Tuesday, January 01, 2008
asking for what you want is the first step to getting what you want
Dear heart,
so sunday james never ends up calling me. anty comes over anyway and we go stalking james and his friends house. haha. then we go to starbucks and borders and just laugh at random crap.
i text james my non-chalant "another time then? =)" like it doesn't bother me that he just flaked on me without calling. anty leaves my room pretty late like at 2:30 and i was tired before then. right when she leaves, i'm all up so i go on the space and actually stay up till 5 in the morning.
for some reason, i start to feel a little bad and i actually had the guts to text him about it. "Sometimes i don't understand you. I think i shake it off all those times because i like you and talking to you or hanging out with you makes me forget things. I wish you'd tell me if things came up. I'm really cool and understanding, if you can't tell already. I can take it if you can't hang out with me. I just wanted to let you know for next time because it hurts when you just leave me hanging. Call me later."
when i was texting that and reading it over, i started to cry. i really liked him but i didn't want to feel that kind of pain anymore just for caring about someone. i didn't care anymore if it made me seem girly or needy, but i had to let him know that crap bothers me.
in the morning he calls me and leaves a message with some excuse i don't believe. i just text him to go to the mall with me and he does come with me. he looked so cute and we were both wearing blue. he helped me pick out my dress and went to every store with and waited as i tried on clothes. he has bad anxiety around crowds. once i accidentally left him trapped behind some people and he told me never to do it again.
it just made me happy. i felt like a couple and i knew he hated the mall because of the crowd but i knew he felt bad. i'm glad we went.
so sunday james never ends up calling me. anty comes over anyway and we go stalking james and his friends house. haha. then we go to starbucks and borders and just laugh at random crap.
i text james my non-chalant "another time then? =)" like it doesn't bother me that he just flaked on me without calling. anty leaves my room pretty late like at 2:30 and i was tired before then. right when she leaves, i'm all up so i go on the space and actually stay up till 5 in the morning.
for some reason, i start to feel a little bad and i actually had the guts to text him about it. "Sometimes i don't understand you. I think i shake it off all those times because i like you and talking to you or hanging out with you makes me forget things. I wish you'd tell me if things came up. I'm really cool and understanding, if you can't tell already. I can take it if you can't hang out with me. I just wanted to let you know for next time because it hurts when you just leave me hanging. Call me later."
when i was texting that and reading it over, i started to cry. i really liked him but i didn't want to feel that kind of pain anymore just for caring about someone. i didn't care anymore if it made me seem girly or needy, but i had to let him know that crap bothers me.
in the morning he calls me and leaves a message with some excuse i don't believe. i just text him to go to the mall with me and he does come with me. he looked so cute and we were both wearing blue. he helped me pick out my dress and went to every store with and waited as i tried on clothes. he has bad anxiety around crowds. once i accidentally left him trapped behind some people and he told me never to do it again.
it just made me happy. i felt like a couple and i knew he hated the mall because of the crowd but i knew he felt bad. i'm glad we went.
this heart of mine was broken at 3:48:00 PM
0 people tried to mend this shattered heart
0 people tried to mend this shattered heart