Sunday, October 28, 2007
easier thought than done
Dear heart,
i find myself wondering if i've been too much too soon. i guess i'm so used to being a certain way after sex that i can't remember acting and being such a sap. i guess with most things i just try to get it over with because i saw it as a reason for men to be fake and just try to impress you when they really just want to get into your pants.
even though its only been 3 dates, which was really 2 weeks later, i feel like i really wanted to wait with this one. i knew i liked him aside from his parental status, his drug addiction and alcoholism, and unemployment. i would try to use these reasons or find new ones to just talk myself out of liking him. but like most things, it's easier thought then done. when we're around each other, it's amazing how i feel like there's nothing to worry about at all. i feel like he's all about me when he's holding my hand, holding me, and slowly holding my heart. and there are no paranoid thoughts when he is around. it's almost impossible to even believe he wants someone else because he makes me feel so fabulous and special. then we're apart and it slowly hits me how equally fabulous he is. i don't know how a guy like him can act the way he does with me. i don't even read the jerk element from him.
then tell me why he hasn't called me all day. maybe i'm becoming too needy and he senses it. i really try not to but then i can't help wanting to communicate with him so i text or call him. i made a resolution that i wouldn't call or text until he does it to me. but so far today- NOTHING! if he can hold his own, then i don't see why i can't. i really need to separate my affections from being dependent on people. i should be the non-clingy woman i always preach my girlfriends to be...
i find myself wondering if i've been too much too soon. i guess i'm so used to being a certain way after sex that i can't remember acting and being such a sap. i guess with most things i just try to get it over with because i saw it as a reason for men to be fake and just try to impress you when they really just want to get into your pants.
even though its only been 3 dates, which was really 2 weeks later, i feel like i really wanted to wait with this one. i knew i liked him aside from his parental status, his drug addiction and alcoholism, and unemployment. i would try to use these reasons or find new ones to just talk myself out of liking him. but like most things, it's easier thought then done. when we're around each other, it's amazing how i feel like there's nothing to worry about at all. i feel like he's all about me when he's holding my hand, holding me, and slowly holding my heart. and there are no paranoid thoughts when he is around. it's almost impossible to even believe he wants someone else because he makes me feel so fabulous and special. then we're apart and it slowly hits me how equally fabulous he is. i don't know how a guy like him can act the way he does with me. i don't even read the jerk element from him.
then tell me why he hasn't called me all day. maybe i'm becoming too needy and he senses it. i really try not to but then i can't help wanting to communicate with him so i text or call him. i made a resolution that i wouldn't call or text until he does it to me. but so far today- NOTHING! if he can hold his own, then i don't see why i can't. i really need to separate my affections from being dependent on people. i should be the non-clingy woman i always preach my girlfriends to be...
this heart of mine was broken at 8:33:00 PM
0 people tried to mend this shattered heart
0 people tried to mend this shattered heart