Thursday, November 15, 2007
slowly but surely
Dear heart,
i know its late and i should be asleep but i just came from james' house and i wanted to write about it.
today was a really bad day at work. i seriously just wanted to walk out of there and quit. i texted people on advice and james actually knew what to say. he said to be strong and to not get mad cuz it'll just ruin my day. he told me to just look forward to milk which he meant the strawberry milk he bought for me at his house. it made me smile. the other advice that made me smile was from vee where he said "you can't quit the Y. you ARE the Y!" i liked that.
anyway, after work i came home and vented to my mom a bit. then i drove to his house with some videos. since he was having a terrible day too due to baby momma drama, i brought him a piece of cake from home and this "shit list" thing where you write people's offenses. we watch movies and he says almost akwardly that it was nice to see me and that i look good. i was a bit taken back because it came from nowhere. he actually gets a text from stacy and he had to go call her back. i guess she doesn't pick up and he tries to explain things to me but i don't really wanna hear it. i don't think i can be too supportive of the baby momma thing. my brain just seems to check out when he mentions her. but he explains that she texted him something about the daughter not being important and then when he tried calling her, the phone was off. he left a message and we continued watching. we start to get a bit closer and i guess she calls him back. i ask him if he needed to get that and he says something like getting a taste of her own medicine.
we start kissing and i'm barely getting off my rag so i was worried about bleeding. i check in the bathroom and nothing. we do it and there's blood. he mentions it and when i start to apologize he tells me not to worry about it. that was 11. we basically sit and talk in his room until 2. he starts to feel nauseaus. i felt bad for him. eventually i start to get my stuff together and he puts his shirt on. he walks me out and mentions about the last time he had avery, hence when he "went to jail." i figured he spent it with avery's mom but i guess he did hang with his daughter.
maybe he lied because he didn't have money for pho or he was still in that area that he didn't know how to tell me he couldn't go. it's messed up but i do it too. i know how intimidating telling someone "i can't go after all" can be. then each day that passed just made it worse that he had to come up with some elaborate story, like i usually do, to excuse himself. it's wrong to lie and i'm sure he lies about random crap but then so do i. i guess i'm slowly piecing this puzzle together as to why i should or should not hate him.
i know its late and i should be asleep but i just came from james' house and i wanted to write about it.
today was a really bad day at work. i seriously just wanted to walk out of there and quit. i texted people on advice and james actually knew what to say. he said to be strong and to not get mad cuz it'll just ruin my day. he told me to just look forward to milk which he meant the strawberry milk he bought for me at his house. it made me smile. the other advice that made me smile was from vee where he said "you can't quit the Y. you ARE the Y!" i liked that.
anyway, after work i came home and vented to my mom a bit. then i drove to his house with some videos. since he was having a terrible day too due to baby momma drama, i brought him a piece of cake from home and this "shit list" thing where you write people's offenses. we watch movies and he says almost akwardly that it was nice to see me and that i look good. i was a bit taken back because it came from nowhere. he actually gets a text from stacy and he had to go call her back. i guess she doesn't pick up and he tries to explain things to me but i don't really wanna hear it. i don't think i can be too supportive of the baby momma thing. my brain just seems to check out when he mentions her. but he explains that she texted him something about the daughter not being important and then when he tried calling her, the phone was off. he left a message and we continued watching. we start to get a bit closer and i guess she calls him back. i ask him if he needed to get that and he says something like getting a taste of her own medicine.
we start kissing and i'm barely getting off my rag so i was worried about bleeding. i check in the bathroom and nothing. we do it and there's blood. he mentions it and when i start to apologize he tells me not to worry about it. that was 11. we basically sit and talk in his room until 2. he starts to feel nauseaus. i felt bad for him. eventually i start to get my stuff together and he puts his shirt on. he walks me out and mentions about the last time he had avery, hence when he "went to jail." i figured he spent it with avery's mom but i guess he did hang with his daughter.
maybe he lied because he didn't have money for pho or he was still in that area that he didn't know how to tell me he couldn't go. it's messed up but i do it too. i know how intimidating telling someone "i can't go after all" can be. then each day that passed just made it worse that he had to come up with some elaborate story, like i usually do, to excuse himself. it's wrong to lie and i'm sure he lies about random crap but then so do i. i guess i'm slowly piecing this puzzle together as to why i should or should not hate him.
this heart of mine was broken at 2:41:00 AM
0 people tried to mend this shattered heart
0 people tried to mend this shattered heart