Monday, January 07, 2008
when have i had enough?
Dear heart,
there's a weird embalance between the happiness i feel when i am with him and the utter devestation when we are apart. it's not even missing him but his flakiness and unavailability. maybe its the thing that has kept me interested all this time but... now it's come to a point where it hurts sometimes. i don't handle missed calls well.
right now i call him and i guess he was sleeping but he answered anyway. then he said it was ok cuz he had to turn off his dvd player anyway. he told me he was thinking of calling me earlier today. that he argued with himself about it and i guess the part that did not call won. then i asked for his reason why and he said something maybe i was ___ and i couldn't hear. when i asked him to repeat himself, he just hung up. now he's not answering his phone. i don't get it.
i should just end things. he's making me want to revert to the throwing up business. i hate it. it's all i could think of. i'm too f*cking nice to him. i treat him too damn special. he's not worth it. really, no one is. does he even know how lucky he is to have someone like me? i have a good job, a car, going to school, i'm popular with the boys but all i seem to want is him. maybe i make that too obvious and he thinks he can use it against me. well, i'm not going to answer his calls if he doesn't call me back tonight.
there's a weird embalance between the happiness i feel when i am with him and the utter devestation when we are apart. it's not even missing him but his flakiness and unavailability. maybe its the thing that has kept me interested all this time but... now it's come to a point where it hurts sometimes. i don't handle missed calls well.
right now i call him and i guess he was sleeping but he answered anyway. then he said it was ok cuz he had to turn off his dvd player anyway. he told me he was thinking of calling me earlier today. that he argued with himself about it and i guess the part that did not call won. then i asked for his reason why and he said something maybe i was ___ and i couldn't hear. when i asked him to repeat himself, he just hung up. now he's not answering his phone. i don't get it.
i should just end things. he's making me want to revert to the throwing up business. i hate it. it's all i could think of. i'm too f*cking nice to him. i treat him too damn special. he's not worth it. really, no one is. does he even know how lucky he is to have someone like me? i have a good job, a car, going to school, i'm popular with the boys but all i seem to want is him. maybe i make that too obvious and he thinks he can use it against me. well, i'm not going to answer his calls if he doesn't call me back tonight.
this heart of mine was broken at 12:48:00 AM
0 people tried to mend this shattered heart
0 people tried to mend this shattered heart