Saturday, August 31, 2002
Dear heart,
scary feeling like you're falling... its too soon to fall for someone like that... its that pool party tomorrow and i think he's really looking forward to seeing me in a bathing suit (ew)... and announcing to the world that he's my boyfriend... haha OMG! i wonder what they'll say... everyone already likes him cuz he always goes to our parties as mari's friend... and that guy who walks around holding my hand... so now the secret shall be revealed, i guess... my dad even knows cuz he was asking me why a guy's flannel was haning on my computer chair... told him straight out it was my boyfriend's and that he gave it to me when i was cold... dont think he understood that really well cuz i just had an "anniversary" with bryan... but o well... dad already likes noel anyway...
i just hope i get to spend the day with noel on monday... he wants to take pictures and just hang out, without his "other half" murray... yesss! for once! time without anyone else... im quite excited... except its monday... and i dont know if my stupid dad will let me out... o i hope so... noel has been my only reason to smile lately... everyone is causing me so much drama and sh*t that im so tired of it all already... my only comfort is being on the phone with him or lost in his eyes or being safe in his arms... freaking noel... i dont know how he did it but he got in... he made me wanna care about someone again... to open up and just trust again... i dont know why... but im not even really scared...
scary feeling like you're falling... its too soon to fall for someone like that... its that pool party tomorrow and i think he's really looking forward to seeing me in a bathing suit (ew)... and announcing to the world that he's my boyfriend... haha OMG! i wonder what they'll say... everyone already likes him cuz he always goes to our parties as mari's friend... and that guy who walks around holding my hand... so now the secret shall be revealed, i guess... my dad even knows cuz he was asking me why a guy's flannel was haning on my computer chair... told him straight out it was my boyfriend's and that he gave it to me when i was cold... dont think he understood that really well cuz i just had an "anniversary" with bryan... but o well... dad already likes noel anyway...
i just hope i get to spend the day with noel on monday... he wants to take pictures and just hang out, without his "other half" murray... yesss! for once! time without anyone else... im quite excited... except its monday... and i dont know if my stupid dad will let me out... o i hope so... noel has been my only reason to smile lately... everyone is causing me so much drama and sh*t that im so tired of it all already... my only comfort is being on the phone with him or lost in his eyes or being safe in his arms... freaking noel... i dont know how he did it but he got in... he made me wanna care about someone again... to open up and just trust again... i dont know why... but im not even really scared...
this heart of mine was broken at 9:34:00 PM
0 people tried to mend this shattered heart
0 people tried to mend this shattered heart
Dear heart,
remember my to be or not to be article? just looking it over and im just scared to become that stupid girl who knows nothing... yeah, he cares about me and gives me affection but basically im in the dark... i dont want that...
or maybe i do... maybe it doesnt seem all too bad just thinking about it... i just wanna be with noel... it doesnt matter what kind of drama happens later... im just happy with him and i cant imagine being without him... if i had to choose if i was to be or not be the girlfriend, i think i'd choose not be the girlfriend... but since in this case we are talking about noel, then bring on the handcuffs and take me to that prison... cuz damn this boy is SO worth it...
remember my to be or not to be article? just looking it over and im just scared to become that stupid girl who knows nothing... yeah, he cares about me and gives me affection but basically im in the dark... i dont want that...
or maybe i do... maybe it doesnt seem all too bad just thinking about it... i just wanna be with noel... it doesnt matter what kind of drama happens later... im just happy with him and i cant imagine being without him... if i had to choose if i was to be or not be the girlfriend, i think i'd choose not be the girlfriend... but since in this case we are talking about noel, then bring on the handcuffs and take me to that prison... cuz damn this boy is SO worth it...
this heart of mine was broken at 1:04:00 PM
0 people tried to mend this shattered heart
0 people tried to mend this shattered heart
Dear heart,
[[ horoscope of the day ]]
The severe attack of unsupportable jealousy can happen to you today. If you do not want to lose the one who is going to be jealous, be very careful.
i saw my hunny bunches of oats yesterday... hehe... went to lakewood and saw drew... remember him from the mall? kinda tried to pretend i didnt know him at all... but he still looked really good... then i looked at noel and thought : "no contest"... i dont even remember what happens when im with him anymore... all i care about is that he's next to me holding my hand... when i took em all home, i got in trouble... so he was all holding me forever and everything felt so much better... i was driving home thinking: "oh shit, i could be falling for this guy"... can this be actually happening so soon?
he wants the whole world to know... there's this family party on sunday and he wants to annouce it to my family that we're together and his intentions... i was just lauging at him... what a weirdo...
bryan isnt talking to me anymore... i had a dream that we had this huge fight and i called him up right when i woke up... funny how dreams come true cuz he was giving me some attitude... eventually i was just like "f*ck it. i dont need this"... so if he doesnt wanna be my friend, i dont wanna be his either... dont really wanna deal with it anymore... im tired and maybe if its not really that important anymore... if he can just decide not to talk to me or hang out with me anymore, then maybe i just didnt mean enough... anyway, dont wanna think about bad stuff right now...
[[ quote of the moment ]]
"I never wanted to give you away
Well I still love you but I don’t need you"
[[ horoscope of the day ]]
The severe attack of unsupportable jealousy can happen to you today. If you do not want to lose the one who is going to be jealous, be very careful.
i saw my hunny bunches of oats yesterday... hehe... went to lakewood and saw drew... remember him from the mall? kinda tried to pretend i didnt know him at all... but he still looked really good... then i looked at noel and thought : "no contest"... i dont even remember what happens when im with him anymore... all i care about is that he's next to me holding my hand... when i took em all home, i got in trouble... so he was all holding me forever and everything felt so much better... i was driving home thinking: "oh shit, i could be falling for this guy"... can this be actually happening so soon?
he wants the whole world to know... there's this family party on sunday and he wants to annouce it to my family that we're together and his intentions... i was just lauging at him... what a weirdo...
bryan isnt talking to me anymore... i had a dream that we had this huge fight and i called him up right when i woke up... funny how dreams come true cuz he was giving me some attitude... eventually i was just like "f*ck it. i dont need this"... so if he doesnt wanna be my friend, i dont wanna be his either... dont really wanna deal with it anymore... im tired and maybe if its not really that important anymore... if he can just decide not to talk to me or hang out with me anymore, then maybe i just didnt mean enough... anyway, dont wanna think about bad stuff right now...
[[ quote of the moment ]]
"I never wanted to give you away
Well I still love you but I don’t need you"
this heart of mine was broken at 10:28:00 AM
0 people tried to mend this shattered heart
0 people tried to mend this shattered heart
Friday, August 30, 2002
Dear heart,
so bryan put the bomb on me last night and told me he couldn't talk to me anymore... first of all, just that day he was showing me pictures of girls he was going out with... i was happy for him cuz they were really pretty and stuff... so i dont understand why the need for space... or wutever it is he wants... he says it still kinda hurts him... if it did, he coulda just told me... i thought we were at that point where we tell each other anything... but i guess not... i woulda shut up, ya know... he can do wutever he wants, i suppose...
i really dont need this right now... i have a final to worry about today, then buying books, after that, celebrating the end of my first school week with may... maybe we can stop by my hunny's house cuz she says she wants to take a million pics of me and him... i guess to waste her film but also cuz she wants pictures of that boy... hell, i would too... ima finish my film... so far ive used every shot on my disposable cam on him or us... he's going to a family pool party this weekend... he's excited but im like shaking my head... at least i can see him... i bet he's gonna look really hot later... haha... what should i wear? not that ima stay with him the whole not... ima just visit for a bit cuz may wants to say hi...
k time to get ready for school... must be "so fresh and so clean clean" for the last day of my first class... hehe... muah!
so bryan put the bomb on me last night and told me he couldn't talk to me anymore... first of all, just that day he was showing me pictures of girls he was going out with... i was happy for him cuz they were really pretty and stuff... so i dont understand why the need for space... or wutever it is he wants... he says it still kinda hurts him... if it did, he coulda just told me... i thought we were at that point where we tell each other anything... but i guess not... i woulda shut up, ya know... he can do wutever he wants, i suppose...
i really dont need this right now... i have a final to worry about today, then buying books, after that, celebrating the end of my first school week with may... maybe we can stop by my hunny's house cuz she says she wants to take a million pics of me and him... i guess to waste her film but also cuz she wants pictures of that boy... hell, i would too... ima finish my film... so far ive used every shot on my disposable cam on him or us... he's going to a family pool party this weekend... he's excited but im like shaking my head... at least i can see him... i bet he's gonna look really hot later... haha... what should i wear? not that ima stay with him the whole not... ima just visit for a bit cuz may wants to say hi...
k time to get ready for school... must be "so fresh and so clean clean" for the last day of my first class... hehe... muah!
this heart of mine was broken at 6:55:00 AM
0 people tried to mend this shattered heart
0 people tried to mend this shattered heart
Thursday, August 29, 2002
Dear heart,
just got off the phone with my beb... he's still telling me he loves me... oh he can't mean it but it makes me feel so gushy inside when i hear it... weeeee! im like happy... maybe ima see him tomorrow after all... oh i hope so... well toodles! have a wonderful night... must finish up that essay, remember?
just got off the phone with my beb... he's still telling me he loves me... oh he can't mean it but it makes me feel so gushy inside when i hear it... weeeee! im like happy... maybe ima see him tomorrow after all... oh i hope so... well toodles! have a wonderful night... must finish up that essay, remember?
this heart of mine was broken at 10:57:00 PM
0 people tried to mend this shattered heart
0 people tried to mend this shattered heart
Dear heart,
me and noel are all good again... he told me he wuved me and all that... so i stopped by this morning... wait lets put my info in order...
ok yesterday we spent the day together just doing wutever... kinda went shop- hopping... when i was driving around, he held my hand not realizing how much i loved that... and then he'd put a song outta nowhere and look at me while i drive and song... its so freaking cute, its not even funny... but before that we were chillin at his house and NO ONE was home... uh oh... hehe funny thing was... he didnt wanna do stuff like that... he wanted to wait... his concept: "friends first, then best friends, then marriage, after that- we can fudge around"... so all we did was lay on his bed while he held me and sang to me... with occasional kisses on my wittle cheek... then i let him drive home... pretty good driver, i must say... i even get a kiss on every stoplight...
ok now today i stopped by his pad before work... then he wanted to see me again so i came back on my lunch break... we just held and kissed the whole time till i had to leave... he told me he calls me "his baby" to his friends... and he wants to take pictures with me... SO not a guy thing to suggest... but yeah... he asked me if i told ppl he was my man... but he's not so i said no... and he got kinda sad... but i told him its cuz we might not get together and ima feel stupid if i told the whole world... he said we were perfect together... and then called me dumb for even thinking otherwise...
so im happy... i almost forgot what it felt like to fall in love... those lil butterflies you get and the random riske' things you do to see each other... sometimes i look at him... he's so gorgeous! and i cant help but think to myself "how the hell did i wind up with you? how can u look at me like that as if im the only girl in your sight?" im so lucky... suprisingly enough, he thinks HE'S the lucky one... hope he doesnt realize how wrong he is... or maybe we are lucky... to find each other... i know i'd treat him good and he'd do the same... please dont let anything happen... im in too deep now... well, gotta write my essay for my university 100 class... update on more noel news later... muah to ya'll... since i cant say it to him yet, I LOVE YOU ALL! im bursting with love... please, feel free to soak in all the warm goodness... hehe
me and noel are all good again... he told me he wuved me and all that... so i stopped by this morning... wait lets put my info in order...
ok yesterday we spent the day together just doing wutever... kinda went shop- hopping... when i was driving around, he held my hand not realizing how much i loved that... and then he'd put a song outta nowhere and look at me while i drive and song... its so freaking cute, its not even funny... but before that we were chillin at his house and NO ONE was home... uh oh... hehe funny thing was... he didnt wanna do stuff like that... he wanted to wait... his concept: "friends first, then best friends, then marriage, after that- we can fudge around"... so all we did was lay on his bed while he held me and sang to me... with occasional kisses on my wittle cheek... then i let him drive home... pretty good driver, i must say... i even get a kiss on every stoplight...
ok now today i stopped by his pad before work... then he wanted to see me again so i came back on my lunch break... we just held and kissed the whole time till i had to leave... he told me he calls me "his baby" to his friends... and he wants to take pictures with me... SO not a guy thing to suggest... but yeah... he asked me if i told ppl he was my man... but he's not so i said no... and he got kinda sad... but i told him its cuz we might not get together and ima feel stupid if i told the whole world... he said we were perfect together... and then called me dumb for even thinking otherwise...
so im happy... i almost forgot what it felt like to fall in love... those lil butterflies you get and the random riske' things you do to see each other... sometimes i look at him... he's so gorgeous! and i cant help but think to myself "how the hell did i wind up with you? how can u look at me like that as if im the only girl in your sight?" im so lucky... suprisingly enough, he thinks HE'S the lucky one... hope he doesnt realize how wrong he is... or maybe we are lucky... to find each other... i know i'd treat him good and he'd do the same... please dont let anything happen... im in too deep now... well, gotta write my essay for my university 100 class... update on more noel news later... muah to ya'll... since i cant say it to him yet, I LOVE YOU ALL! im bursting with love... please, feel free to soak in all the warm goodness... hehe
this heart of mine was broken at 9:55:00 PM
0 people tried to mend this shattered heart
0 people tried to mend this shattered heart
Wednesday, August 28, 2002
Dear heart,
noel and i had a serious talk last night... i told him that maybe i didnt really know him as well as i should... he acts up out of nowhere and i have no clue what to do or think... its like his mood fluctuates or whatnot... i saw him before work yesterday... he gave me these kukui nuts cuz it was good luck... told me he didnt need em anymore since he found me... aww! then later i call up murphy cuz he was at noel's house and volunteer to take him home to his house like a block away just for an excuse to see whats-his-face... but then his other friend george needed a ride home and i think he was all being dumb about it... he wouldnt come out to say hi... when i called him later, he assumed we had plans with george for the next day and when i told him i wanted him to go...
noel: hope you 4 have fun tomorrow
me: us four? what? you're not going?
noel: no. who said i was going?
me: what? why?
noel: wnat do you mean? i dont feel like going.
me: f*ck it then... i was only going so i could see you.
noel: o really?
me: yes!
noel: well i dont feel like going.
me: why?
noel: (with some asshole attitude) do i hafto have a reason why?
me: nm then. but i need to call you back.
noel: you're gonna leave me?
me: yeah...
noel: why?
me: do i hafto have a reason why?
ugh!!! he was just acting so weird last night and i couldnt figure out if he was jealous or he really didnt wanna see me... argh! but then he was explaining to me how my ways of "not telling my feelings" could make me lose people sometimes... and when i tell him i like him, it just doesnt seem enough... i think he wants to hear the "L-word" already... but i dont tho... i cant lie to him... i mean, he's cool and sweet and stuff but i havent fallen in love with him yet... he just cant understand that for some reason... the phrase "i really like you a lot" doesnt seem solid enough for him...
o i dont even know... and he said he was tired and had to go like 12... but then he got off the phone at 1 sumthing cuz both of us refused to hang up the phone... he says all this stuff to me and im not sure if he means it or its just an act... or maybe worse... he actually believes it but the feeling is just a temporary one... all this is so confusing... im almost scared to be happy cuz something might fudge it up...
k ima go back to bed... i have school in a bit... *sigh
noel and i had a serious talk last night... i told him that maybe i didnt really know him as well as i should... he acts up out of nowhere and i have no clue what to do or think... its like his mood fluctuates or whatnot... i saw him before work yesterday... he gave me these kukui nuts cuz it was good luck... told me he didnt need em anymore since he found me... aww! then later i call up murphy cuz he was at noel's house and volunteer to take him home to his house like a block away just for an excuse to see whats-his-face... but then his other friend george needed a ride home and i think he was all being dumb about it... he wouldnt come out to say hi... when i called him later, he assumed we had plans with george for the next day and when i told him i wanted him to go...
noel: hope you 4 have fun tomorrow
me: us four? what? you're not going?
noel: no. who said i was going?
me: what? why?
noel: wnat do you mean? i dont feel like going.
me: f*ck it then... i was only going so i could see you.
noel: o really?
me: yes!
noel: well i dont feel like going.
me: why?
noel: (with some asshole attitude) do i hafto have a reason why?
me: nm then. but i need to call you back.
noel: you're gonna leave me?
me: yeah...
noel: why?
me: do i hafto have a reason why?
ugh!!! he was just acting so weird last night and i couldnt figure out if he was jealous or he really didnt wanna see me... argh! but then he was explaining to me how my ways of "not telling my feelings" could make me lose people sometimes... and when i tell him i like him, it just doesnt seem enough... i think he wants to hear the "L-word" already... but i dont tho... i cant lie to him... i mean, he's cool and sweet and stuff but i havent fallen in love with him yet... he just cant understand that for some reason... the phrase "i really like you a lot" doesnt seem solid enough for him...
o i dont even know... and he said he was tired and had to go like 12... but then he got off the phone at 1 sumthing cuz both of us refused to hang up the phone... he says all this stuff to me and im not sure if he means it or its just an act... or maybe worse... he actually believes it but the feeling is just a temporary one... all this is so confusing... im almost scared to be happy cuz something might fudge it up...
k ima go back to bed... i have school in a bit... *sigh
this heart of mine was broken at 6:40:00 AM
0 people tried to mend this shattered heart
0 people tried to mend this shattered heart
Tuesday, August 27, 2002
Dear heart,
it was my anniversary yesterday and i took off work just to see bryan... went to the movies and ate at coco's... basically the main highlight of my day was our goodbye... we had this long kiss... the kind where you never wanna stop... but it wasnt all sexual... just loving... but that would have to be the end of that... the last of the bryan kisses... *sigh kinda sad when i come to think of it... still kinda love him...
well we were driving around yesterday and i was taking bryan to see the mental hospital... suddenly i get a call from noel saying he just saw me... i thought i was caught for sure... but he just saw me... telling everyone "hey! that's my baby!" awwww! and he was missing me a lot last night and he said he couldnt stop thinking of me... what a fag... heehee... i love it!
it was my anniversary yesterday and i took off work just to see bryan... went to the movies and ate at coco's... basically the main highlight of my day was our goodbye... we had this long kiss... the kind where you never wanna stop... but it wasnt all sexual... just loving... but that would have to be the end of that... the last of the bryan kisses... *sigh kinda sad when i come to think of it... still kinda love him...
well we were driving around yesterday and i was taking bryan to see the mental hospital... suddenly i get a call from noel saying he just saw me... i thought i was caught for sure... but he just saw me... telling everyone "hey! that's my baby!" awwww! and he was missing me a lot last night and he said he couldnt stop thinking of me... what a fag... heehee... i love it!
this heart of mine was broken at 2:27:00 PM
0 people tried to mend this shattered heart
0 people tried to mend this shattered heart
Monday, August 26, 2002
Dear heart,
saw my boy today... haha thas funny... look at me calling him "my boy"... that is just pathetic... well he went to the family party which he told me he couldnt make it to... so it was a humungo suprise when i saw him walking over to the house... i musta taken a million and one pictures of him... man that boy is sooooo good-looking, its not even funny...
we almost got into a fight today... cuz he remembered it was my first day of school tomorrow and you know how he trips about weird stuff like that... he SWEARS ima be stupid enuf to pick some other moron over him... my moron is just fine, thank you very much... hehe... but he was saying stupid stuff like: "i guess its time for us to move on since you're going to college tomorrow. remember to meet new guys and forget about me." how stupid is that... i was just mad... but then we took a walk and he gave me his lil flannel cuz i was cold... and he went home with his wife beater... i got to keep the shirt... he wants to see me tomorrow already... if i wasnt busy... but im never gonna be too busy for him... ever... o well... i like him... that is all...
saw my boy today... haha thas funny... look at me calling him "my boy"... that is just pathetic... well he went to the family party which he told me he couldnt make it to... so it was a humungo suprise when i saw him walking over to the house... i musta taken a million and one pictures of him... man that boy is sooooo good-looking, its not even funny...
we almost got into a fight today... cuz he remembered it was my first day of school tomorrow and you know how he trips about weird stuff like that... he SWEARS ima be stupid enuf to pick some other moron over him... my moron is just fine, thank you very much... hehe... but he was saying stupid stuff like: "i guess its time for us to move on since you're going to college tomorrow. remember to meet new guys and forget about me." how stupid is that... i was just mad... but then we took a walk and he gave me his lil flannel cuz i was cold... and he went home with his wife beater... i got to keep the shirt... he wants to see me tomorrow already... if i wasnt busy... but im never gonna be too busy for him... ever... o well... i like him... that is all...
this heart of mine was broken at 12:31:00 AM
0 people tried to mend this shattered heart
0 people tried to mend this shattered heart
Sunday, August 25, 2002
Dear heart,
i couldnt be any happier... went to noel's family party and his family liked me... we took pictures there too... my god... i cant believe how fine he is sometimes... DAMN! just wanna rape him sometimes... but no sexual activity yet... ima go slow with this one... its just been sweet small kisses... sometimes with tongue just cuz im feenin the tongue ring... haha... im gonna see him in a bit for a family party... i cant wait...
o today he didnt know i was on the phone with my cousin... and he told him he was thinking of me and that one song by brandy "have you ever" was our song... aww... i was like screaming... im happy... pinch me... this cant be real... ima post up our pics later... k toodles... my beb awaits me...
i couldnt be any happier... went to noel's family party and his family liked me... we took pictures there too... my god... i cant believe how fine he is sometimes... DAMN! just wanna rape him sometimes... but no sexual activity yet... ima go slow with this one... its just been sweet small kisses... sometimes with tongue just cuz im feenin the tongue ring... haha... im gonna see him in a bit for a family party... i cant wait...
o today he didnt know i was on the phone with my cousin... and he told him he was thinking of me and that one song by brandy "have you ever" was our song... aww... i was like screaming... im happy... pinch me... this cant be real... ima post up our pics later... k toodles... my beb awaits me...
this heart of mine was broken at 4:44:00 PM
0 people tried to mend this shattered heart
0 people tried to mend this shattered heart
Saturday, August 24, 2002
Dear heart,
grr... he was supposed to go to this family party but he has one of his own... but im invited to his so i might swing by... i hate how i feel about him sometimes... like i cant help myself anymore... he is just waaaay too much of what i've been asking for... except the insecurity with college guys... but a lil insecurity is kinda cute cuz they really think they can lose you... man... we didnt see each other just one day (which was thursday) and he was already telling murray he missed me and how he had to see me already... muahaha! yesss.... PLEASE let everything turn out ok... i dont want to let this one slip through my fingers...
grr... he was supposed to go to this family party but he has one of his own... but im invited to his so i might swing by... i hate how i feel about him sometimes... like i cant help myself anymore... he is just waaaay too much of what i've been asking for... except the insecurity with college guys... but a lil insecurity is kinda cute cuz they really think they can lose you... man... we didnt see each other just one day (which was thursday) and he was already telling murray he missed me and how he had to see me already... muahaha! yesss.... PLEASE let everything turn out ok... i dont want to let this one slip through my fingers...
this heart of mine was broken at 8:31:00 AM
0 people tried to mend this shattered heart
0 people tried to mend this shattered heart
Dear heart,
yesterday was fun... went out with may and she met noel... she thought his eyes were just gorgeous!! hehe... then she was all "you didnt tell me he had dimples!" man some things i never even notice... all i knew was he was freaking sexy yesterday... and we were walking around Michael's and he wasnt supposed to like be all huggy/lovey with me... but everytime i had my back tunred, he'd put his head on my shoulder then turn me around and start holding me... akk!
we stopped by at the gas station to buy may's cigarretes and we were trying to plan where to go... but the boy kept right on holding me... freaking wouldnt even let me go back! and man he was giving me these looks that just gave me chills... fudge! and before we left, he pushed me against the car, squeezed me tight, then tried to lean over to kiss me... but i pulled away laughing... and he kept staring at me thru my mirror from the back... he'd say something about my bad driving and i'd turn around to flash him an "i hate you" look then he'd smile and i guess i'd smile too... =D
after i took everyone home... we got to his house and then he kinda leaned back over before he got out... but i shook my head... then i rethought my stupidity and pulled him but he was already out... so i slid over to the passenger seat and he stuck his head in... the softness of a tender kiss from our lips were exchanged... he stuck around talking to me about 15 minutes more... everyone was home already anyway... and then he leaves more lip marks on the car... but it wasnt my car but my parents so i was like "nOOo!!" i told you about that right? my other car was really dirty and before he left, he put his lips all over my side window so i wouldnt miss his kiss when i wasnt with him... and he would be forever kissing my car... hehehehehe! but yeah, too bad i had to wash my car last night... he said he was gonna put new ones anyway... and then he told me to open my window down all the way and he pretended to kiss the invisible glass that went straight to my face... of course i couldnt stop him when it slid down to my lips... second kiss of the day: with tongue! wooo!!! that tongue-ring felt freaking wonderful man... later he tells me he loves how i kiss...
omg! did i tell you we went to town center and then he was gettin jealous cuz of other guys there... so he went kinda towards me trying to hold me from behind... but it was kind of a suprise to me, especially when he stepped on my heels and my sandals came right off and i freaking almost fell on my face... aak! but he caught me... damn that boy is strong! and i was all pretending to be mad but i think i was more embarassed than anything... and he was all trying to be super sweet and hugging me but i told him "no"... o well...
yesterday was fun... went out with may and she met noel... she thought his eyes were just gorgeous!! hehe... then she was all "you didnt tell me he had dimples!" man some things i never even notice... all i knew was he was freaking sexy yesterday... and we were walking around Michael's and he wasnt supposed to like be all huggy/lovey with me... but everytime i had my back tunred, he'd put his head on my shoulder then turn me around and start holding me... akk!
we stopped by at the gas station to buy may's cigarretes and we were trying to plan where to go... but the boy kept right on holding me... freaking wouldnt even let me go back! and man he was giving me these looks that just gave me chills... fudge! and before we left, he pushed me against the car, squeezed me tight, then tried to lean over to kiss me... but i pulled away laughing... and he kept staring at me thru my mirror from the back... he'd say something about my bad driving and i'd turn around to flash him an "i hate you" look then he'd smile and i guess i'd smile too... =D
after i took everyone home... we got to his house and then he kinda leaned back over before he got out... but i shook my head... then i rethought my stupidity and pulled him but he was already out... so i slid over to the passenger seat and he stuck his head in... the softness of a tender kiss from our lips were exchanged... he stuck around talking to me about 15 minutes more... everyone was home already anyway... and then he leaves more lip marks on the car... but it wasnt my car but my parents so i was like "nOOo!!" i told you about that right? my other car was really dirty and before he left, he put his lips all over my side window so i wouldnt miss his kiss when i wasnt with him... and he would be forever kissing my car... hehehehehe! but yeah, too bad i had to wash my car last night... he said he was gonna put new ones anyway... and then he told me to open my window down all the way and he pretended to kiss the invisible glass that went straight to my face... of course i couldnt stop him when it slid down to my lips... second kiss of the day: with tongue! wooo!!! that tongue-ring felt freaking wonderful man... later he tells me he loves how i kiss...
omg! did i tell you we went to town center and then he was gettin jealous cuz of other guys there... so he went kinda towards me trying to hold me from behind... but it was kind of a suprise to me, especially when he stepped on my heels and my sandals came right off and i freaking almost fell on my face... aak! but he caught me... damn that boy is strong! and i was all pretending to be mad but i think i was more embarassed than anything... and he was all trying to be super sweet and hugging me but i told him "no"... o well...
this heart of mine was broken at 8:29:00 AM
0 people tried to mend this shattered heart
0 people tried to mend this shattered heart
Friday, August 23, 2002
Dear heart,
the day seems a lil brighter than yesterday... talked to noel last night and he misses me a lot... he still likes me a whole lot and he makes a big deal sometimes about "liking this girl who he thinks doesnt like him anymore" or something like that... kinda weird but i very much like him still... <- haha that sounded odd... i just wanna see him already... but its supposed to be "time off" right now... though he is trying to make me see him non-chalantly like "hey im getting this new car and some guy is dropping it off. i want you to see it"... but man i really want to... it was so lonely not seeing him yesterday... kinda empty, ya kno?
another big news... bryan might come back from his trip... i think everything woulda been a lil easier if he was here through all the drama... i havent really talked to him long except for when he called me from work... but i kinda missed him... yay! he's back now... man, i hope noel doesnt change anything... i hope i can still fall asleep with him on the phone... except lately ive been having late-nights chats with noel and i just cant hang up on him... ya kno? and even when i hafto go to sleep like 3 or so, it still takes us half an hour to hang up... cuz he wont do it and i wont do it... i mean, it used to be when my phone died but now he just calls right back or i do... so we try to take turns hanging up but even so we take FOREVER! wait... i was talking about bryan... o well i forgot now... k ima get ready just in case i decide to "see his car" today...
the day seems a lil brighter than yesterday... talked to noel last night and he misses me a lot... he still likes me a whole lot and he makes a big deal sometimes about "liking this girl who he thinks doesnt like him anymore" or something like that... kinda weird but i very much like him still... <- haha that sounded odd... i just wanna see him already... but its supposed to be "time off" right now... though he is trying to make me see him non-chalantly like "hey im getting this new car and some guy is dropping it off. i want you to see it"... but man i really want to... it was so lonely not seeing him yesterday... kinda empty, ya kno?
another big news... bryan might come back from his trip... i think everything woulda been a lil easier if he was here through all the drama... i havent really talked to him long except for when he called me from work... but i kinda missed him... yay! he's back now... man, i hope noel doesnt change anything... i hope i can still fall asleep with him on the phone... except lately ive been having late-nights chats with noel and i just cant hang up on him... ya kno? and even when i hafto go to sleep like 3 or so, it still takes us half an hour to hang up... cuz he wont do it and i wont do it... i mean, it used to be when my phone died but now he just calls right back or i do... so we try to take turns hanging up but even so we take FOREVER! wait... i was talking about bryan... o well i forgot now... k ima get ready just in case i decide to "see his car" today...
this heart of mine was broken at 10:14:00 AM
0 people tried to mend this shattered heart
0 people tried to mend this shattered heart
Thursday, August 22, 2002
[[ song dedicated to me from noel ]]
just one night
i'd like to spend with you
so much that i could do
to make you happy
i would write a song for you
and sing about your smile
but if you were here
i'd make it worth the while
i guess you'd never know how much i really love you so
cuz im just to shy to even let you know
i wanna be there with you each and every night
instead im always having you on my mind
i wanna be there with you when the sun goes down
and be there right beside you when you turn around
to prove that i can love you for the rest of your life
o baby all i need from you is just one night
(one night with you)
just one night
to show how i feel for you
i would never treat you cruel
i'd be good to you
baby if you were here tonight
and then you would see
just how much one night
really means to me
you would never know how much i really love you so
cuz im just to shy to even let you know
i wanna be there with you each and every night
instead im always having you on my mind
i wanna be there with you when the sun goes down
and be there right beside you when you turn around
to prove that i can love you for the rest of my life
o baby all i need from you is just one night
(one night with you)
just one night
i'd like to spend with you
so much that i could do
to make you happy
i would write a song for you
and sing about your smile
but if you were here
i'd make it worth the while
i guess you'd never know how much i really love you so
cuz im just to shy to even let you know
i wanna be there with you each and every night
instead im always having you on my mind
i wanna be there with you when the sun goes down
and be there right beside you when you turn around
to prove that i can love you for the rest of your life
o baby all i need from you is just one night
(one night with you)
just one night
to show how i feel for you
i would never treat you cruel
i'd be good to you
baby if you were here tonight
and then you would see
just how much one night
really means to me
you would never know how much i really love you so
cuz im just to shy to even let you know
i wanna be there with you each and every night
instead im always having you on my mind
i wanna be there with you when the sun goes down
and be there right beside you when you turn around
to prove that i can love you for the rest of my life
o baby all i need from you is just one night
(one night with you)
this heart of mine was broken at 9:50:00 PM
0 people tried to mend this shattered heart
0 people tried to mend this shattered heart
Dear heart,
a sudden unexpected turn of events has occured... i guess he's getting really intimidated by me and my kiss... he thinks it feels too good and i feel "experienced" to him... um ok, riiiight! but yeah he's moving too fast saying he "loves" me and everything...
i was trying to avoid it cuz it just didnt feel right yet... well he was asking questions like: is it love if you cant stop thinking about them? if all you wanna do is be right next to them? if you smile each time you're together? but i told him straight out it was infatuation... love is deeper than that... so he gets all offended and finds some ulterior motive for me saying such things... maybe its cuz he's really freaked out about me going to college and meeting the so-called "college boys"... OMG! i dont WANT them! cant he get the freaking clue that he's the one... i dont want anyone else... he treats me so well and he looks so good that i cant even think of him and not smile... but he thinks i "dont love him" and want to move slower cuz of college and that i might meet guys... ugh! then he goes and semi-threatens me with meeting high school girls too... so fudge it... i dont care... shoot...
but i really like him and i dont wanna fudge this up over nothing... i can see where he's coming from but someone THAT good-looking shouldn't be so damn insecure... oh please lets work things out... im not exactly seeing him so we can have a lil space... and i heard from murray that he misses me and i was the first thing he thought of this morning... AWW!
typically, acting psycho like this after 3 days is kinda creepy and would probably scare me off by now... but he's different... haha ok he's just sexy... but he gets away with it each time he smiles... im not gonna see him till murray's family party on saturday... so wish me luck... dont tell him but i kinda miss him too... =*(
a sudden unexpected turn of events has occured... i guess he's getting really intimidated by me and my kiss... he thinks it feels too good and i feel "experienced" to him... um ok, riiiight! but yeah he's moving too fast saying he "loves" me and everything...
i was trying to avoid it cuz it just didnt feel right yet... well he was asking questions like: is it love if you cant stop thinking about them? if all you wanna do is be right next to them? if you smile each time you're together? but i told him straight out it was infatuation... love is deeper than that... so he gets all offended and finds some ulterior motive for me saying such things... maybe its cuz he's really freaked out about me going to college and meeting the so-called "college boys"... OMG! i dont WANT them! cant he get the freaking clue that he's the one... i dont want anyone else... he treats me so well and he looks so good that i cant even think of him and not smile... but he thinks i "dont love him" and want to move slower cuz of college and that i might meet guys... ugh! then he goes and semi-threatens me with meeting high school girls too... so fudge it... i dont care... shoot...
but i really like him and i dont wanna fudge this up over nothing... i can see where he's coming from but someone THAT good-looking shouldn't be so damn insecure... oh please lets work things out... im not exactly seeing him so we can have a lil space... and i heard from murray that he misses me and i was the first thing he thought of this morning... AWW!
typically, acting psycho like this after 3 days is kinda creepy and would probably scare me off by now... but he's different... haha ok he's just sexy... but he gets away with it each time he smiles... im not gonna see him till murray's family party on saturday... so wish me luck... dont tell him but i kinda miss him too... =*(
this heart of mine was broken at 9:37:00 PM
0 people tried to mend this shattered heart
0 people tried to mend this shattered heart
Wednesday, August 21, 2002
Dear heart,
everything is so perfect... noel told me he was falling for me and i think i feel the same way... he wrote me a letter today and i didnt even ask him or make him write me one... *gasp* thats MAJOR brownie points right there! and his mom loves me, its funny... she calls me sweetie...
i like this whole routine... seeing him before work... then taking off from there cuz its like 2 min away... and then coming back for my lunch break... then after work... sometimes one of the parts is missing but its all good... i still see him and thats all that matters... its become this obsessive thing to just be held by him... his big ol arms around me... he always comes out of his house with his shirt off... well maybe cuz i always come right after he works out... yummy...
though he did look even better when i came during lunch... he was wearing this royal blue billabong shirt... damn! i couldnt even look at him cuz he looked so hot... until we were slow dancing in his garage... its funny cuz we always end up dancing even though he claims he's not the dancing type... maybe slow dancing is a different story... *shrug but yeah... he was singing to me again... and i closed my eyes and i swear every cell in my body was in heaven... full on harps and angels and tops of clouds deal... as the song ended he kissed my forehead... i felt his big wet lips and i just smiled... then finally i summed up the courage to look at him and we kissed... and we sealed every feeling between our lips... its funny cuz we kissed just one more time after that... and then more holding and hugging... i think thas all i really want from him... that feeling of being safe and belonging to someone...
im just so happy... god! his smile has this way of melting my lil heart... i could die from happiness... what did i do to deserve this? how did i get so lucky? why me? omg im so happy... its funny cuz we were talking about how we dont go to church but believe in god... and how we only pray when we need something or we're in trouble... even though he tells god to take care of me or whatnot... well anyway... today when i was coming home from work, i prayed to god and thanked him for noel... i never do that... to just appreciate the good stuff and thank god for giving it to me... im the luckiest girl in the world... but its funny how he always tells me that he's the luckiest guy... *GRIN*
everything is so perfect... noel told me he was falling for me and i think i feel the same way... he wrote me a letter today and i didnt even ask him or make him write me one... *gasp* thats MAJOR brownie points right there! and his mom loves me, its funny... she calls me sweetie...
i like this whole routine... seeing him before work... then taking off from there cuz its like 2 min away... and then coming back for my lunch break... then after work... sometimes one of the parts is missing but its all good... i still see him and thats all that matters... its become this obsessive thing to just be held by him... his big ol arms around me... he always comes out of his house with his shirt off... well maybe cuz i always come right after he works out... yummy...
though he did look even better when i came during lunch... he was wearing this royal blue billabong shirt... damn! i couldnt even look at him cuz he looked so hot... until we were slow dancing in his garage... its funny cuz we always end up dancing even though he claims he's not the dancing type... maybe slow dancing is a different story... *shrug but yeah... he was singing to me again... and i closed my eyes and i swear every cell in my body was in heaven... full on harps and angels and tops of clouds deal... as the song ended he kissed my forehead... i felt his big wet lips and i just smiled... then finally i summed up the courage to look at him and we kissed... and we sealed every feeling between our lips... its funny cuz we kissed just one more time after that... and then more holding and hugging... i think thas all i really want from him... that feeling of being safe and belonging to someone...
im just so happy... god! his smile has this way of melting my lil heart... i could die from happiness... what did i do to deserve this? how did i get so lucky? why me? omg im so happy... its funny cuz we were talking about how we dont go to church but believe in god... and how we only pray when we need something or we're in trouble... even though he tells god to take care of me or whatnot... well anyway... today when i was coming home from work, i prayed to god and thanked him for noel... i never do that... to just appreciate the good stuff and thank god for giving it to me... im the luckiest girl in the world... but its funny how he always tells me that he's the luckiest guy... *GRIN*
this heart of mine was broken at 9:58:00 PM
0 people tried to mend this shattered heart
0 people tried to mend this shattered heart
Dear heart,
things with noel are going alone so perfectly blissful... went to his house yesterday and met the mom... he was slow-dancing with me in his room and singing to me... my head was screaming with joy... and i took note of one of the most romantic moments of my life... he even gave me a cd with the sweetest songs ever... my god... everything is perfect... the only problem is- he's kinda scared of me going to college... he thinks ima meet some college dude... ok, does he understand i KNOW college boys... they are the same as high school boys... you know that lil checklist i had as a young girl of "that guy"... well he fits a lot of the description... things i didnt think i'd really find in a good-looking person... haha... but GOD! he is SO romantic and he writes poems and sings... oh yeah... and he has a tongure ring... i never noticed it before until yesterday when he kept playing with it...
i just love this feeling... when you kinda sit there and smile for no reason... when you're just living for the next moment you can see him, which will be later...
its funny how he showed up in my life at the perfect moment... i must confess- i was starting to forget that i wasnt in love with bryan... i didnt like the feeling of my past emotions coming back... and some new ones emerged... i fooled myself into thinking stupid things... yeah, ok i fell in love with him all over again... i never could help it... maybe this is god's way of telling me "no"... because i know bryan would never feel the same... it was a way to save me from heartache...
but should i let things take its course because im scared of things becoming serious... im starting to like him a lot... attachment is growing and its scaring me, in a good way... im just happy... beacause some beautiful boy is crazy about me... and i think im kinda crazy about him too... YESSS! WOOOHOOO! AHAHAHHAA! yeah thats been my interjections these past 3 days... hehe i just scream it outta nowhere cuz i feel so great... k ima get ready now...
things with noel are going alone so perfectly blissful... went to his house yesterday and met the mom... he was slow-dancing with me in his room and singing to me... my head was screaming with joy... and i took note of one of the most romantic moments of my life... he even gave me a cd with the sweetest songs ever... my god... everything is perfect... the only problem is- he's kinda scared of me going to college... he thinks ima meet some college dude... ok, does he understand i KNOW college boys... they are the same as high school boys... you know that lil checklist i had as a young girl of "that guy"... well he fits a lot of the description... things i didnt think i'd really find in a good-looking person... haha... but GOD! he is SO romantic and he writes poems and sings... oh yeah... and he has a tongure ring... i never noticed it before until yesterday when he kept playing with it...
i just love this feeling... when you kinda sit there and smile for no reason... when you're just living for the next moment you can see him, which will be later...
its funny how he showed up in my life at the perfect moment... i must confess- i was starting to forget that i wasnt in love with bryan... i didnt like the feeling of my past emotions coming back... and some new ones emerged... i fooled myself into thinking stupid things... yeah, ok i fell in love with him all over again... i never could help it... maybe this is god's way of telling me "no"... because i know bryan would never feel the same... it was a way to save me from heartache...
but should i let things take its course because im scared of things becoming serious... im starting to like him a lot... attachment is growing and its scaring me, in a good way... im just happy... beacause some beautiful boy is crazy about me... and i think im kinda crazy about him too... YESSS! WOOOHOOO! AHAHAHHAA! yeah thats been my interjections these past 3 days... hehe i just scream it outta nowhere cuz i feel so great... k ima get ready now...
this heart of mine was broken at 11:27:00 AM
0 people tried to mend this shattered heart
0 people tried to mend this shattered heart
Tuesday, August 20, 2002
[[ favorite quote/line of the moment ]]
Island Boy and City Girl, friends sitting in the morning sun, dreaming under moonlight, awaiting the day until they finally meet.
Island Boy and City Girl, friends sitting in the morning sun, dreaming under moonlight, awaiting the day until they finally meet.
this heart of mine was broken at 10:14:00 AM
0 people tried to mend this shattered heart
0 people tried to mend this shattered heart
Dear heart,
there is WAY too much going on right now... so much is being put at my door and im not sure what to deal with first, how to handle it, and so forth...
friends
so my best friend in the whole entire world moved to berkley... she's been there since this past saturday and hasnt made contact since... she cancels my calls and my friend got a hold of her by making her number private... whats up with that? i DONT understand... her bf is talking to me about wanting to go home cuz he's miserable and lonely up there and i feel really bad for him... whats going on with her? is she just forgetting all that happened before berkley...? am i just part of that past she doesnt wanna deal with?
work
to make a long story short, i actually hit a guy at work... like HARD! he was being a pervert and was really pissing me off... well now i hafto face him everyday and that sounds sooooo uncomfy... i dont wanna apologize cuz he deserved it but i dont wanna leave it and have him hate me forever and live an uncomfy time at work... akk!
school
whens book buying? how is my first day gonna be? what if i MEET someone there? what if i dont and everyone hates me? my GOD! what is college like? will i survive? i cant even think about this major stress factor or i think ima have a breakdown...
guys
*sigh... well this is the one keeping me up at night... i just cant believe this boy "likes me a lot"... he alrady wrote me a poem and told me that "i need a girl, pt. 2" reminded him of me... i asked him if he was "talking" to anyone right now but he said: "im on the phone with you"... so i was like: "no! like trying to get with someone" but he still answered me: "im on the phone with you. that should answer your question." i DONT know... this seems all too familiar... the liking me too fast... kinda brings memories back to jeff... what if he just leaves? but murray says he wont do that... he's actually a really good guy... i heard they watched a movie today but he didnt wanna go cuz i wasnt there... and my other cousin a.j. picked up some girls and got em to watch the movie with them... but he didnt want anything to do with them... "i just wanted to sit next to her... are they her?"
so what he's young? i kinda like the attributes he's letting out... the cheesy poetry writing stuff... i mean, i thought that was MY job... and the dedicating-songs-and-singin-it-for-you deal... im just scared of this whole relationship thing... but its like he wants it to head that way... but what about my article of to be or not to be (the girlfriend)? it SUCKS to be the girfriend... you're forced to live in a box... but then you meet someone who makes that lil box seem a bit tempting... NoOOOO!
oh i dont know... enuf problem gushing... ima talk to bryan... i havent talked to him amidst all this drama...
there is WAY too much going on right now... so much is being put at my door and im not sure what to deal with first, how to handle it, and so forth...
friends
so my best friend in the whole entire world moved to berkley... she's been there since this past saturday and hasnt made contact since... she cancels my calls and my friend got a hold of her by making her number private... whats up with that? i DONT understand... her bf is talking to me about wanting to go home cuz he's miserable and lonely up there and i feel really bad for him... whats going on with her? is she just forgetting all that happened before berkley...? am i just part of that past she doesnt wanna deal with?
work
to make a long story short, i actually hit a guy at work... like HARD! he was being a pervert and was really pissing me off... well now i hafto face him everyday and that sounds sooooo uncomfy... i dont wanna apologize cuz he deserved it but i dont wanna leave it and have him hate me forever and live an uncomfy time at work... akk!
school
whens book buying? how is my first day gonna be? what if i MEET someone there? what if i dont and everyone hates me? my GOD! what is college like? will i survive? i cant even think about this major stress factor or i think ima have a breakdown...
guys
*sigh... well this is the one keeping me up at night... i just cant believe this boy "likes me a lot"... he alrady wrote me a poem and told me that "i need a girl, pt. 2" reminded him of me... i asked him if he was "talking" to anyone right now but he said: "im on the phone with you"... so i was like: "no! like trying to get with someone" but he still answered me: "im on the phone with you. that should answer your question." i DONT know... this seems all too familiar... the liking me too fast... kinda brings memories back to jeff... what if he just leaves? but murray says he wont do that... he's actually a really good guy... i heard they watched a movie today but he didnt wanna go cuz i wasnt there... and my other cousin a.j. picked up some girls and got em to watch the movie with them... but he didnt want anything to do with them... "i just wanted to sit next to her... are they her?"
so what he's young? i kinda like the attributes he's letting out... the cheesy poetry writing stuff... i mean, i thought that was MY job... and the dedicating-songs-and-singin-it-for-you deal... im just scared of this whole relationship thing... but its like he wants it to head that way... but what about my article of to be or not to be (the girlfriend)? it SUCKS to be the girfriend... you're forced to live in a box... but then you meet someone who makes that lil box seem a bit tempting... NoOOOO!
oh i dont know... enuf problem gushing... ima talk to bryan... i havent talked to him amidst all this drama...
this heart of mine was broken at 9:34:00 AM
0 people tried to mend this shattered heart
0 people tried to mend this shattered heart
Monday, August 19, 2002
Dear heart,
alrighty folks... i gotta make this quick but i met a boy who is my cousin, murray's new best friend... he's kinda young... like a year younger than me but he's hot as hell! he's like part filipino/german/french/spanish/hawaiian... today, we went to the mall with my cousin, his gf, and him... lets call him noel... he's incredibly nice and i heard that he's a great guy and would make "a good bf" according to murray... oh who knows... he's really adorable though... he held my hand oh so non-chalantly today... and then wen i had to go to work, he walked me to my car... and he didnt go inside till he saw me drove off... awww shizzy... look at me... i have a big stupid grin on my face... this cant be happening... i mean, he's WAY too good to be true... but hey... im not complaining one bit... im just gonna see where this takes me... if not, he was a lil boy anyway... hehe... but yeah... he seems pretty cool... im really interested to know where its gonna end up...
so here's a sneak peak at him...
click the thumbnail!
alrighty folks... i gotta make this quick but i met a boy who is my cousin, murray's new best friend... he's kinda young... like a year younger than me but he's hot as hell! he's like part filipino/german/french/spanish/hawaiian... today, we went to the mall with my cousin, his gf, and him... lets call him noel... he's incredibly nice and i heard that he's a great guy and would make "a good bf" according to murray... oh who knows... he's really adorable though... he held my hand oh so non-chalantly today... and then wen i had to go to work, he walked me to my car... and he didnt go inside till he saw me drove off... awww shizzy... look at me... i have a big stupid grin on my face... this cant be happening... i mean, he's WAY too good to be true... but hey... im not complaining one bit... im just gonna see where this takes me... if not, he was a lil boy anyway... hehe... but yeah... he seems pretty cool... im really interested to know where its gonna end up...
so here's a sneak peak at him...
click the thumbnail!
this heart of mine was broken at 10:02:00 PM
0 people tried to mend this shattered heart
0 people tried to mend this shattered heart
Saturday, August 17, 2002
Dear heart,
just got home... just got done having dinner with bryan... hanging with him is always neato so i feel giddy... not really much else to say... o yeah, chris called this morning but my phone doesnt usually work in the AM before 10, i think... or unless i call sumone... thas cuz my cingular service suck... and so does YOURS, i bet... heehee o well... i felt awful i missed it... hearing his confused "hello's" on my voicemail made me feel like "damn i shoulda answered the lil booger"... but *shrug... what could i do?
i wonder if i bore bryan... cuz we always do the same thing all the time... i mean, I have fun... but then again, im very easily amused... well at least i got him out of his grumpy mood... which is always a good thing... i would write more but im just WAY too tired... akk! im SO exhausted... save me!
just got home... just got done having dinner with bryan... hanging with him is always neato so i feel giddy... not really much else to say... o yeah, chris called this morning but my phone doesnt usually work in the AM before 10, i think... or unless i call sumone... thas cuz my cingular service suck... and so does YOURS, i bet... heehee o well... i felt awful i missed it... hearing his confused "hello's" on my voicemail made me feel like "damn i shoulda answered the lil booger"... but *shrug... what could i do?
i wonder if i bore bryan... cuz we always do the same thing all the time... i mean, I have fun... but then again, im very easily amused... well at least i got him out of his grumpy mood... which is always a good thing... i would write more but im just WAY too tired... akk! im SO exhausted... save me!
this heart of mine was broken at 11:24:00 PM
0 people tried to mend this shattered heart
0 people tried to mend this shattered heart
[[ quotes of the moment ]]
Here’s to the crazy ones. The misfits. The rebels. The troublemakers. The round pegs in the square holes. The ones who see things differently. They’re not fond of rules. And they have no respect for the status quo. You can praise them, disagree with them, quote them, disbelieve them, glorify or vilify them. About the only thing you can’t do is ignore them.
Because they change things. They invent. They imagine. They heal. They explore. They create. They inspire. They push the human race forward. Maybe they have to be crazy. How else can you stare at an empty canvas and see a work of art? Or sit in silence and hear a song that’s never been written? Or gaze at a red planet and see a laboratory on wheels? While some see them as the crazy ones, we see genius. Because the people who are crazy enough to think they can change the world, are the ones who do.
--Apple Computer Commercial, "Think Different"
Listen to the mustn'ts, child.
Listen to the don'ts.
Listen to the shouldn't haves,
The impossibles, the won'ts.
Listen to the never haves, then listen close to me.
Anything can happen, child.
Anything can be.
--Shel Silverstein
( courtesy of kari )
Here’s to the crazy ones. The misfits. The rebels. The troublemakers. The round pegs in the square holes. The ones who see things differently. They’re not fond of rules. And they have no respect for the status quo. You can praise them, disagree with them, quote them, disbelieve them, glorify or vilify them. About the only thing you can’t do is ignore them.
Because they change things. They invent. They imagine. They heal. They explore. They create. They inspire. They push the human race forward. Maybe they have to be crazy. How else can you stare at an empty canvas and see a work of art? Or sit in silence and hear a song that’s never been written? Or gaze at a red planet and see a laboratory on wheels? While some see them as the crazy ones, we see genius. Because the people who are crazy enough to think they can change the world, are the ones who do.
--Apple Computer Commercial, "Think Different"
Listen to the mustn'ts, child.
Listen to the don'ts.
Listen to the shouldn't haves,
The impossibles, the won'ts.
Listen to the never haves, then listen close to me.
Anything can happen, child.
Anything can be.
--Shel Silverstein
( courtesy of kari )
this heart of mine was broken at 10:02:00 AM
0 people tried to mend this shattered heart
0 people tried to mend this shattered heart
Friday, August 16, 2002
-- UPDATE --
totally new old quizzies in the quiz section... and that is all...
[[ quick info on me regarding my quizzies ]]
i like to take em over and over again and relish in the fact that i always get the answers right... and its not because i MADE the quizzies and know all the answers... but because im REALLY smart! =) sometimes a girl needs to reaffirm her intelligence...
totally new old quizzies in the quiz section... and that is all...
[[ quick info on me regarding my quizzies ]]
i like to take em over and over again and relish in the fact that i always get the answers right... and its not because i MADE the quizzies and know all the answers... but because im REALLY smart! =) sometimes a girl needs to reaffirm her intelligence...
this heart of mine was broken at 12:55:00 PM
0 people tried to mend this shattered heart
0 people tried to mend this shattered heart
Thursday, August 15, 2002
Dear heart,
this is a follow up of the previous entree:
to be or not to be (the girlfriend)
(yes)
ok if you're the girlfriend, you're the one he loves most... the one he comes home to... the one he cares for the most out of the many girls he knows... but because of this "care" he doesnt wanna hurt you... only trouble is, guys tend to do stupid sh*t to hurt you all the time... so in order for that NOT to affect you, they hide it... behind lil white lies that they hope go unnoticed... they let you live in this lil box where you think you live happily ever after... almost like that movie the truman show... you believe whatever they want you to believe and maybe even what YOU want to believe...
who wouldnt want to be that? to be the one he says "i love you" to and to have it mean more the other "i love you's" he might be saying... i mean, you're the girlfriend for a reason... he musta loved you at one point, right? you musta had something that made him wanna be with you... then one day he forgot you had whatever "something" you had once... or maybe he just felt youve lost that "something"... thats when he starts hanging out with other girls without telling you...
(ok he DOESNT need to be on check but dont you think he'd like to know if you were going out with another guy?) this would branch out to a completely different subject of revenge...
--fine... (branching out to a different subject of revenge but integrating it to the subject at hand)--
at first this "fairness" deal might seem pretty fair... but then it ends up a lil more spiteful... you start off with the idea to put yourself in the others shoes... asking "if i were him, would i want me to do this?" so you understand where they might be coming from...
ex. i will not kiss another guy because i know if he kissed another girl, i'd be hurt
that is, until SOMEONE GETS HURT! so maybe you slip one time and you check out guys more often than you should... and somehow he finds out... then his mentality changes to "well, if she can hurt me its ony FAIR to hurt her"... thats when all the f*cked up sh*t starts to happen... you start justifying wrong actions in fear that they are doing it too or doing something to that extreme to even it out... then its more like:
ex. so he's going out with his "friend" tonight, eh? well im gonna go call that other guy just to make it even. maybe he'll understand how i feel then
then the vicious cycle of lying returns... due to the fact that you have lost respect for each other from stuff you find out about each other... then you start doing bad things... things you wouldnt usually do if u had respect for a person... because the conflicting feeling of the inital love and caring still exists, the seed of lies begin to grow... inside, you know you dont want to hurt them but your perceptions are so whacked out that it doesnt even matter... all you want is revenge and to never be the "stupid person" who gets cheated on... so you do what you dont want to happen to you... but you lie about it so they will never know... you're not necessarily doing it to hurt them but to feel equal... to say "hey, i can do it too"... and maybe somewhere deep down inside is the sadistic need to hurt them just as they have hurt you... continuing the battle between the love that you once held and the vengeance you now believe will mend the pain...
-- done branching --
~> or your boyfriend could be a lying bastard just like 79.9% of the male popualtion... who is just horny and wants to get into everyone's used panties... then they just lie to hide that they are an ass... so u can only see the "sweet boyfriend" character he wants you to see... and maybe your boyfriend chose you to be the girlfriend cuz ure naive and will believe anything... you just never know...
(no)
when you arent the girlfriend, there are four things you can possibly be... girlfriend number two (or three or four), somebody's nobody, the other woman, or the omniscient friend...
girlfriend number (1, 2, 3...) :
so you're one of his many girlfriends... and maybe you dont know it... this is one of the things you should NEVER want to be... its bad enough if he cheats on his gf with another woman... but to cheat on his gf with other girlfriends? damn! now thats harsh...that will bring his "bad boy" stat WAY up! this should belong to the "yes" section but since she seems as insignificant as a non-girlfriend, then it belongs down here... this girl gets lies and no love ( or the bullsh*t kind)... god! *shakes head... i dont even wanna discuss being this one... too pathetic... sorry... akkk!
somebody's nobody:
the guy has no girlfriend... but he has plenty of lady friends to go around... and you're one of them... depending on his integrity, they might know about each other... actually it all just depends...
*reason why he might tell: 1. to be an honest guy, 2. to make em wanna compete for the "gf" space
*reason why he might not: 1. to be a player, 2. to not ruin chances with the girl who might be the future love of his life (he can tell her later, right?)
~> anyway... guys like this are just playing the field... see how many he can score and such... maybe someone might get lucky and he will choose one of the nobodies to be his somebody... but this might take awhile... there are benefits and many disadvantages to being this one... but at least there is hope... and thats all a girl really needs...
the other woman:
so he has a gf and he's cheating on her... it must suck to be her.... but not for you! he adores everything about you because you are everything his gf cant be to him... he complains about her but claims he cant let her go due to some stupid reason which all leads to the fact that he's a selfish d*ck... but at least you know more than the girlfriend and you get the benefits that she has... minus the "i love you" part depending on how emotionally unstable he is... the down side of this is he may not be 100% honest with you and he cant show any affection in public in fear of being seen by her, her friend, mutual friends, or other people that would tell on him... yeah, he holds you all night when you two are alone... but how can you stand living a secret? to many- it may be fun... *shrug
the omniscient friend:
so you're not the girlfriend and you're not a f*ck partner... so i guess that makes you more of a nobody than all the rest of em... or does it? you dont get ANY the physical benefits but you get the one thing most of them will never get... honesty... the whole truth and nothing but the truth so help you bob... he tells you things he'd tell a guy... stuff maybe you dont even WANT to know cuz it makes you lose faith in the male race... but he never bullsh*ts u... if he cancels on you cuz he has a date, you'll know... if he doesnt wanna talk anymore, he'll tell you... he might be a lil blunt and it might kinda hurt but... at least its the truth... and some girls are just happy with that... you may not be in top priority or be any part of his "to do" list... but think, when all the gilrs fade away, you'll still be there... and yeah, he's there for you too =)
(note: there are rare instances when the friend gets physical benefits but at times it weakens the bond and his ability to tell the truth... might denote you to one of the stages above)
but no matter what... your hand will never be held in public... he will never tell you he loves you (and mean it in "that" way)... he will never just hold you cuz ure next to him... you wont get a kiss goodbye... or ever hear the words "i miss you"... but those are the things a girl sacrafices for truth... to hear it, to breathe it, to live it...
****************************
i guess its up to you to decide which you want to be... and maybe sometimes you have no choice in where you end up... but mainly there are and always will be two options: to be or not be the girlfriend
*special side note of great importance*
name-calling of the opposite sex (i am a girl) is not a result of any hostility towards them (well, maybe a LITTLE)... but i do not hate men, in contradiction to popular belief... im just enhancing the manner of my writing by doing so... its not meant to put down anybody because i know a handful of great guys... i write words of anger for effect and not insult...
thank you and good night... er, afternoon...
this is a follow up of the previous entree:
to be or not to be (the girlfriend)
(yes)
ok if you're the girlfriend, you're the one he loves most... the one he comes home to... the one he cares for the most out of the many girls he knows... but because of this "care" he doesnt wanna hurt you... only trouble is, guys tend to do stupid sh*t to hurt you all the time... so in order for that NOT to affect you, they hide it... behind lil white lies that they hope go unnoticed... they let you live in this lil box where you think you live happily ever after... almost like that movie the truman show... you believe whatever they want you to believe and maybe even what YOU want to believe...
who wouldnt want to be that? to be the one he says "i love you" to and to have it mean more the other "i love you's" he might be saying... i mean, you're the girlfriend for a reason... he musta loved you at one point, right? you musta had something that made him wanna be with you... then one day he forgot you had whatever "something" you had once... or maybe he just felt youve lost that "something"... thats when he starts hanging out with other girls without telling you...
(ok he DOESNT need to be on check but dont you think he'd like to know if you were going out with another guy?) this would branch out to a completely different subject of revenge...
--fine... (branching out to a different subject of revenge but integrating it to the subject at hand)--
at first this "fairness" deal might seem pretty fair... but then it ends up a lil more spiteful... you start off with the idea to put yourself in the others shoes... asking "if i were him, would i want me to do this?" so you understand where they might be coming from...
ex. i will not kiss another guy because i know if he kissed another girl, i'd be hurt
that is, until SOMEONE GETS HURT! so maybe you slip one time and you check out guys more often than you should... and somehow he finds out... then his mentality changes to "well, if she can hurt me its ony FAIR to hurt her"... thats when all the f*cked up sh*t starts to happen... you start justifying wrong actions in fear that they are doing it too or doing something to that extreme to even it out... then its more like:
ex. so he's going out with his "friend" tonight, eh? well im gonna go call that other guy just to make it even. maybe he'll understand how i feel then
then the vicious cycle of lying returns... due to the fact that you have lost respect for each other from stuff you find out about each other... then you start doing bad things... things you wouldnt usually do if u had respect for a person... because the conflicting feeling of the inital love and caring still exists, the seed of lies begin to grow... inside, you know you dont want to hurt them but your perceptions are so whacked out that it doesnt even matter... all you want is revenge and to never be the "stupid person" who gets cheated on... so you do what you dont want to happen to you... but you lie about it so they will never know... you're not necessarily doing it to hurt them but to feel equal... to say "hey, i can do it too"... and maybe somewhere deep down inside is the sadistic need to hurt them just as they have hurt you... continuing the battle between the love that you once held and the vengeance you now believe will mend the pain...
-- done branching --
~> or your boyfriend could be a lying bastard just like 79.9% of the male popualtion... who is just horny and wants to get into everyone's used panties... then they just lie to hide that they are an ass... so u can only see the "sweet boyfriend" character he wants you to see... and maybe your boyfriend chose you to be the girlfriend cuz ure naive and will believe anything... you just never know...
(no)
when you arent the girlfriend, there are four things you can possibly be... girlfriend number two (or three or four), somebody's nobody, the other woman, or the omniscient friend...
girlfriend number (1, 2, 3...) :
so you're one of his many girlfriends... and maybe you dont know it... this is one of the things you should NEVER want to be... its bad enough if he cheats on his gf with another woman... but to cheat on his gf with other girlfriends? damn! now thats harsh...that will bring his "bad boy" stat WAY up! this should belong to the "yes" section but since she seems as insignificant as a non-girlfriend, then it belongs down here... this girl gets lies and no love ( or the bullsh*t kind)... god! *shakes head... i dont even wanna discuss being this one... too pathetic... sorry... akkk!
somebody's nobody:
the guy has no girlfriend... but he has plenty of lady friends to go around... and you're one of them... depending on his integrity, they might know about each other... actually it all just depends...
*reason why he might tell: 1. to be an honest guy, 2. to make em wanna compete for the "gf" space
*reason why he might not: 1. to be a player, 2. to not ruin chances with the girl who might be the future love of his life (he can tell her later, right?)
~> anyway... guys like this are just playing the field... see how many he can score and such... maybe someone might get lucky and he will choose one of the nobodies to be his somebody... but this might take awhile... there are benefits and many disadvantages to being this one... but at least there is hope... and thats all a girl really needs...
the other woman:
so he has a gf and he's cheating on her... it must suck to be her.... but not for you! he adores everything about you because you are everything his gf cant be to him... he complains about her but claims he cant let her go due to some stupid reason which all leads to the fact that he's a selfish d*ck... but at least you know more than the girlfriend and you get the benefits that she has... minus the "i love you" part depending on how emotionally unstable he is... the down side of this is he may not be 100% honest with you and he cant show any affection in public in fear of being seen by her, her friend, mutual friends, or other people that would tell on him... yeah, he holds you all night when you two are alone... but how can you stand living a secret? to many- it may be fun... *shrug
the omniscient friend:
so you're not the girlfriend and you're not a f*ck partner... so i guess that makes you more of a nobody than all the rest of em... or does it? you dont get ANY the physical benefits but you get the one thing most of them will never get... honesty... the whole truth and nothing but the truth so help you bob... he tells you things he'd tell a guy... stuff maybe you dont even WANT to know cuz it makes you lose faith in the male race... but he never bullsh*ts u... if he cancels on you cuz he has a date, you'll know... if he doesnt wanna talk anymore, he'll tell you... he might be a lil blunt and it might kinda hurt but... at least its the truth... and some girls are just happy with that... you may not be in top priority or be any part of his "to do" list... but think, when all the gilrs fade away, you'll still be there... and yeah, he's there for you too =)
(note: there are rare instances when the friend gets physical benefits but at times it weakens the bond and his ability to tell the truth... might denote you to one of the stages above)
but no matter what... your hand will never be held in public... he will never tell you he loves you (and mean it in "that" way)... he will never just hold you cuz ure next to him... you wont get a kiss goodbye... or ever hear the words "i miss you"... but those are the things a girl sacrafices for truth... to hear it, to breathe it, to live it...
i guess its up to you to decide which you want to be... and maybe sometimes you have no choice in where you end up... but mainly there are and always will be two options: to be or not be the girlfriend
*special side note of great importance*
name-calling of the opposite sex (i am a girl) is not a result of any hostility towards them (well, maybe a LITTLE)... but i do not hate men, in contradiction to popular belief... im just enhancing the manner of my writing by doing so... its not meant to put down anybody because i know a handful of great guys... i write words of anger for effect and not insult...
thank you and good night... er, afternoon...
this heart of mine was broken at 10:54:00 AM
0 people tried to mend this shattered heart
0 people tried to mend this shattered heart
Dear heart,
in the depths of my loneliness i begin to miss what me and bryan had... please do not confuse this nostalgia for yearning... im happy with the way things are now... i just wish i could meet someone already so i can fully move on with my life... yeah, im pretty moved on as it gets... im more "moved on" than ive ever been really... maybe i just feel guilty in finding pleasure when i see him... it just feels wrong to feel happy to see an ex... but then again, like my other friends i get happy when i see them too so whats the harm in that... and sometimes i dont feel like he's an ex... like he's just a friend who really knows me... and yeah thats what he is...
its just weird sometimes... cuz i remember all the reasons why i was all in love with him... at times, he's still that guy... but at the same time, he's totally not... anyway we've realized how incompatible we are for each other... and i would never ever wanna go back to being the "gf" again... maybe this is why im so hesitant in starting anything new... because it might lead to those backward times of "girlfriend/boyfriend" times...
in the depths of my loneliness i begin to miss what me and bryan had... please do not confuse this nostalgia for yearning... im happy with the way things are now... i just wish i could meet someone already so i can fully move on with my life... yeah, im pretty moved on as it gets... im more "moved on" than ive ever been really... maybe i just feel guilty in finding pleasure when i see him... it just feels wrong to feel happy to see an ex... but then again, like my other friends i get happy when i see them too so whats the harm in that... and sometimes i dont feel like he's an ex... like he's just a friend who really knows me... and yeah thats what he is...
its just weird sometimes... cuz i remember all the reasons why i was all in love with him... at times, he's still that guy... but at the same time, he's totally not... anyway we've realized how incompatible we are for each other... and i would never ever wanna go back to being the "gf" again... maybe this is why im so hesitant in starting anything new... because it might lead to those backward times of "girlfriend/boyfriend" times...
this heart of mine was broken at 10:34:00 AM
0 people tried to mend this shattered heart
0 people tried to mend this shattered heart
Tuesday, August 13, 2002
[[ article of the moment ]]
Why Good Girls Like Bad Boys // Why We Love 'Em
Bad boys are irresistible because of their free spirit. "In our society it's not OK for you to be as bad as your bad boy," says Carle. Therefore, you try to live vicariously through your dangerous dude. Just hanging out with him adds adventure and excitement to your life.
Another reason? A lot of gals hope to "tame" those smoldering rebels, says Dr. Carle. "(Some girls) want to be the savior, and if they can, in their mind, provide these guys with what they need then they figure that he'll stick around."
Unfortunately, it often doesn't happen that way, and things can quickly go south. You love his too-cool-to-care attitude, but are devastated if he doesn't say hello in the halls. You adore his spontaneous lifestyle, but get upset if he doesn't make time for you. Even if he drops the bad-boy act when it's just the two of you, are you really ready to give up public respect for private affection?
[[ saying of the moment ]]
"tell the truth and shame the devil"
Why Good Girls Like Bad Boys // Why We Love 'Em
Bad boys are irresistible because of their free spirit. "In our society it's not OK for you to be as bad as your bad boy," says Carle. Therefore, you try to live vicariously through your dangerous dude. Just hanging out with him adds adventure and excitement to your life.
Another reason? A lot of gals hope to "tame" those smoldering rebels, says Dr. Carle. "(Some girls) want to be the savior, and if they can, in their mind, provide these guys with what they need then they figure that he'll stick around."
Unfortunately, it often doesn't happen that way, and things can quickly go south. You love his too-cool-to-care attitude, but are devastated if he doesn't say hello in the halls. You adore his spontaneous lifestyle, but get upset if he doesn't make time for you. Even if he drops the bad-boy act when it's just the two of you, are you really ready to give up public respect for private affection?
[[ saying of the moment ]]
"tell the truth and shame the devil"
this heart of mine was broken at 10:22:00 PM
0 people tried to mend this shattered heart
0 people tried to mend this shattered heart
Dear heart,
quite an intersting day at work... i had an "AI" with adrian... o yeah, made up a new abbreviation... AI means "almost incident"... we were in the elevator together getting a knife for the cake... and he always messes around like "yeah what would you do if i kissed you right now"... he'd try to scare me by coming close and stuff... well today he got way to close, by close i mean his mouth... i look up at him and i could feel us both breathing all hard... cuz it was touching but not moving... and then the elevator door started to open and we pull away... then the lady at the nurse's station asked me why we both were red... we just looked at each other and started laughing...
the whole day was quite akward with random glances in each other direction... slipping a smile now and then... in the middle of it all, he goes: "you'd never give me a chance, huh?" my reply: "you have someone" then: "im gonna ask again. you'd never give me a chance?" so i just shook my head and walked away... then more akward silences in the file cabinet... before i leave he shakes his head at me and mumbles so only i can hear: "what are u so f*cking scared of?"
so i ask myself that now... what AM i afraid of? maybe of liking it... but its him... yeah i kinda find him attractive but everyone shouldnt go around kissing all those people they find attractive... it would be chaos... but then again, thas wut single people do... o GOD! im gonna stop dwelling on this... ANYWAY... im gonna go now...
[[ favorite pic of the moment ]]
Are ya ready kids?
Ay Ay Captain!
Ooooooohhhh....
Who lives in a pineapple under the sea?
Spongebob Squarepants!
Absorbant and yellow and porous is he!
Spongebob Squarepants!
If nautical nonsense be something you wish
Spongebob Squarepants!
Then drop on the deck and flop like a fish!
Spongebob Squarepants!
Spongebob Squarepants!
Spongebob Squarepants!
SpongeBob SquarePants
-SpongeBob is a sea sponge who lives with his pet snail, Gary, in a pineapple, and has an unusual love for his job. SpongeBob can't help looking on the bright side of life, and his positive outlook and enthusiasm about just about everything make him downright irresistible.
Patrick Star
Patrick is SpongeBob's neighbor and best friend, and his big ambition in life can be summed up in four words: "uh...I...uh...forget." . Unfortunately, Patrick's not exactly the brightest starfish in the sea. Even their simplest plans end in disaster. But for better or worse, Patrick will always be SpongeBob's loyal buddy.
Sandy Cheeks
Sandy Cheeks is a sea dome-dwelling squirrel who lives for action and adventure. Having attempted just about every death-defying stunt under the ocean, she's accepted the ultimate challenge: living underneath it in an oxygen-filled dome. Sandy is the apple of SpongeBob's eye. For Sandy, SpongeBob is the sea bottom's best stunt buddy, and when they get together, crash helmets and parachutes are usually required.
Squidward Tentacles
Squidward is a mean, whiny, stick-in-the-mud squid who thinks he's better than everyone else. Besides working side by side with SpongeBob at the Krusty Krab, Squidward is SpongeBob's nextdoor neighbor. If it weren't for the fact that SpongeBob is the only one who likes listening to his clarinet playing, Squidward would have nothing to do with him. SpongeBob, on the other hand, thinks the two of them are the lunch shift dream team.
quite an intersting day at work... i had an "AI" with adrian... o yeah, made up a new abbreviation... AI means "almost incident"... we were in the elevator together getting a knife for the cake... and he always messes around like "yeah what would you do if i kissed you right now"... he'd try to scare me by coming close and stuff... well today he got way to close, by close i mean his mouth... i look up at him and i could feel us both breathing all hard... cuz it was touching but not moving... and then the elevator door started to open and we pull away... then the lady at the nurse's station asked me why we both were red... we just looked at each other and started laughing...
the whole day was quite akward with random glances in each other direction... slipping a smile now and then... in the middle of it all, he goes: "you'd never give me a chance, huh?" my reply: "you have someone" then: "im gonna ask again. you'd never give me a chance?" so i just shook my head and walked away... then more akward silences in the file cabinet... before i leave he shakes his head at me and mumbles so only i can hear: "what are u so f*cking scared of?"
so i ask myself that now... what AM i afraid of? maybe of liking it... but its him... yeah i kinda find him attractive but everyone shouldnt go around kissing all those people they find attractive... it would be chaos... but then again, thas wut single people do... o GOD! im gonna stop dwelling on this... ANYWAY... im gonna go now...
[[ favorite pic of the moment ]]
Are ya ready kids?
Ay Ay Captain!
Ooooooohhhh....
Who lives in a pineapple under the sea?
Spongebob Squarepants!
Absorbant and yellow and porous is he!
Spongebob Squarepants!
If nautical nonsense be something you wish
Spongebob Squarepants!
Then drop on the deck and flop like a fish!
Spongebob Squarepants!
Spongebob Squarepants!
Spongebob Squarepants!
SpongeBob SquarePants
-SpongeBob is a sea sponge who lives with his pet snail, Gary, in a pineapple, and has an unusual love for his job. SpongeBob can't help looking on the bright side of life, and his positive outlook and enthusiasm about just about everything make him downright irresistible.
Patrick Star
Patrick is SpongeBob's neighbor and best friend, and his big ambition in life can be summed up in four words: "uh...I...uh...forget." . Unfortunately, Patrick's not exactly the brightest starfish in the sea. Even their simplest plans end in disaster. But for better or worse, Patrick will always be SpongeBob's loyal buddy.
Sandy Cheeks
Sandy Cheeks is a sea dome-dwelling squirrel who lives for action and adventure. Having attempted just about every death-defying stunt under the ocean, she's accepted the ultimate challenge: living underneath it in an oxygen-filled dome. Sandy is the apple of SpongeBob's eye. For Sandy, SpongeBob is the sea bottom's best stunt buddy, and when they get together, crash helmets and parachutes are usually required.
Squidward Tentacles
Squidward is a mean, whiny, stick-in-the-mud squid who thinks he's better than everyone else. Besides working side by side with SpongeBob at the Krusty Krab, Squidward is SpongeBob's nextdoor neighbor. If it weren't for the fact that SpongeBob is the only one who likes listening to his clarinet playing, Squidward would have nothing to do with him. SpongeBob, on the other hand, thinks the two of them are the lunch shift dream team.
this heart of mine was broken at 9:59:00 PM
0 people tried to mend this shattered heart
0 people tried to mend this shattered heart
Monday, August 12, 2002
Dear heart,
just the most average day a person could ever live thru... and this is how im slowly wasting away my summer... nothing really worth writing today, i suppose... oh no! my biggest fear has finally come true- i am the epitome of uninterestiness!
[[ guy lesson of the day ]]
when the guy is acting weird and aloof, maybe after a fight or an argument, girls tend to ask, "what wrong?"
and they say: "im just tired"
turns out, it can mean a LOT of things... it is obvious there is something troubling him... it may also mean "you're pissing me off"... it can mean a bad day at work... it could also be a guilt indicator... well thats wut my sources tell me so who knows how accurate it is...
just the most average day a person could ever live thru... and this is how im slowly wasting away my summer... nothing really worth writing today, i suppose... oh no! my biggest fear has finally come true- i am the epitome of uninterestiness!
[[ guy lesson of the day ]]
when the guy is acting weird and aloof, maybe after a fight or an argument, girls tend to ask, "what wrong?"
and they say: "im just tired"
turns out, it can mean a LOT of things... it is obvious there is something troubling him... it may also mean "you're pissing me off"... it can mean a bad day at work... it could also be a guilt indicator... well thats wut my sources tell me so who knows how accurate it is...
this heart of mine was broken at 10:50:00 PM
0 people tried to mend this shattered heart
0 people tried to mend this shattered heart
Dear heart,
its really hard to not let things affect you when you're a girl... like you cant help taking things personally and to the heart... i think its in our nature, isnt it? like you try not to care so much about some things that shouldnt affect you... but it does and thats what makes life all fudged up... and sometimes i just hate that part of me... the part that allows things to reach me... even though ive got the gates to my heart heavily guarded... im sure guys feel that way too but they're just smarter at hiding things like that... im a tad bit more obvious, i suppose... my heart feels heavy even though i know it shouldnt... how can nothing be affecting me so much?
dont you see, joanne? you hafto remember some stuff...
+ to not to care about people who will never feel the same about you
+ to stop forgiving like jeff said
+ to stop forgetting the wrongs people have burdened on you
+ to learn from your mistakes instead of making them over and over again
+ to take better care of your heart
+ to not give it out to just anyone
+ to let your mind wind over your heart somtimes even though the score is mind=2, heart= 23918329...
im gonna let this feeling pass... nothing has touched me... im ok...
its really hard to not let things affect you when you're a girl... like you cant help taking things personally and to the heart... i think its in our nature, isnt it? like you try not to care so much about some things that shouldnt affect you... but it does and thats what makes life all fudged up... and sometimes i just hate that part of me... the part that allows things to reach me... even though ive got the gates to my heart heavily guarded... im sure guys feel that way too but they're just smarter at hiding things like that... im a tad bit more obvious, i suppose... my heart feels heavy even though i know it shouldnt... how can nothing be affecting me so much?
dont you see, joanne? you hafto remember some stuff...
+ to not to care about people who will never feel the same about you
+ to stop forgiving like jeff said
+ to stop forgetting the wrongs people have burdened on you
+ to learn from your mistakes instead of making them over and over again
+ to take better care of your heart
+ to not give it out to just anyone
+ to let your mind wind over your heart somtimes even though the score is mind=2, heart= 23918329...
im gonna let this feeling pass... nothing has touched me... im ok...
this heart of mine was broken at 11:52:00 AM
0 people tried to mend this shattered heart
0 people tried to mend this shattered heart
[[ lyrics of the moment ]]
.: girls under glass :: frozen :.
You only see what your eyes want to see
How can life be what you want it to be
You're frozen
When your heart's not open
You're so consumed with how much you get
You waste your time with hate and regret
You're broken
When your heart's not open
Mmmmmm, if I could melt your heart
Mmmmmm, we'd never be apart
Mmmmmm, give yourself to me
Mmmmmm, you hold the key
Now there's no point in placing the blame
And you should know I suffer the same
If I lose you
My heart will be broken
Love is a bird, she needs to fly
Let all the hurt inside of you die
You're frozen
When your heart's not open
If I could melt your heart
.: girls under glass :: frozen :.
You only see what your eyes want to see
How can life be what you want it to be
You're frozen
When your heart's not open
You're so consumed with how much you get
You waste your time with hate and regret
You're broken
When your heart's not open
Mmmmmm, if I could melt your heart
Mmmmmm, we'd never be apart
Mmmmmm, give yourself to me
Mmmmmm, you hold the key
Now there's no point in placing the blame
And you should know I suffer the same
If I lose you
My heart will be broken
Love is a bird, she needs to fly
Let all the hurt inside of you die
You're frozen
When your heart's not open
If I could melt your heart
this heart of mine was broken at 11:49:00 AM
0 people tried to mend this shattered heart
0 people tried to mend this shattered heart
Sunday, August 11, 2002
Dear heart,
i saw bryan today for a bit... we bought a birthday present for his sis and ate dinner at denny's... it was kinda nice seeing him... i can still see why i used to love him so much, ya kno? he's fun to be with sometimes when we arent arguing like crazy... it was kinda neat getting a kiss goodbye from him... dont usually do that anymore... its just a hug... i dont know... im rambling... i like having friends... friends are good people... i dont know why i havent written anything mildly entertaining lately... guess the creativity well is going dry... o well... lets hope for rain... (and i dont mean tears)
i saw bryan today for a bit... we bought a birthday present for his sis and ate dinner at denny's... it was kinda nice seeing him... i can still see why i used to love him so much, ya kno? he's fun to be with sometimes when we arent arguing like crazy... it was kinda neat getting a kiss goodbye from him... dont usually do that anymore... its just a hug... i dont know... im rambling... i like having friends... friends are good people... i dont know why i havent written anything mildly entertaining lately... guess the creativity well is going dry... o well... lets hope for rain... (and i dont mean tears)
this heart of mine was broken at 1:58:00 AM
0 people tried to mend this shattered heart
0 people tried to mend this shattered heart
Saturday, August 10, 2002
Dear heart,
just got an email from a good friend:
WOMEN
# They smile when they want to scream.
# They sing when they want to cry.
# They cry when they are happy and laugh when they are nervous.
# They fight for what they believe in.
# They stand up for injustice.
# They don't take "no" for an answer when they believe there is a better solution.
# They go without new shoes so their children can have them.
# They go to the doctor with a frightened friend.
# They love unconditionally.
# They cry when their children excel and cheer when their friends get awards.
# They are happy when they hear about a birth or a new marriage.
# Their hearts break when a friend dies.
# They have sorrow at the loss of a family member, yet they are strong when they think there is no strength left.
# They know that a hug and a kiss can heal a broken heart.
Women come in all SIZES, in all colors and shapes. They'll drive, fly, walk, run or e-mail you to show how much they care about you. The heart of a woman is what makes the world spin!
Women do more than just give birth.
They bring joy and hope. // They give compassion and ideals. // They give moral support to their family and friends. // Women have a lot to say and a lot to give.
This has been sent to you from someone who respects you as a woman. Pass it along to your woman friends to remind them how amazing they are............Keep scrolling, there's more!!!!
IT'S BEAUTIFUL WOMEN MONTH and IT'S GOOD TO BE THE WOMAN
!! We got off the Titanic first.
!! We can scare male bosses with mysterious gynecological disorder excuses.
!! Taxis stop for us.
!! We don't look like a frog in a blender when dancing.
!! No fashion faux pas we make could ever rival The Speedo.
!! We don't have to pass gas to amuse ourselves.
!! If we forget to shave, no one has to know.
!! We can congratulate our teammate without ever touching her rear.
!! We never have to reach down every so often to make sure our privates are still there.
!! We have the ability to dress ourselves.
!! We can talk to people of the opposite sex without having to picture them naked.
!! If we marry someone 20 years younger, we're aware that we look like an idiot.
!! There are times when chocolate really can solve all your problems.
!! We'll never regret piercing our ears.
!! We can fully assess a person just by looking at their shoes.
!! We can make comments about how silly men are in their presence, because they aren't listening anyway.
SHOW THIS TO FIVE BRIGHT WOMEN YOU KNOW AND MAKE THEIR DAY!!!
just got an email from a good friend:
WOMEN
# They smile when they want to scream.
# They sing when they want to cry.
# They cry when they are happy and laugh when they are nervous.
# They fight for what they believe in.
# They stand up for injustice.
# They don't take "no" for an answer when they believe there is a better solution.
# They go without new shoes so their children can have them.
# They go to the doctor with a frightened friend.
# They love unconditionally.
# They cry when their children excel and cheer when their friends get awards.
# They are happy when they hear about a birth or a new marriage.
# Their hearts break when a friend dies.
# They have sorrow at the loss of a family member, yet they are strong when they think there is no strength left.
# They know that a hug and a kiss can heal a broken heart.
Women come in all SIZES, in all colors and shapes. They'll drive, fly, walk, run or e-mail you to show how much they care about you. The heart of a woman is what makes the world spin!
Women do more than just give birth.
They bring joy and hope. // They give compassion and ideals. // They give moral support to their family and friends. // Women have a lot to say and a lot to give.
This has been sent to you from someone who respects you as a woman. Pass it along to your woman friends to remind them how amazing they are............Keep scrolling, there's more!!!!
IT'S BEAUTIFUL WOMEN MONTH and IT'S GOOD TO BE THE WOMAN
!! We got off the Titanic first.
!! We can scare male bosses with mysterious gynecological disorder excuses.
!! Taxis stop for us.
!! We don't look like a frog in a blender when dancing.
!! No fashion faux pas we make could ever rival The Speedo.
!! We don't have to pass gas to amuse ourselves.
!! If we forget to shave, no one has to know.
!! We can congratulate our teammate without ever touching her rear.
!! We never have to reach down every so often to make sure our privates are still there.
!! We have the ability to dress ourselves.
!! We can talk to people of the opposite sex without having to picture them naked.
!! If we marry someone 20 years younger, we're aware that we look like an idiot.
!! There are times when chocolate really can solve all your problems.
!! We'll never regret piercing our ears.
!! We can fully assess a person just by looking at their shoes.
!! We can make comments about how silly men are in their presence, because they aren't listening anyway.
SHOW THIS TO FIVE BRIGHT WOMEN YOU KNOW AND MAKE THEIR DAY!!!
this heart of mine was broken at 10:50:00 PM
0 people tried to mend this shattered heart
0 people tried to mend this shattered heart
Dear heart,
yesterday was an interesting day... first my dad takes my car away and i couldnt make my hair appointment and i was REALLY frustarted and annoyed at everything... but tat ta da! friends to the rescue and we go dress up and take pictures... but then thru out all this... shawn keeps calling and hanging up... like he lets it ring once and then he hangs up... so i was like "wth?!" but i refused to call back because i figured if he wanted to talk to me, he would let it ring... once he let me answer it but then hung up right when i did... how childish! so eventually he did talk to me and told me he was at work... (thas nice... did i care? lol) so we hung up and he called back like 5 min later and asked wut i was doing later... so i was gonna hang with the girls and him... hehe... since they were gonna bring their boys with them after all... but then we were supposed to watch signs so tina and may said they had no money... grr... and it turns out we didnt even watch it cuz he's dumb...
so we drove to the beach instead... and everytime i stopped, he kept putting my car in neutral... (i got my car back at this point) i was like "you're messing up my car!!" but he just laughed and said i knew nothing about cars and to listen to him... but he put it on drive for me, which was really pointless... and i still had my sun glasses on at 7 cuz it was bright... but he just took it off for me and put it in the glove compartment for me... which was kinda nice of him... =/ anyway... he was being irritating when he kept changing my songs cuz he didnt like them... he finally settled down when i played my old school slow jams... and at one of the stop lights, he kissed me out of nowhere and some kid saw... *blush*
then we went to long beach town center and played arcades... we saw chad and shawn kinda acted weird... it was fun though he was disappointed they didnt have these bracelets he wanted... cuz he lost the other one... he wanted mine but he wanted me to have one too... o well... next time, i guess... and then it was 11:30 and i dropped him off his car which was on the next street... and i gave him a hug but no kiss... so we drove off making a face at each other... and when i was going on my street... he met me... i guess he turned on my street just to be weird... and that was my day... it seemed very long and i was tired...
i didnt even get to say bye to chris... kinda disappointed at that fact this morning... tried to call but it was too late, i suppose... haha kinda reminds me of that miss saigon song... will share that later cuz i hafto get ready...
yesterday was an interesting day... first my dad takes my car away and i couldnt make my hair appointment and i was REALLY frustarted and annoyed at everything... but tat ta da! friends to the rescue and we go dress up and take pictures... but then thru out all this... shawn keeps calling and hanging up... like he lets it ring once and then he hangs up... so i was like "wth?!" but i refused to call back because i figured if he wanted to talk to me, he would let it ring... once he let me answer it but then hung up right when i did... how childish! so eventually he did talk to me and told me he was at work... (thas nice... did i care? lol) so we hung up and he called back like 5 min later and asked wut i was doing later... so i was gonna hang with the girls and him... hehe... since they were gonna bring their boys with them after all... but then we were supposed to watch signs so tina and may said they had no money... grr... and it turns out we didnt even watch it cuz he's dumb...
so we drove to the beach instead... and everytime i stopped, he kept putting my car in neutral... (i got my car back at this point) i was like "you're messing up my car!!" but he just laughed and said i knew nothing about cars and to listen to him... but he put it on drive for me, which was really pointless... and i still had my sun glasses on at 7 cuz it was bright... but he just took it off for me and put it in the glove compartment for me... which was kinda nice of him... =/ anyway... he was being irritating when he kept changing my songs cuz he didnt like them... he finally settled down when i played my old school slow jams... and at one of the stop lights, he kissed me out of nowhere and some kid saw... *blush*
then we went to long beach town center and played arcades... we saw chad and shawn kinda acted weird... it was fun though he was disappointed they didnt have these bracelets he wanted... cuz he lost the other one... he wanted mine but he wanted me to have one too... o well... next time, i guess... and then it was 11:30 and i dropped him off his car which was on the next street... and i gave him a hug but no kiss... so we drove off making a face at each other... and when i was going on my street... he met me... i guess he turned on my street just to be weird... and that was my day... it seemed very long and i was tired...
i didnt even get to say bye to chris... kinda disappointed at that fact this morning... tried to call but it was too late, i suppose... haha kinda reminds me of that miss saigon song... will share that later cuz i hafto get ready...
this heart of mine was broken at 11:39:00 AM
0 people tried to mend this shattered heart
0 people tried to mend this shattered heart
Thursday, August 08, 2002
Dear heart,
it was an amusing day at work... we told riddles and i got all of them so who is the smart one now? im so tired for some reason and my feet smell so awful... i hope i dont forget my appointment at the hair place tomorrow... i tried on my dress today... i was all excited... just need to drop a few pounds then maybe it can fit just right, ya know? oh and chris is leaving to germany for 90 days... i hope he meets a nice german girl who says "dah" at his every whim... haha... so he will be missed... and fare thee well! yeah so ima go rest now... nights!
it was an amusing day at work... we told riddles and i got all of them so who is the smart one now? im so tired for some reason and my feet smell so awful... i hope i dont forget my appointment at the hair place tomorrow... i tried on my dress today... i was all excited... just need to drop a few pounds then maybe it can fit just right, ya know? oh and chris is leaving to germany for 90 days... i hope he meets a nice german girl who says "dah" at his every whim... haha... so he will be missed... and fare thee well! yeah so ima go rest now... nights!
this heart of mine was broken at 10:52:00 PM
0 people tried to mend this shattered heart
0 people tried to mend this shattered heart
[[ funny quote from by a regular person ]]
"yeah sure makes you want to reveal stories behind odd phrases used to describe wild memories which are then used in memory fights using a third person to carry out the communication..."
"yeah sure makes you want to reveal stories behind odd phrases used to describe wild memories which are then used in memory fights using a third person to carry out the communication..."
this heart of mine was broken at 1:11:00 PM
0 people tried to mend this shattered heart
0 people tried to mend this shattered heart
Dear heart,
"my main thrill in life is makeovers. they give me a sense of control in a world of chaos."
-cher, clueless
[[ jojo's makeover lessons ]]
:part uno:
find a person who is a BIG "L"... aka LOSER! preferbaly not good-looking and the subject of ridicule in their childhood days due to weight, facial features, or deformity
*screams* perfect example... this girl would definitely NOT turn heads on the street... she is stripped from all forms of make-up or means of hiding her ugliness...
:part dos:
lets start with the eyemake up, shall we? we apply sparkly base eyeshadow... extend all the way out to the tips of the eyebrows... then apply a darker shade, in this case purple, and put it right on the eye bone just above your lids... (tip: this is your crease!)
notice the eyes seem more open... you can see this zombie coming alive now...
:part tres:
of all the parts to this exercise, THIS is the most important part... the eyeliner must be applied with great precision and ease... make sure not to smudge and smear, make both sides even, and make sure not to poke your eye out or tearing could lead to heroine addict eyes... put it on the top lid and the bottom lid for more definition...
subjects eyes look less swollen and more like "normal" people eyes... praise the lord for eyeliner!
:part cuatro:
take the lipliner and outline the form of your lips... then fill the space inside with a much lighter form of the lipliner or gloss... re-line your lips to enhance lusciousness and to preserve the look...
no difference? the twins, lipstick and lipliner are a bonus for the makeover practice... it doesnt really make THAT much of a difference... but its like that edible flower on a cake... its not the frosting that makes it taste better (that would be the other stuff i.e.eyeshadow and eyeliner) but just for decoration to unite the whole presentation...
:part cinco:
now smile and pretend you love all that gook on your face =)
not a vast improvement but it'll hafto do... at least she can leave the house without having people run after her with torches!
i end this lesson with another cher (from clueless) quote...
"every girl deserves a makeover. it is a second chance at life"
***********
in total opposition to my statement above for the necessity of make up... i just watched shallow hal today and i wish all guys were hypnotized to see the inner beauty in everyone... i mean, i wish i was naturally pretty sometimes... where i dont NEED make-up... i feel so ugly to the point where i cant leave my house until i have eyeliner on... its become this obsessive complusion... but that movie gave me faith in boys and the rest of the human race... im even thinkin of trying to cure myself... and try to go without makeup for a few days... i mean, when i really go out ima dress up and stuff but not like leaving the house or getting some food and other trivial errands where i dont need assistance or enhancement to my overly plain face... ok im rambling and im insecure... but one day, you watch... im gonna let someone see whats underneath it all... maybe they will still like me for who i am... and maybe they might even find me attractive in some distorted manner... maybe someone will... just maybe...
"my main thrill in life is makeovers. they give me a sense of control in a world of chaos."
-cher, clueless
[[ jojo's makeover lessons ]]
:part uno:
find a person who is a BIG "L"... aka LOSER! preferbaly not good-looking and the subject of ridicule in their childhood days due to weight, facial features, or deformity
*screams* perfect example... this girl would definitely NOT turn heads on the street... she is stripped from all forms of make-up or means of hiding her ugliness...
:part dos:
lets start with the eyemake up, shall we? we apply sparkly base eyeshadow... extend all the way out to the tips of the eyebrows... then apply a darker shade, in this case purple, and put it right on the eye bone just above your lids... (tip: this is your crease!)
notice the eyes seem more open... you can see this zombie coming alive now...
:part tres:
of all the parts to this exercise, THIS is the most important part... the eyeliner must be applied with great precision and ease... make sure not to smudge and smear, make both sides even, and make sure not to poke your eye out or tearing could lead to heroine addict eyes... put it on the top lid and the bottom lid for more definition...
subjects eyes look less swollen and more like "normal" people eyes... praise the lord for eyeliner!
:part cuatro:
take the lipliner and outline the form of your lips... then fill the space inside with a much lighter form of the lipliner or gloss... re-line your lips to enhance lusciousness and to preserve the look...
no difference? the twins, lipstick and lipliner are a bonus for the makeover practice... it doesnt really make THAT much of a difference... but its like that edible flower on a cake... its not the frosting that makes it taste better (that would be the other stuff i.e.eyeshadow and eyeliner) but just for decoration to unite the whole presentation...
:part cinco:
now smile and pretend you love all that gook on your face =)
not a vast improvement but it'll hafto do... at least she can leave the house without having people run after her with torches!
i end this lesson with another cher (from clueless) quote...
"every girl deserves a makeover. it is a second chance at life"
in total opposition to my statement above for the necessity of make up... i just watched shallow hal today and i wish all guys were hypnotized to see the inner beauty in everyone... i mean, i wish i was naturally pretty sometimes... where i dont NEED make-up... i feel so ugly to the point where i cant leave my house until i have eyeliner on... its become this obsessive complusion... but that movie gave me faith in boys and the rest of the human race... im even thinkin of trying to cure myself... and try to go without makeup for a few days... i mean, when i really go out ima dress up and stuff but not like leaving the house or getting some food and other trivial errands where i dont need assistance or enhancement to my overly plain face... ok im rambling and im insecure... but one day, you watch... im gonna let someone see whats underneath it all... maybe they will still like me for who i am... and maybe they might even find me attractive in some distorted manner... maybe someone will... just maybe...
this heart of mine was broken at 2:26:00 AM
0 people tried to mend this shattered heart
0 people tried to mend this shattered heart
Wednesday, August 07, 2002
Dear heart,
this is another work related topic but i thought it deserved its own entree... well theres this guy at work... he's always been there and i really havent mentioned him to you... im adding him to my featuring section... "brent" is his new name... something about him always drew me to him... and i finally figured out wut that was... he reminds me of the guy i like right now... i mean, i FLIRT with him because i feel like he's the other guy... which is SO incredibly wrong... my mind has already made assumptions that they are the same person... but they are not... i know they are completely different... who knows if they even have anything in common... just the fact that he's tall and the shirts he wears... its crazy, i KNOW that... ok its really bad taking advantage of the fact that i have feelings for someone i can never have and this poor unsuspecting boy who happens to remind me of him is gonna get the burn for it... o im not trying anything, its just the fact that im benefiting from this somehow... and im getting satisfaction pretending in my head and living in my imaginary world that its him... aint it twisted?
everytime i make copies, there he is popping up behind me and striking up a conversation... sometimes i just wanna call him ___ instead of brent... its really funny cuz they are nothing alike... not even looks... just sumthing about him... i DONT know... im insane! maybe its the nose... they have cute noses... or they have a cute look to them... i mean, this mystery guy i like- he's not a model but he is WAY too cute... like i melt when im around him... *BIG SMILE* yeah im acting goofy again... see! thats what happens when im around brent... i feel like he's ___! so im all comfy with him and i might have a chance with this guy... oh who knows... i dont know why ive never mentioned him before... but now i have... so end of the interogation! =)
[[ wise quote by a regular person ]]
"people dont know what they have until its gone... no actually sometimes people just dont know what they got... (even when it's still there)"
this is another work related topic but i thought it deserved its own entree... well theres this guy at work... he's always been there and i really havent mentioned him to you... im adding him to my featuring section... "brent" is his new name... something about him always drew me to him... and i finally figured out wut that was... he reminds me of the guy i like right now... i mean, i FLIRT with him because i feel like he's the other guy... which is SO incredibly wrong... my mind has already made assumptions that they are the same person... but they are not... i know they are completely different... who knows if they even have anything in common... just the fact that he's tall and the shirts he wears... its crazy, i KNOW that... ok its really bad taking advantage of the fact that i have feelings for someone i can never have and this poor unsuspecting boy who happens to remind me of him is gonna get the burn for it... o im not trying anything, its just the fact that im benefiting from this somehow... and im getting satisfaction pretending in my head and living in my imaginary world that its him... aint it twisted?
everytime i make copies, there he is popping up behind me and striking up a conversation... sometimes i just wanna call him ___ instead of brent... its really funny cuz they are nothing alike... not even looks... just sumthing about him... i DONT know... im insane! maybe its the nose... they have cute noses... or they have a cute look to them... i mean, this mystery guy i like- he's not a model but he is WAY too cute... like i melt when im around him... *BIG SMILE* yeah im acting goofy again... see! thats what happens when im around brent... i feel like he's ___! so im all comfy with him and i might have a chance with this guy... oh who knows... i dont know why ive never mentioned him before... but now i have... so end of the interogation! =)
[[ wise quote by a regular person ]]
"people dont know what they have until its gone... no actually sometimes people just dont know what they got... (even when it's still there)"
this heart of mine was broken at 11:01:00 PM
0 people tried to mend this shattered heart
0 people tried to mend this shattered heart
Dear heart,
work is like the essence of my blogging inspirations... while im on that computer, im just fantasizing for it to have internet access so i can write on this... its quite obsessive and creepy, i know... but i doubt it can be helped... i just think a lot at work and i just imagine how im gonna write it in here... and i noticed quite a few things today...
coincidence
today we were talking about memory and how amazing that lil girl was who identified that one kidnapper... well they were asking if anyone remember what anyone was wearing yesterday... so we went around and people would just shrug or an iffy "i THINK you were wearing pants, right?" until it came to adrian... and he's all, "weren't you wearing that brown top with flowers or whatever sh*t was on it and those khaki cords?" we all just shut up with our mouths open... first of all, I didnt even remember wut the hell i was wearing yesterday... and when you ask him "what was he wearing? or what was she wearing?" he'd shrug or say that iffy "i THINK you were wearing ___..." funny thing was, i remembered what he wore too... and i blurted it out like you were wearing that brown flannel with the red stripes and those dark brown slacks... kinda weird... cowinkydink? probably...
mr hyde aint hiding no more
for all you who know me personally, have you noticed something ODD about me lately? because ive just noticed it recently and im like "ew!" it seems i have acquired a new style of laughing... a grotesque, irritating snort that comes out of nowhere sometimes... the hideous sound gives me chills when it escapes from my lips... i dont know how it could be possible to create such a thing... its like an evil cartoon character style cackle... akkk! i dont know if this is a phase and someone is influencing me or if this is it... im gonna have a wretched laugh the rest of my cursed life... i dont laugh like that! you dont understand! i giggle and i may have a deep laugh now and then when something is really funny... but this is ridiculous! its so ugly... you should hear it... *shudder
lonely
something made me very sad today... EVERYone at work gets phone calls... and each person gets it at least once a day...except for me... the only person who used to call me was jeff... but who knows where he is now... and people call me at random times but those are very rare... i always usually end up calling people instead... =/ how unloved am i! makes me kinda want someone in my life... in complete contradiction to the whole "guys= drama" theory... *shrug what can you do, right?
work is like the essence of my blogging inspirations... while im on that computer, im just fantasizing for it to have internet access so i can write on this... its quite obsessive and creepy, i know... but i doubt it can be helped... i just think a lot at work and i just imagine how im gonna write it in here... and i noticed quite a few things today...
coincidence
today we were talking about memory and how amazing that lil girl was who identified that one kidnapper... well they were asking if anyone remember what anyone was wearing yesterday... so we went around and people would just shrug or an iffy "i THINK you were wearing pants, right?" until it came to adrian... and he's all, "weren't you wearing that brown top with flowers or whatever sh*t was on it and those khaki cords?" we all just shut up with our mouths open... first of all, I didnt even remember wut the hell i was wearing yesterday... and when you ask him "what was he wearing? or what was she wearing?" he'd shrug or say that iffy "i THINK you were wearing ___..." funny thing was, i remembered what he wore too... and i blurted it out like you were wearing that brown flannel with the red stripes and those dark brown slacks... kinda weird... cowinkydink? probably...
mr hyde aint hiding no more
for all you who know me personally, have you noticed something ODD about me lately? because ive just noticed it recently and im like "ew!" it seems i have acquired a new style of laughing... a grotesque, irritating snort that comes out of nowhere sometimes... the hideous sound gives me chills when it escapes from my lips... i dont know how it could be possible to create such a thing... its like an evil cartoon character style cackle... akkk! i dont know if this is a phase and someone is influencing me or if this is it... im gonna have a wretched laugh the rest of my cursed life... i dont laugh like that! you dont understand! i giggle and i may have a deep laugh now and then when something is really funny... but this is ridiculous! its so ugly... you should hear it... *shudder
lonely
something made me very sad today... EVERYone at work gets phone calls... and each person gets it at least once a day...except for me... the only person who used to call me was jeff... but who knows where he is now... and people call me at random times but those are very rare... i always usually end up calling people instead... =/ how unloved am i! makes me kinda want someone in my life... in complete contradiction to the whole "guys= drama" theory... *shrug what can you do, right?
this heart of mine was broken at 9:55:00 PM
0 people tried to mend this shattered heart
0 people tried to mend this shattered heart
Dear heart,
sorry for negelecting you... its just all this new server and buying my own domain business thats keeping me really occupied...i was quite excited about the whole thing at first... but then i just realized i was totally clueless about this whole web conspiracy... so maybe i managed to out this site together... but TRUST me! it does not even come close to comparing to what i had to learn from the help center guy i bought my hosting from... it was like "whoa! didnt know about that..." well now im more intelligent than i was yesterday so that could be an up for this whole thing... but basically its stressing me out big time... like i cant stop thinking about my new layout and what im gonna put on... the random quotes i might use... and HOW exactly im gonna go about accomplishing this whole fiasco...
there are many things to look forward to... like ima have songs of the week... etc. ok i think im done apologizing and rationalizing to myself so that is all...
sorry for negelecting you... its just all this new server and buying my own domain business thats keeping me really occupied...i was quite excited about the whole thing at first... but then i just realized i was totally clueless about this whole web conspiracy... so maybe i managed to out this site together... but TRUST me! it does not even come close to comparing to what i had to learn from the help center guy i bought my hosting from... it was like "whoa! didnt know about that..." well now im more intelligent than i was yesterday so that could be an up for this whole thing... but basically its stressing me out big time... like i cant stop thinking about my new layout and what im gonna put on... the random quotes i might use... and HOW exactly im gonna go about accomplishing this whole fiasco...
there are many things to look forward to... like ima have songs of the week... etc. ok i think im done apologizing and rationalizing to myself so that is all...
this heart of mine was broken at 9:35:00 PM
0 people tried to mend this shattered heart
0 people tried to mend this shattered heart
Tuesday, August 06, 2002
Dear heart,
when at first people stumble upon my site (especially my friends), their first reaction is "why would anyone want to tell the world everything?" and sometimes, i really dont know... i guess it wasnt meant for them... it was meant for me... and the fact that a million strangers get to read it allows people to connect with me without having to know me... and somehow that's comforting... the anonyminity of blogging is quite exhilirating... getting to know what goes on in other people's heads is such a rush... and then you find someone who takes the words right out of your mouth... then you get this accomplished feeling liek you weren't alone after all... somewhere out there, someone is feeling what you're feeling... someone understands... and i'd sacrifice telling about my life for that...
when at first people stumble upon my site (especially my friends), their first reaction is "why would anyone want to tell the world everything?" and sometimes, i really dont know... i guess it wasnt meant for them... it was meant for me... and the fact that a million strangers get to read it allows people to connect with me without having to know me... and somehow that's comforting... the anonyminity of blogging is quite exhilirating... getting to know what goes on in other people's heads is such a rush... and then you find someone who takes the words right out of your mouth... then you get this accomplished feeling liek you weren't alone after all... somewhere out there, someone is feeling what you're feeling... someone understands... and i'd sacrifice telling about my life for that...
this heart of mine was broken at 12:05:00 AM
0 people tried to mend this shattered heart
0 people tried to mend this shattered heart
Monday, August 05, 2002
Dear heart,
i found amusement in blocking and warning pathetic weirdos from online... muahahaha! and i guess besides the minor irritation it is placing upon me, i can put polyanna's glad game into use here... im just glad im not as lovesick as some people in this world... i thought i was pathetic and needy... i know i dont have all the answers but at least i have gotten out of the box and i can see where ive been... one must step out of the box to fully understand a situation... (box analogy in courtesy of bryan advice)
im totally over everyone who has ever hurt me... i have feelings for someone who i wont allow to hurt me again... im not happy but im not depressed either... (pay no attention to previous entries influenced by a hormonal embalance) i have enough friends to know people care... i have enough bad days to appreciate the good ones... ive had enough smiles and sunshine to last me through my rainy days... i was given enough freedom to have fun but enough restriction to be safe... there are enough cute boys in the world to make my heart skip a beat once in a while... and there are enough nice guys who give me faith that maybe there are more of them out there... and now im smiling... yay!
i found amusement in blocking and warning pathetic weirdos from online... muahahaha! and i guess besides the minor irritation it is placing upon me, i can put polyanna's glad game into use here... im just glad im not as lovesick as some people in this world... i thought i was pathetic and needy... i know i dont have all the answers but at least i have gotten out of the box and i can see where ive been... one must step out of the box to fully understand a situation... (box analogy in courtesy of bryan advice)
im totally over everyone who has ever hurt me... i have feelings for someone who i wont allow to hurt me again... im not happy but im not depressed either... (pay no attention to previous entries influenced by a hormonal embalance) i have enough friends to know people care... i have enough bad days to appreciate the good ones... ive had enough smiles and sunshine to last me through my rainy days... i was given enough freedom to have fun but enough restriction to be safe... there are enough cute boys in the world to make my heart skip a beat once in a while... and there are enough nice guys who give me faith that maybe there are more of them out there... and now im smiling... yay!
this heart of mine was broken at 1:09:00 PM
0 people tried to mend this shattered heart
0 people tried to mend this shattered heart
[[ story time ]]
Once upon a time, a beautiful, independent, self-assured princess happened upon a frog in a pond. The frog said to the princess, "I was once a handsome prince until an evil witch put a spell on me. One kiss from you and I will turn back into a prince and then we can marry, move into the castle with my mom, and you can prepare my meals, clean my clothes, bear my children, and forever feel happy doing so."
That night the princess dined on frog's legs, laughing to herself and saying, "I don't think so."
[[ stories by me ]]
once upon a time there was a princess. she lived in castle with high walls for fear of getting hurt from the outside world. one day a boy from the village was let in because she saw he was different from the rest. he became her lover and companion. she had found her love. on their wedding night, he stabbed her in the chest, took her money, and left her there. he was never heard from again. the princess was left with nothing but a broken heart.
::analysis::
sometimes people are so afraid of getting hurt that they never let people in their lives. then the first guy they see seems so perfect like they are different from the rest. but its those who make you believe so that are the most dangerous. trust is a big issue in this story. who can we trust? sometimes by letting people in, you get the bad in with the good. girls are usually so eager to believe what a guy says that they let all their guard down which is just as bad as having it all up.
now the boy... maybe he loved her at the point but emotions are fickle and maybe her naivety got irritating and eventually he just saw her as an object. he saw past the person into her money. or maybe his intenstions were just to get a virgin and get wut he can from her. bastard! >:(
once upon there was a prince who hated girls. he would say nasty, rude comments whenever he saw one. until one day he met this girl. he felt things he never felt before. love. they were almost going to live happily ever after but her parents made her move to another kingdom. again the prince hated girls, but moreso since one broke his heart. until one day he met this girl. he felt things he never felt before. love.
::analysis::
this prince was obviously growing up from the "ew girls equals cooties" stage to "woohoo! girls are pretty!" infatuation is an often instant feeling and known to be mistaken for love. one can learn that when one door closes, another one opens... or guys are just pros at getting over people... and then love seems so much fickler than before...
Once upon a time, a beautiful, independent, self-assured princess happened upon a frog in a pond. The frog said to the princess, "I was once a handsome prince until an evil witch put a spell on me. One kiss from you and I will turn back into a prince and then we can marry, move into the castle with my mom, and you can prepare my meals, clean my clothes, bear my children, and forever feel happy doing so."
That night the princess dined on frog's legs, laughing to herself and saying, "I don't think so."
[[ stories by me ]]
once upon a time there was a princess. she lived in castle with high walls for fear of getting hurt from the outside world. one day a boy from the village was let in because she saw he was different from the rest. he became her lover and companion. she had found her love. on their wedding night, he stabbed her in the chest, took her money, and left her there. he was never heard from again. the princess was left with nothing but a broken heart.
::analysis::
sometimes people are so afraid of getting hurt that they never let people in their lives. then the first guy they see seems so perfect like they are different from the rest. but its those who make you believe so that are the most dangerous. trust is a big issue in this story. who can we trust? sometimes by letting people in, you get the bad in with the good. girls are usually so eager to believe what a guy says that they let all their guard down which is just as bad as having it all up.
now the boy... maybe he loved her at the point but emotions are fickle and maybe her naivety got irritating and eventually he just saw her as an object. he saw past the person into her money. or maybe his intenstions were just to get a virgin and get wut he can from her. bastard! >:(
once upon there was a prince who hated girls. he would say nasty, rude comments whenever he saw one. until one day he met this girl. he felt things he never felt before. love. they were almost going to live happily ever after but her parents made her move to another kingdom. again the prince hated girls, but moreso since one broke his heart. until one day he met this girl. he felt things he never felt before. love.
::analysis::
this prince was obviously growing up from the "ew girls equals cooties" stage to "woohoo! girls are pretty!" infatuation is an often instant feeling and known to be mistaken for love. one can learn that when one door closes, another one opens... or guys are just pros at getting over people... and then love seems so much fickler than before...
this heart of mine was broken at 11:15:00 AM
0 people tried to mend this shattered heart
0 people tried to mend this shattered heart
Dear heart,
im not quite sure how i feel this morning... all i know is i LOATHE pms!
[[ 10 things i hate about you ]]
x i find evidence in why the whole world hates me
x im generally frustrated and one word could make me explode
x i hang up when i feel like it
x simple words like "bird" or anything not mildly touching makes me cry; everything affects me a little more than it should
x i feel alone like no one understands me
x i get hopeless and temporarily suicidal
x talk about mood swings... "muahahaha! *sniff *sniff"
x im easily irritated by things that usually made me smile before
x i note all my flaws and remember to hate myself again
x and lastly, because i know that damn period is making its ways into my beautiful underpanties! grr!
im not quite sure how i feel this morning... all i know is i LOATHE pms!
[[ 10 things i hate about you ]]
x i find evidence in why the whole world hates me
x im generally frustrated and one word could make me explode
x i hang up when i feel like it
x simple words like "bird" or anything not mildly touching makes me cry; everything affects me a little more than it should
x i feel alone like no one understands me
x i get hopeless and temporarily suicidal
x talk about mood swings... "muahahaha! *sniff *sniff"
x im easily irritated by things that usually made me smile before
x i note all my flaws and remember to hate myself again
x and lastly, because i know that damn period is making its ways into my beautiful underpanties! grr!
this heart of mine was broken at 10:26:00 AM
0 people tried to mend this shattered heart
0 people tried to mend this shattered heart
Dear heart,
where is he? where is that guy im supposed to be with? what's taking him so damn long?
I like him. I don't like him. I like him. I don't like him. I like him. I don't like him. I like him. I don't like him. I like him. I don't like him. Ultimately, that means, I don't like him.
I feel like I'm back in high school. The whole fickle thing dealy deal. If you went to my high school, then you'll know, I had a new crush about every 3-6 weeks or so. It was fun. And it still is.
See, with crushes... you get that rush, that mystery feeling, that newness feeling, and butterflies all at once. And it'll never get so far enough that you'll get your heart broken. It's 100% safe.
[[ quote of the moment ]]
"How can you tell the sun not to shine when clouds exist. How can you ask leaves not to fall when wind exists. How can you tell me not to fall in love when you exist"
where is he? where is that guy im supposed to be with? what's taking him so damn long?
I like him. I don't like him. I like him. I don't like him. I like him. I don't like him. I like him. I don't like him. I like him. I don't like him. Ultimately, that means, I don't like him.
I feel like I'm back in high school. The whole fickle thing dealy deal. If you went to my high school, then you'll know, I had a new crush about every 3-6 weeks or so. It was fun. And it still is.
See, with crushes... you get that rush, that mystery feeling, that newness feeling, and butterflies all at once. And it'll never get so far enough that you'll get your heart broken. It's 100% safe.
[[ quote of the moment ]]
"How can you tell the sun not to shine when clouds exist. How can you ask leaves not to fall when wind exists. How can you tell me not to fall in love when you exist"
this heart of mine was broken at 2:40:00 AM
0 people tried to mend this shattered heart
0 people tried to mend this shattered heart
[[ thought of the moment ]]
people will talk to you
and then they'll change again
you're not gonna see the same me
tomorrow
as a matter of fact
you'll never see me again
and we always create these ideas
who we are
where we're gonna be
we go in and out of phases
run in and out of people
.brought to you by S.T.
people will talk to you
and then they'll change again
you're not gonna see the same me
tomorrow
as a matter of fact
you'll never see me again
and we always create these ideas
who we are
where we're gonna be
we go in and out of phases
run in and out of people
.brought to you by S.T.
this heart of mine was broken at 1:57:00 AM
0 people tried to mend this shattered heart
0 people tried to mend this shattered heart
Dear heart,
i feel something inside that just tears me up somehow... i dont know what it could be this time... its been a very tough time, i think... and ive been trying to hide it with keeping busy and all this junk i've been doing lately...
please dont let me fool you with my cheerfulness... the kind where you think i dont know what it's like to be sad... the aura that screams "how can anyone be sad in such a beautiful world?"... but look deeper... underneath that permanent smile and through my empty brown eyes... lies this poor creature... and she's scared to death of being alone... she's just as sad as everybody else but no one can find her because she is trying to lose that part of herself... except you cant fix things by pretending they arent there... but thats what she's doing... and its this never-ending trap...
i feel something inside that just tears me up somehow... i dont know what it could be this time... its been a very tough time, i think... and ive been trying to hide it with keeping busy and all this junk i've been doing lately...
please dont let me fool you with my cheerfulness... the kind where you think i dont know what it's like to be sad... the aura that screams "how can anyone be sad in such a beautiful world?"... but look deeper... underneath that permanent smile and through my empty brown eyes... lies this poor creature... and she's scared to death of being alone... she's just as sad as everybody else but no one can find her because she is trying to lose that part of herself... except you cant fix things by pretending they arent there... but thats what she's doing... and its this never-ending trap...
this heart of mine was broken at 1:52:00 AM
0 people tried to mend this shattered heart
0 people tried to mend this shattered heart
[[ poem of the hour ]]
Tonight I can write the saddest lines.
I loved her, and sometimes she loved me too.
Through nights like this one I held her in my arms.
I kissed her again and again under the endless sky.
She loved me, sometimes I loved her too.
How could one not have loved her great still eyes.
Tonight I can write the saddest lines.
To think that I do not have her. To feel that I have lost her.
To hear the immense night, still more immense without her.
And the verse falls to the soul like dew to the pasture.
What does it matter that my love could not keep her.
The night is shattered and she is not with me.
This is all. In the distance someone is singing. In the distance.
My soul is not satisfied that it has lost her.
My sight searches for her as though to go to her.
My heart looks for her, and she is not with me.
The same night whitening the same trees.
We, of that time, are no longer the same.
I no longer love her, that's certain, but how I loved her.
My voice tried to find the wind to touch her hearing.
Another's. She will be another's. Like my kisses before.
Her voice. Her bright body. Her infinite eyes.
I no longer love her, that's certain, but maybe I love her.
Love is so short, forgetting is so long.
Because through nights like this one I held her in my arms.
My soul is not satisfied that it has lost her.
Though this be the last pain that she makes me suffer
and these the last verses that I write for her.
-Paul Neruda
Tonight I can write the saddest lines.
I loved her, and sometimes she loved me too.
Through nights like this one I held her in my arms.
I kissed her again and again under the endless sky.
She loved me, sometimes I loved her too.
How could one not have loved her great still eyes.
Tonight I can write the saddest lines.
To think that I do not have her. To feel that I have lost her.
To hear the immense night, still more immense without her.
And the verse falls to the soul like dew to the pasture.
What does it matter that my love could not keep her.
The night is shattered and she is not with me.
This is all. In the distance someone is singing. In the distance.
My soul is not satisfied that it has lost her.
My sight searches for her as though to go to her.
My heart looks for her, and she is not with me.
The same night whitening the same trees.
We, of that time, are no longer the same.
I no longer love her, that's certain, but how I loved her.
My voice tried to find the wind to touch her hearing.
Another's. She will be another's. Like my kisses before.
Her voice. Her bright body. Her infinite eyes.
I no longer love her, that's certain, but maybe I love her.
Love is so short, forgetting is so long.
Because through nights like this one I held her in my arms.
My soul is not satisfied that it has lost her.
Though this be the last pain that she makes me suffer
and these the last verses that I write for her.
-Paul Neruda
this heart of mine was broken at 1:40:00 AM
0 people tried to mend this shattered heart
0 people tried to mend this shattered heart
Dear diary,
life can seem so meaningless... it seems everywhere i turn there is a dead end... i just feel like giving up on everything, ya know? and ive come to the conclusion that liking somebody takes too much effort and i dont feel like having a crush right now... so forget that...
it was so much easier as a kid... you have so many crushes and boyfriends that changed with the weather... and it didnt matter if they liked you or not... all that mattered is that they played with you that day... worries were so much smaller and lives were so much more simple... and its true... "skinned knees are easier to fix than broken hearts"... i think i was happier then... cuz i didnt understand a lot of things... but now reality has caught up to me and it stings my naive eyes... i just wanna crawl into a ball and have someone hold me... just like when i was that lil girl...
life can seem so meaningless... it seems everywhere i turn there is a dead end... i just feel like giving up on everything, ya know? and ive come to the conclusion that liking somebody takes too much effort and i dont feel like having a crush right now... so forget that...
it was so much easier as a kid... you have so many crushes and boyfriends that changed with the weather... and it didnt matter if they liked you or not... all that mattered is that they played with you that day... worries were so much smaller and lives were so much more simple... and its true... "skinned knees are easier to fix than broken hearts"... i think i was happier then... cuz i didnt understand a lot of things... but now reality has caught up to me and it stings my naive eyes... i just wanna crawl into a ball and have someone hold me... just like when i was that lil girl...
this heart of mine was broken at 12:57:00 AM
0 people tried to mend this shattered heart
0 people tried to mend this shattered heart
Saturday, August 03, 2002
Dear heart,
ive watched many "prozac rampant" movies and i think its contagious... ok, so MAYBE i started off with a bad day... but then i started watching polyanna and her "glad" games... makes me want to talk in a british accent and be glad about everything... saying "oh my GOODness.... thats Goooorjus (gorgeous in a brit accent)!" then after that, i continue the "glad" feeling with the sound of music and how maria's spunk and nonconformity trapped the Von Trapp's heart... hehe... so that kinda helped my mood...
this is just a GENERAL observation... but what am i? just a freaking stand-in replacement for a friend? "well my new best friend is back so i dont need you to hang around me anymore cuz u were just filling in his space"... yeah well it just felt like it... maybe thats wut contributed to my mounting PMS... but im better now...
i had fun with the webcam again cuz chris was online... and i got a pic of him laughing... it made me crack up... especially his face after i sent him his own picture...
ahahahahah!!!
but hey... chris is a million miles away... i doubt he can kill me.... i dont even think he has any intentions to kill... even tho he is mr macho air force dude... he couldnt hurt a fly...
and if he hates me, he still left me with this... =D
(FYI: thats supposed to be a kiss)
so all this made my day... thank you for your contribution...
ive watched many "prozac rampant" movies and i think its contagious... ok, so MAYBE i started off with a bad day... but then i started watching polyanna and her "glad" games... makes me want to talk in a british accent and be glad about everything... saying "oh my GOODness.... thats Goooorjus (gorgeous in a brit accent)!" then after that, i continue the "glad" feeling with the sound of music and how maria's spunk and nonconformity trapped the Von Trapp's heart... hehe... so that kinda helped my mood...
this is just a GENERAL observation... but what am i? just a freaking stand-in replacement for a friend? "well my new best friend is back so i dont need you to hang around me anymore cuz u were just filling in his space"... yeah well it just felt like it... maybe thats wut contributed to my mounting PMS... but im better now...
i had fun with the webcam again cuz chris was online... and i got a pic of him laughing... it made me crack up... especially his face after i sent him his own picture...
ahahahahah!!!
but hey... chris is a million miles away... i doubt he can kill me.... i dont even think he has any intentions to kill... even tho he is mr macho air force dude... he couldnt hurt a fly...
and if he hates me, he still left me with this... =D
(FYI: thats supposed to be a kiss)
so all this made my day... thank you for your contribution...
this heart of mine was broken at 11:13:00 PM
0 people tried to mend this shattered heart
0 people tried to mend this shattered heart
[[ song of the moment ]]
Can you hear it in my voice
Was it something I let slip
Does the whole world know
Isn't it obvious?
I'm the one who's in control
Now i'm acting like a fool
Do my feelings show?
Is my face aglow?
Isn't it obvious?
That I don't know what
I'm doing anymore
I'm feeling like a little girl
Caught up in emotions
I'm out of control
Isn't it obvious?
Do you see my hands, they tremble
Wonder why I can't
Look you in the eyes
Don't know how long I can keep this inside
Isn't it obvious?
Suddenly these emotions are
In control of my heart
Can you see it in my eyes
Every glance, every smile
Must give me away
And I feel so much I can't hide
Can you hear it in my voice
Was it something I let slip
Does the whole world know
Isn't it obvious?
I'm the one who's in control
Now i'm acting like a fool
Do my feelings show?
Is my face aglow?
Isn't it obvious?
That I don't know what
I'm doing anymore
I'm feeling like a little girl
Caught up in emotions
I'm out of control
Isn't it obvious?
Do you see my hands, they tremble
Wonder why I can't
Look you in the eyes
Don't know how long I can keep this inside
Isn't it obvious?
Suddenly these emotions are
In control of my heart
Can you see it in my eyes
Every glance, every smile
Must give me away
And I feel so much I can't hide
this heart of mine was broken at 11:42:00 AM
0 people tried to mend this shattered heart
0 people tried to mend this shattered heart
Dear heart,
i am in the worst mood today... but i have an interesting quote to share with you nonetheless... so here goes...
"Fantasy love is much better than reality love. Never doing it is very exciting. The most exciting attractions are between two opposites that never meet"
-Andy Warhol
i am in the worst mood today... but i have an interesting quote to share with you nonetheless... so here goes...
"Fantasy love is much better than reality love. Never doing it is very exciting. The most exciting attractions are between two opposites that never meet"
-Andy Warhol
this heart of mine was broken at 10:33:00 AM
0 people tried to mend this shattered heart
0 people tried to mend this shattered heart
Dear heart,
as a future educator of this fine country, im gonna make an attempt to teach the world a trick or two about rejection and how to avoid it... or show it does not affect u, even though its killing you inside...
[[ good confessions - steering away from being blown off ]]
when telling someone how you feel:
(uno) , try to hide it while talking about something else... then it s imperative u change the subject right away!
ex: "i like cheeseburgers and you... so cheeseburgers are just hamburgers with cheese, right?"
(dos) be overly dramatic and then play it off as an everyday attack
ex: "ok, not to alarm you but i kinda like you... but dont worry... this happens when i dont take my pills so it will pass"
(tres) try to be non-chalant so they wont feel akward
ex: "that is so funny (punch on the shoulder). no wonder i like you so much. haha"
(cuatro) be threatening or hostile so they cant argue with you
ex: "ok so WHAT? i like you, ok?! do you HAVE a problem?"
(cinco) a letter can do the trick
ex: "dear ___, i like you. if you feel the same, write me back. if not, throw this paper on the floor and i shall NEVER speak to you again. k thanks. bye!"
(seis) act drunk so u can pretend to forget later
ex: "i am soooo wasted! (hicup) man! ive always liked you but i never told you! muahaha! did i mention i am soooo wasted!"
(siete) pretend you liked them before. then see how they feel now.
ex: "man, last summer i used to have the hugest crush on you! you did too? wow if we only knew huh... (cross fingers)" or "man, last winter i had the biggest crush on you! (no response) but i got over it LONG time ago."
(ocho) kiss them then check reaction
ex: good reaction= "ive been wanting to do that since forever" bad reaction= "ak! im sorry. someone told me you were a bad kisser, i was just making sure cuz i defended you (spit)"
(nueve) secret admirer way, see if ure on the list
ex: "hi___, im yuor secret admirer. just checking if you might feel the same. write names of the girls you might EVER consider dating and leave it on the trash can by the phone. if im one of them, i shall get back to you. wink"
(diez) im running out of ideas but...
ex: "hey i like you. if you like me too, thas cool. if not, thas cool too but lets forget this happened, ok?"
yes that ends my lesson... cant believe i thought of ten!! i dont even know if i got the number right... haha o well... correct me later... nights! toodles!
as a future educator of this fine country, im gonna make an attempt to teach the world a trick or two about rejection and how to avoid it... or show it does not affect u, even though its killing you inside...
[[ good confessions - steering away from being blown off ]]
when telling someone how you feel:
(uno) , try to hide it while talking about something else... then it s imperative u change the subject right away!
ex: "i like cheeseburgers and you... so cheeseburgers are just hamburgers with cheese, right?"
(dos) be overly dramatic and then play it off as an everyday attack
ex: "ok, not to alarm you but i kinda like you... but dont worry... this happens when i dont take my pills so it will pass"
(tres) try to be non-chalant so they wont feel akward
ex: "that is so funny (punch on the shoulder). no wonder i like you so much. haha"
(cuatro) be threatening or hostile so they cant argue with you
ex: "ok so WHAT? i like you, ok?! do you HAVE a problem?"
(cinco) a letter can do the trick
ex: "dear ___, i like you. if you feel the same, write me back. if not, throw this paper on the floor and i shall NEVER speak to you again. k thanks. bye!"
(seis) act drunk so u can pretend to forget later
ex: "i am soooo wasted! (hicup) man! ive always liked you but i never told you! muahaha! did i mention i am soooo wasted!"
(siete) pretend you liked them before. then see how they feel now.
ex: "man, last summer i used to have the hugest crush on you! you did too? wow if we only knew huh... (cross fingers)" or "man, last winter i had the biggest crush on you! (no response) but i got over it LONG time ago."
(ocho) kiss them then check reaction
ex: good reaction= "ive been wanting to do that since forever" bad reaction= "ak! im sorry. someone told me you were a bad kisser, i was just making sure cuz i defended you (spit)"
(nueve) secret admirer way, see if ure on the list
ex: "hi___, im yuor secret admirer. just checking if you might feel the same. write names of the girls you might EVER consider dating and leave it on the trash can by the phone. if im one of them, i shall get back to you. wink"
(diez) im running out of ideas but...
ex: "hey i like you. if you like me too, thas cool. if not, thas cool too but lets forget this happened, ok?"
yes that ends my lesson... cant believe i thought of ten!! i dont even know if i got the number right... haha o well... correct me later... nights! toodles!
this heart of mine was broken at 2:14:00 AM
0 people tried to mend this shattered heart
0 people tried to mend this shattered heart
Friday, August 02, 2002
Dear heart,
i think i know what my problem is... well there's two actually...
(uno)
i make too many plans for the weekend... i swear im like superwoman who can be everywhere i said i would... this comes from "fear of being alone" side... i guess im scared someone will cancel and ima hafto be alone... its a bad habit, i know... everytime some person offers to hang out with me... i cant just say no... unless i really dont want to... cuz at the time, it sounds oh-so exciting... but then later, im like "sh*t! ___ and ___ say i promised to hang out with them... but im gonna chill with ___ today." its quite stressful... i get a buncha calls for the day that im scared to answer cuz i cant just say "hey not today." sometimes i can and i play it off like EVERYone shoulda known that... but i guess if you'r top priority, you've got nothing to worry about... unfortunately, no one is top priority at the moment so sucks to be all of you! muahahaha >:D
(dos)
in addition to making too many plans, the hermit side of me somtimes comes out... and i just dont feel like doing ANYthing... so i mope at home just relishing the peace and quite of solitude... and then i dont feel like answering peoples calls at all... and if i do, all i wanna talk about is plans for the weekend after that... so i can get excited about that and that excitement lasts me thru the whole boring day... (boring in a GOOD way) i mean, its cool to go out... but sometimes one just needs to be alone... its quite refreshing not being bothered by other people...
i think thas all i really wanted to say...
i think i know what my problem is... well there's two actually...
(uno)
i make too many plans for the weekend... i swear im like superwoman who can be everywhere i said i would... this comes from "fear of being alone" side... i guess im scared someone will cancel and ima hafto be alone... its a bad habit, i know... everytime some person offers to hang out with me... i cant just say no... unless i really dont want to... cuz at the time, it sounds oh-so exciting... but then later, im like "sh*t! ___ and ___ say i promised to hang out with them... but im gonna chill with ___ today." its quite stressful... i get a buncha calls for the day that im scared to answer cuz i cant just say "hey not today." sometimes i can and i play it off like EVERYone shoulda known that... but i guess if you'r top priority, you've got nothing to worry about... unfortunately, no one is top priority at the moment so sucks to be all of you! muahahaha >:D
(dos)
in addition to making too many plans, the hermit side of me somtimes comes out... and i just dont feel like doing ANYthing... so i mope at home just relishing the peace and quite of solitude... and then i dont feel like answering peoples calls at all... and if i do, all i wanna talk about is plans for the weekend after that... so i can get excited about that and that excitement lasts me thru the whole boring day... (boring in a GOOD way) i mean, its cool to go out... but sometimes one just needs to be alone... its quite refreshing not being bothered by other people...
i think thas all i really wanted to say...
this heart of mine was broken at 10:22:00 AM
0 people tried to mend this shattered heart
0 people tried to mend this shattered heart
Thursday, August 01, 2002
Dear heart,
embarassing secret alert
i cant believe im about to tell you this but im starting to have feelings for someone (again)... yeah for all you lame-o's, ure thinking "aww she wants me. i KNEW it!" but no... its not u, sweetie pie... its this guy... =) and i KNOW i shouldnt like him... i know that... but you cant tell your heart who to choose... it just does it, ya know?
it could be anyone, mind you... so dont jump into any conclusions... i wonder if he'll read this... but i never wanna tell him... ya know? dont feel like feeling like an ass on a cold bar... haha... dunno where that came from... but i'd feel dumb if he didnt feel the same way... and even if he did, which would be like a miracle in itself, it wasnt meant to be... its just my blind emotion taking over again... i HATE it when that happens...
but yeah... dont get any ideas please... it really irks me when my object of affection is made public... i know who it is and thats all that matters... all you need to know is that there is someone... my heart isnt as empty anymore...
embarassing secret alert
i cant believe im about to tell you this but im starting to have feelings for someone (again)... yeah for all you lame-o's, ure thinking "aww she wants me. i KNEW it!" but no... its not u, sweetie pie... its this guy... =) and i KNOW i shouldnt like him... i know that... but you cant tell your heart who to choose... it just does it, ya know?
it could be anyone, mind you... so dont jump into any conclusions... i wonder if he'll read this... but i never wanna tell him... ya know? dont feel like feeling like an ass on a cold bar... haha... dunno where that came from... but i'd feel dumb if he didnt feel the same way... and even if he did, which would be like a miracle in itself, it wasnt meant to be... its just my blind emotion taking over again... i HATE it when that happens...
but yeah... dont get any ideas please... it really irks me when my object of affection is made public... i know who it is and thats all that matters... all you need to know is that there is someone... my heart isnt as empty anymore...
this heart of mine was broken at 10:08:00 PM
0 people tried to mend this shattered heart
0 people tried to mend this shattered heart
Dear heart,
its funny but i noticed guys really just want one thing... haha NO not that... but they want a chance...
well, lately all guys ask for is a chance... a chance at what? to get laid? to prove themselves? the second one is the more devious one and most played out... because it all goes back to number one but with more bullsh*t and games... its almost like comedy having guys prove to you they are different from the rest... i suppose all guys think that deep down inside... even the players... they think they arent the typical guy... that everyone else is the same, except them... that they are special somehow... the funny thing about that is... they arent... and the ones who are so damn sure of themselves turn out to be the worst TYPICAL guy of them all...
guys always throw lines like "im not like them" or "i wouldnt do that"... but in the end, its always the same... they do exactly what they say they wouldnt... and its even worse cuz u dont expect it from these boys... when they really are the same... i know i'd like to think someone out there is different from the rest, but then i'd have to turn lesbian now, wont i? cuz boys are the same... they cant help it... thats why we call em "boys"...
just a lil piece of advice... even when you think they are different, they arent... when you meet a guy and know he is exactly like every other boy out there, then you know he isnt bullsh*tting u... cuz if he lets you know from the start... he has nothing to hide... and maybe he's a keeper... twisted way of looking at things? maybe... but it works...
its funny but i noticed guys really just want one thing... haha NO not that... but they want a chance...
well, lately all guys ask for is a chance... a chance at what? to get laid? to prove themselves? the second one is the more devious one and most played out... because it all goes back to number one but with more bullsh*t and games... its almost like comedy having guys prove to you they are different from the rest... i suppose all guys think that deep down inside... even the players... they think they arent the typical guy... that everyone else is the same, except them... that they are special somehow... the funny thing about that is... they arent... and the ones who are so damn sure of themselves turn out to be the worst TYPICAL guy of them all...
guys always throw lines like "im not like them" or "i wouldnt do that"... but in the end, its always the same... they do exactly what they say they wouldnt... and its even worse cuz u dont expect it from these boys... when they really are the same... i know i'd like to think someone out there is different from the rest, but then i'd have to turn lesbian now, wont i? cuz boys are the same... they cant help it... thats why we call em "boys"...
just a lil piece of advice... even when you think they are different, they arent... when you meet a guy and know he is exactly like every other boy out there, then you know he isnt bullsh*tting u... cuz if he lets you know from the start... he has nothing to hide... and maybe he's a keeper... twisted way of looking at things? maybe... but it works...
this heart of mine was broken at 9:47:00 PM
0 people tried to mend this shattered heart
0 people tried to mend this shattered heart
[[ lyrics of the moment ]]
I'm sexy, I'm cute
I'm popular to boot
I'm b!tch!n, great hair
The boys all love to stare
I'm wanted, I'm hot
I'm everything you're not
I'm pretty, I'm cool
I dominate this school
Who am I, just guess
Guys wanna touch my chest
I'm rockin, I smile
And many think I'm vile
I've got it, I jump
You can look but don't you hump
I'm major, I roar
I swear I'm not a whore
We cheer, and we lead
We act like we're on speed
Hate us cause we're beautiful
Well we don't like you either
We're cheerleaders
We are cheerleaders
I'm sexy, I'm cute
I'm popular to boot
I'm b!tch!n, great hair
The boys all love to stare
I'm wanted, I'm hot
I'm everything you're not
I'm pretty, I'm cool
I dominate this school
Who am I, just guess
Guys wanna touch my chest
I'm rockin, I smile
And many think I'm vile
I've got it, I jump
You can look but don't you hump
I'm major, I roar
I swear I'm not a whore
We cheer, and we lead
We act like we're on speed
Hate us cause we're beautiful
Well we don't like you either
We're cheerleaders
We are cheerleaders
this heart of mine was broken at 11:27:00 AM
0 people tried to mend this shattered heart
0 people tried to mend this shattered heart