affect me so? ugh!
i hate that i'm still randomly picturing him showing up to my work with flowers and me actually smiling about it right now. then i just switch back and forth between that and seeing myself waiting for that moment and end up feeling more hopeless with every minute that passes that he really doesn't care about me enough to outwardly spend valentines day with me. =(
i'm done. good night.
ok i don't know why james is being so weird about valentines day. when we're around each other, i sometimes feel like he could plan something great because he likes me that much. and at the same time, i feel like i'm just expecting way too much. maybe since we aren't even together he doesn't want the pressure of valentines day. i mean, whether he does/gets me something or not does not affect how i feel about him. i like him. i love where we are. i just want some kind of acknowledgement like he might actually want to do something nice for me on a romantic day. maybe to show me that i'm not just some chick he sleeps with. i don't even care if he hand picks a flower or gives me a paperclip shaped as a heart- i'll be happy with anything.
ok so i came to his place and i was asking what he was doing tomorrow and he said he might play basketball. i asked him when he'd be done and he said he didn't know. it almost frustrated me that he'd rather play sports than leave a slot open for me on valentines day. then the kissing and holding crap makes me believe otherwise. it makes me want to believe there is something more. that he'll suprise me at work because he was asking when i went in and when i got off. i don't know. if he decides to play basketball, i'm just going to dinner with the girls. i don't want that pressure or stress of waiting for him, yet again. maybe i shouldn't call. he should call. i feel kinda anxious about this whole thing. maybe i'm putting too much faith in what we have? maybe i think there's something between us that really is only coming from my end!
i can't take this. it's making me nuts. i don't even want to think about it anymore. valentines day is a holiday invented by greeting cards so why am i letting it affect me so? ugh!
i hate that i'm still randomly picturing him showing up to my work with flowers and me actually smiling about it right now. then i just switch back and forth between that and seeing myself waiting for that moment and end up feeling more hopeless with every minute that passes that he really doesn't care about me enough to outwardly spend valentines day with me. =(
i'm done. good night.
this heart of mine was broken at 12:53:00 AM
0 people tried to mend this shattered heart
0 people tried to mend this shattered heart