Friday, November 02, 2007

theories or wishful thinking

Dear heart,

talking to brenda yesterday, it inspired me to make a list of possibilites as to WHY the F*** james hasn't contacted me at all:

1. he might have realized we would never work because of avery.
2. he might still feel upset about the monday night incident.
3. he got back with avery's mom.
4. he lost his phone.
5. he broke his phone.
6. he was killed in somwe tragic accident or intended murder.
7. he is injured and in the hopsital.
8. he found something better to do that night, flaked, and now finds it awkward to call me.
9. he met another girl that he likes better.
10. he got what he wanted from me and found no more reason to continue this relationship.
11. i might have given it up too soon and now he either thinks i do it all the time or is bored without the challenge.
12. he is going through some drama that he doesn't want to involve me in.
13. he realizes he hasn't liked someone like this that it is freaking him out and he's pushing me away.
14. he fell into some hardcore drugs that has him staying at dirty hotels and he's too embarassed to let anyone know about it.
15. maybe i'm too much for him too soon that he needs space.
16. he has no balls and can't tell me that he's just not that into me.
17. he got kidnapped by some hoodlums hired by avery's mom.

that's all i've got right now but i have a wild imagination so who knows what i will add to my list later. it still baffles me at how blatant this rejection is. even though i've been strong and not called/texted him, i still can't help but think about when and where exactly things went wrong. it was all going so well. it's as if he just disappeared. it's a big blow to my ego. i hate it. i just wish i had some clue as to what the f*** was going on!

this heart of mine was broken at 9:40:00 PM
1 people tried to mend this shattered heart

Cast List

Checklist


    x keeps his promises
    x no smoking
    x no drinking
    x drinks with me
    x can drive
    x 21 and over
    x has a job
    x attractive or endearingly cute
    x makes me laugh
    x i can make him laugh
    x has a car
    x tough on the outside, a softy when it comes to me
    x no hardcore drugs
    x gets along with my friends
    x can get jealous
    x trusts me to let me go out with guy friends
    x honest, even when it hurts
    x can go shopping with me and tells me what he likes on me
    x kisses nice
    x does little sweet things
    x calls all the time
    x has a cell phone
    x smells good- either cologne sexy or has a natural comforting smell which i judge for myself
    x parents love me
    x friends love me
    x likes seafood and asian food
    x cooks for me
    x let's me be in control
    x is in control
    x not abusive
    x i can joke with
    x pokes fun at me and vice versa
    x loves my weirdness
    x wears beach clothing or GQ clothes or skater clothes
    x respect privacy
    x my best friend
    x smart
    x goes to school
    x my parents like him
    x doesn't have a significant ex who can come back
    x no girlfriend
    x can act mature but also playful with me
    x i can play-fight with like wrestling
    x likes falling asleep on the phone
    x likes my music
    x shy but opens up to me
    x will never cheat
    x won't drive me to cheat
    x flirts with me
    x can say im beautiful even when i dont have make-up on
    x let's me dress him or style his hair
    x goes to church with me
    x loves to kiss me, hold me, touch me
    x publicly displays his affection
    x sings even when he can't
    x chooses me over his friends
    x would do anything for me
    x likes coffee
    x wears shorts sometimes
    x not a workaholic
    x puts himself in my place when we fight
    x isn't all talk but no action
    x holds me when we sleep
    x can fart in front of me
    x can fart in front of him
    x joins me when im weird
    x listens to my problems, even when they are about him


    [[ RECOMMENDED ]]
    x wears glasses
    x watches chick flicks or willing to watch foreign films
    x lives within a 20 minute radius of my house
    x takes me shopping
    x likes to read
    x good in bed
    x goes to my school
    x new in bed
    x loves coffee the way i make it
    x boxers!
    x sings in the shower
    x picks flowers for me
    x british, australian, french accents
    x watches smallville or dawsons creek
    x financially secure (RICH)
    x has no girl pals but me
    x rarely hangs with the boys and takes me when he does
    x a fireman
    x drives a truck
    x wears flip flops
    x half white? hehe

Those Days




since april.01.2002