Monday, January 28, 2008
two steps forward and maybe a step back?
Dear heart,
i went out with co-workers friday night and called james after to see what he was doing. i was a little bitter just because we didn't really talk that much the day before. i called him after work and he was playing basketball with brett and i was with anty. he told me to call him after our movie. i didn't end up watching the movie and called him but he didn't answer. he didn't call back that night. i call him friday morning, no answer but he calls me later and i don't pick up. he leaves me some message about missing a call from me and to change my voicemail cuz he thought it was unprofessional.
anyway, i call him and i come over. we watch the last part of rambo. we start to listen to music and he finds out that i liked norah jones and he gets all excited. he says his mom loves norah jones and that now i can hang out with his mom. after one commonality? i almost laugh because he is just all about the idea of hanging out with his mom. he asks what i'm doing next weekend and says we have to do something with her. so we lay there listening to "what am i to you" in repeat and then some kenny g. he says that no one sees this side of him. when he says things like that, i feel special but i don't give any response or show any signs that any of this is just melting my b*tch heart.
we randomly kiss but just relax. i like that he looks at me while i pretend to think about the song playing. really- i'm thinking about how he's looking at me and how every single word of that song is whispering the secret of my feelings to us. everytime i try to leave, he pulls me back. i try to leave around 4 and then we end up doing it because i realized it might be awhile till we get to again. we go do our bathroom ritual and start talking loudly about what we should do next time. suddenly we hear his mom's door slam. i felt bad. there goes the idea for next weekend.
then the next day, we go ice skating. it was colder than i anticipated and he gives me his jacket. when we say bye, he picks me up and then we kiss. today was weird though. he doesn't text or call me at all. but he does pick up when i called him later that night. except the conversation isn't the same. he seems bored or preoccupied or not as talkative.
i hate feeling like he could really be into me and that maybe sometime soon this might become something. then he just distances himself. it makes me want to distance myself too. i wish i felt less for him than what i do. i watched game plan and felt some minor animosity towards the daughter. avery will never like me and she will always want him to be with her mother. he will always love avery more than me. stacy will always have the use avery to bend james to her will. and i will always just be another girl who won't ever mean as much as all the other women in his life. ugh!
i went out with co-workers friday night and called james after to see what he was doing. i was a little bitter just because we didn't really talk that much the day before. i called him after work and he was playing basketball with brett and i was with anty. he told me to call him after our movie. i didn't end up watching the movie and called him but he didn't answer. he didn't call back that night. i call him friday morning, no answer but he calls me later and i don't pick up. he leaves me some message about missing a call from me and to change my voicemail cuz he thought it was unprofessional.
anyway, i call him and i come over. we watch the last part of rambo. we start to listen to music and he finds out that i liked norah jones and he gets all excited. he says his mom loves norah jones and that now i can hang out with his mom. after one commonality? i almost laugh because he is just all about the idea of hanging out with his mom. he asks what i'm doing next weekend and says we have to do something with her. so we lay there listening to "what am i to you" in repeat and then some kenny g. he says that no one sees this side of him. when he says things like that, i feel special but i don't give any response or show any signs that any of this is just melting my b*tch heart.
we randomly kiss but just relax. i like that he looks at me while i pretend to think about the song playing. really- i'm thinking about how he's looking at me and how every single word of that song is whispering the secret of my feelings to us. everytime i try to leave, he pulls me back. i try to leave around 4 and then we end up doing it because i realized it might be awhile till we get to again. we go do our bathroom ritual and start talking loudly about what we should do next time. suddenly we hear his mom's door slam. i felt bad. there goes the idea for next weekend.
then the next day, we go ice skating. it was colder than i anticipated and he gives me his jacket. when we say bye, he picks me up and then we kiss. today was weird though. he doesn't text or call me at all. but he does pick up when i called him later that night. except the conversation isn't the same. he seems bored or preoccupied or not as talkative.
i hate feeling like he could really be into me and that maybe sometime soon this might become something. then he just distances himself. it makes me want to distance myself too. i wish i felt less for him than what i do. i watched game plan and felt some minor animosity towards the daughter. avery will never like me and she will always want him to be with her mother. he will always love avery more than me. stacy will always have the use avery to bend james to her will. and i will always just be another girl who won't ever mean as much as all the other women in his life. ugh!
this heart of mine was broken at 12:05:00 AM
0 people tried to mend this shattered heart
0 people tried to mend this shattered heart