Thursday, November 01, 2007
what if i fall further than you?
Dear heart,
i should be used to disappearing acts by now. either i'm great at doing it or people seem to know how to just duck out of my life with not so much as a "i'm sorry. i can't. don't hate me." maybe this doesn't happen as often as i make it seem but... man, do i feel stupid right now! it really felt like it came out of left field. everything was going so well. i actually thought he was a decent human being. someone who made my paranoid thoughts null and void where he deserved the benefit of the doubt. but i was all wrong. WRONG WRONG WRONG!
i can't say it enough to myself how utterly wrong i was about him. hoe completely blind i was and how foolish i feel for actually believing in someone like him.
i just wanna wallow in this emptiness i suddenly feel. after troy, i missed him but i was ok with that. for a long time i was empty and i was used to it. then james comes along filling me with all this hope and then taking it away makes me hunger for what i thought i might be able to have. it makes me notice how completely starved i am for whatever it is i thought he had to offer- companionship.
i should be used to disappearing acts by now. either i'm great at doing it or people seem to know how to just duck out of my life with not so much as a "i'm sorry. i can't. don't hate me." maybe this doesn't happen as often as i make it seem but... man, do i feel stupid right now! it really felt like it came out of left field. everything was going so well. i actually thought he was a decent human being. someone who made my paranoid thoughts null and void where he deserved the benefit of the doubt. but i was all wrong. WRONG WRONG WRONG!
i can't say it enough to myself how utterly wrong i was about him. hoe completely blind i was and how foolish i feel for actually believing in someone like him.
i just wanna wallow in this emptiness i suddenly feel. after troy, i missed him but i was ok with that. for a long time i was empty and i was used to it. then james comes along filling me with all this hope and then taking it away makes me hunger for what i thought i might be able to have. it makes me notice how completely starved i am for whatever it is i thought he had to offer- companionship.
this heart of mine was broken at 9:40:00 PM
0 people tried to mend this shattered heart
0 people tried to mend this shattered heart