Wednesday, October 17, 2007
not tonight
Dear heart,
i don't know what it is but when i don't get immediate reponses for texts or calls to james- i start having minor panic attacks where i swear he's changed his mind about me. but i've played it cool and never let him see how unglued i get. and of course, eventually he calls and soothes all my worries giving me more evidence at how truly paranoid i can be for no reason. it is anty day today so i was kinda mopey with her because he hadn't called me back yet. then he calls me while we're at ross and i guess he's had a looooong day at work. we joke about random things and i kinda wanted to stay on the phone but i didn't want to be rude so i asked if i could just call him later. and he said definitely. it turns out i JUST got done right now watching legally blonde the musical with anty and he doesn't pick up because he's probably already sleeping. i know he has work at 4:30 in the morning and i'm sure he usually stays up till 12 when i make him lose track of time talking to me.
i remember we were talking about how we noticed right after we got off the phone that we talked for 3 hours when it seemed so much less. it's funny how he brought it up and was surprised to find i knew exactly what he meant. i miss our nightly chat. i know its only been 2 days in a row but i was looking forward to 3 in a row. i don't regret spending all that time with anty at all but i just wish he coulda stayed up a little longer. i need to stop being selfish. hopefully i talk to him tomorrow and we go out soon... *cross my fingers it'll be tomorrow. i just wanna get this first date over and done with. i feel like each day the anxiety just builds because we have such a fantastic time over the phone and seeing each other is just out of arms reach. it's going to be either tomorrow or thursday but i want it tomorrow so i can see him once this weekend without having it seem excessive. a day or two in between dates is just what it needs to keep it exciting and even have us slightly maybe even miss each other.
argh i guess i should just go to bed...
i don't know what it is but when i don't get immediate reponses for texts or calls to james- i start having minor panic attacks where i swear he's changed his mind about me. but i've played it cool and never let him see how unglued i get. and of course, eventually he calls and soothes all my worries giving me more evidence at how truly paranoid i can be for no reason. it is anty day today so i was kinda mopey with her because he hadn't called me back yet. then he calls me while we're at ross and i guess he's had a looooong day at work. we joke about random things and i kinda wanted to stay on the phone but i didn't want to be rude so i asked if i could just call him later. and he said definitely. it turns out i JUST got done right now watching legally blonde the musical with anty and he doesn't pick up because he's probably already sleeping. i know he has work at 4:30 in the morning and i'm sure he usually stays up till 12 when i make him lose track of time talking to me.
i remember we were talking about how we noticed right after we got off the phone that we talked for 3 hours when it seemed so much less. it's funny how he brought it up and was surprised to find i knew exactly what he meant. i miss our nightly chat. i know its only been 2 days in a row but i was looking forward to 3 in a row. i don't regret spending all that time with anty at all but i just wish he coulda stayed up a little longer. i need to stop being selfish. hopefully i talk to him tomorrow and we go out soon... *cross my fingers it'll be tomorrow. i just wanna get this first date over and done with. i feel like each day the anxiety just builds because we have such a fantastic time over the phone and seeing each other is just out of arms reach. it's going to be either tomorrow or thursday but i want it tomorrow so i can see him once this weekend without having it seem excessive. a day or two in between dates is just what it needs to keep it exciting and even have us slightly maybe even miss each other.
argh i guess i should just go to bed...
this heart of mine was broken at 12:14:00 AM
0 people tried to mend this shattered heart
0 people tried to mend this shattered heart