Monday, September 10, 2007
unexpectations from anthony
Dear heart,
things with anthony are so strange. like he always acts very platonic then drops bombs when i don't see it coming. we went to eat on saturday and a converstion went like this:
him: i'm really excited!
me: why? cuz you're eating sumi salad?
him: no because i get to hang out with you.
me: ookkk.... you swear.
him: no, really. i haven't seen you in a long time.
me: well, you sure don't act like it.
him: just because i don't act like it, doesn't mean i don't feel it.
me: that's true.
then random conversations about him washing and vaccuming his car because he was gonna see me. i laughed at him because i always think its a joke but he's serious. he mentions that he's always trying to impress me. it was almost adorable that mr. popularity wanted to impress lil ol me. anyway, we end up watching mr. beans holiday and though i thought he would hate it- we laughed throughout the entire movie. then last night he came by after some date. he wanted to come inside to say hi to my parents but i told him it was too late. he just parked in my driveway and we talked for a bit. he told me i looked pretty cuz i hardly had any make-up on. when guys tell me that crap, i always think they are full of it.
then today we went to borders and anna's linens. i wanted to buy a candle and look at books. i think i've been seeing him way too much. i guess i'm trying to occupy my time as i waited for troy's response. hanging out with anthony helped me realize that there was life after love. i had friends. and maybe eventually troy would be my friend. i love him so much and i never want to lose him. it's weird but i think i was in love with troy but not crazy about him. i don't know how to explain that but i was thinking about it when driving home. i haven't been crazy about someone since... michael? i guess being crazy about someone is just never getting enough of someone even after the first couple of months.
anyway, the 20th is coming and that is 100 days. i can't believe anthony was right that it wouldn't last that long. i could have bet my life on it that we would have still been together for AT LEAST christmas time. actually, i really never saw it end with troy and now it has and i must move on.
random troy thought:
it's funny how he says it can never work with me yet he lusts over some girl who will never even love him. i was being my stalker self and looking through her page and saw this guy call her babe. i clicked on the plain looking mexican guy and saw one of her comments to him was i love you in german. i know she will never say that to him yet he holds on for a chance at that unrequited love. life is funny like that, i guess. i hope he misses me forever. i hope he misses me more than her. i hope he regrets every day not being with me. sounds like its time for another poem. but this time- no pathetic "take me back" crap. just pure sadness, hurt, and anger is always the best recipe in my poems.
i'm taking thursday off just because. i think i shall work on my storytelling projects then maybe spend it with anthony since its his day off. i think i will call him right now to confirm. go to bed! this has been one loooong day! but i am proud of your 37 minute cardio and 40 crunches both sides, and 40 normal ab crunches. working out is the best when you're stressed!
things with anthony are so strange. like he always acts very platonic then drops bombs when i don't see it coming. we went to eat on saturday and a converstion went like this:
him: i'm really excited!
me: why? cuz you're eating sumi salad?
him: no because i get to hang out with you.
me: ookkk.... you swear.
him: no, really. i haven't seen you in a long time.
me: well, you sure don't act like it.
him: just because i don't act like it, doesn't mean i don't feel it.
me: that's true.
then random conversations about him washing and vaccuming his car because he was gonna see me. i laughed at him because i always think its a joke but he's serious. he mentions that he's always trying to impress me. it was almost adorable that mr. popularity wanted to impress lil ol me. anyway, we end up watching mr. beans holiday and though i thought he would hate it- we laughed throughout the entire movie. then last night he came by after some date. he wanted to come inside to say hi to my parents but i told him it was too late. he just parked in my driveway and we talked for a bit. he told me i looked pretty cuz i hardly had any make-up on. when guys tell me that crap, i always think they are full of it.
then today we went to borders and anna's linens. i wanted to buy a candle and look at books. i think i've been seeing him way too much. i guess i'm trying to occupy my time as i waited for troy's response. hanging out with anthony helped me realize that there was life after love. i had friends. and maybe eventually troy would be my friend. i love him so much and i never want to lose him. it's weird but i think i was in love with troy but not crazy about him. i don't know how to explain that but i was thinking about it when driving home. i haven't been crazy about someone since... michael? i guess being crazy about someone is just never getting enough of someone even after the first couple of months.
anyway, the 20th is coming and that is 100 days. i can't believe anthony was right that it wouldn't last that long. i could have bet my life on it that we would have still been together for AT LEAST christmas time. actually, i really never saw it end with troy and now it has and i must move on.
random troy thought:
it's funny how he says it can never work with me yet he lusts over some girl who will never even love him. i was being my stalker self and looking through her page and saw this guy call her babe. i clicked on the plain looking mexican guy and saw one of her comments to him was i love you in german. i know she will never say that to him yet he holds on for a chance at that unrequited love. life is funny like that, i guess. i hope he misses me forever. i hope he misses me more than her. i hope he regrets every day not being with me. sounds like its time for another poem. but this time- no pathetic "take me back" crap. just pure sadness, hurt, and anger is always the best recipe in my poems.
i'm taking thursday off just because. i think i shall work on my storytelling projects then maybe spend it with anthony since its his day off. i think i will call him right now to confirm. go to bed! this has been one loooong day! but i am proud of your 37 minute cardio and 40 crunches both sides, and 40 normal ab crunches. working out is the best when you're stressed!
this heart of mine was broken at 10:39:00 PM
0 people tried to mend this shattered heart
0 people tried to mend this shattered heart