Monday, September 17, 2007
too much for a monday
Dear heart,
this morning started out decently enough. i hung out with joana and since i took the day off for my academic advising, i pretty much spent breaks with her. anyway for lunch we get hungry so we head to chronic tacos. i get a text from david and he said he tried to call me but i didn't answer. wtf?! when was that?! of course i get pretty excited. i mean after all, this was the guy i purposely waited around for while pretending to meet lara after class. i lived off getting a hello and once i got a hug from him. i just freeze up with him though so the chance is just blown with that simple fact. anyway, i don't know we exchanged numbers. it was probably a little after or maybe before my accident. either way, we got each others number and never utilized it. i think anty and i visited him at work once. he's just so damn gorgeous that i'm just get completely brain dead when i'm around him. back to his text- so i call him and he starts talking like a nervous kid and i can't understand why he, of all people, would be nervous talking to me. i remember he left me a comment on myspace in the beginning of school mentioning seeing me at school with a question mark.
i'm not dumb. i'm sure he is quite the womanizer. i mean, LOOK AT HIM! but at that second, i don't think of such negativity. i tell him that i'm eating at chronic tacos and he asks me where it is. i figured he wanted to know for future reference. then he says something like i'll meet you up there then. i was so stunned that i was just like "um, ok." when i hung up, i squealed out loud to joana. so he comes by and i see him go inside. i turn my head and pretend i don't see him. i don't want to go chasing some guy. so then i see the reflection in the window that he is coming up behind me and he squeezes my shoulders. normal reaction= flinch in fear of pain in the collarbone area, actual reaction= just happy he is actually touching me, see how retarded my reflexes are! i just thought of how he called his phone retarded and it just seems odd that he would use that word. i guess i just have him on this pedestal that any human-like attribute seems out of this world.
then i introduce him to joana. he asks for a hug and gives me a hug. if he wasn't there, i would seriously have screamed. haha he's very talkative and asks me a bunch of questions, which i found much wittier answers to when he left. i was scared to talk because i thought there might be food in my mouth since i JUST ate. then he said he was going to an angel's game and that he had to start his homework. we said our farewell and guess what? ANOTHER HUG! you can't even imagine how effin happy i was at this point. he told me to call him on tuesday/thursdays so we could do lunch. these are times that i actually just wanna quit work. then he leaves and i see that he has a mustang and not the truck i had hoped for. i finally let all my excitement out to joana and regret not mentioning that i love the angels. damn!
then it went downhill from there. i realized 2 classes i was taking counted double so now i need to find 2 classes to replace them pronto! while i was being frantic, i just wanted to give up like i always did. unfortunately, in all my worrying i lost this book i was avidly reading. thankfully the class i tried to add was very interesting and hilarious.
i wrote a bunch of angry poems that i am proud of. more of i-give-up poems. those are always better than the pathetic hopeful ones i've been writing. i should sleep or do something more productive. blah.
this morning started out decently enough. i hung out with joana and since i took the day off for my academic advising, i pretty much spent breaks with her. anyway for lunch we get hungry so we head to chronic tacos. i get a text from david and he said he tried to call me but i didn't answer. wtf?! when was that?! of course i get pretty excited. i mean after all, this was the guy i purposely waited around for while pretending to meet lara after class. i lived off getting a hello and once i got a hug from him. i just freeze up with him though so the chance is just blown with that simple fact. anyway, i don't know we exchanged numbers. it was probably a little after or maybe before my accident. either way, we got each others number and never utilized it. i think anty and i visited him at work once. he's just so damn gorgeous that i'm just get completely brain dead when i'm around him. back to his text- so i call him and he starts talking like a nervous kid and i can't understand why he, of all people, would be nervous talking to me. i remember he left me a comment on myspace in the beginning of school mentioning seeing me at school with a question mark.
i'm not dumb. i'm sure he is quite the womanizer. i mean, LOOK AT HIM! but at that second, i don't think of such negativity. i tell him that i'm eating at chronic tacos and he asks me where it is. i figured he wanted to know for future reference. then he says something like i'll meet you up there then. i was so stunned that i was just like "um, ok." when i hung up, i squealed out loud to joana. so he comes by and i see him go inside. i turn my head and pretend i don't see him. i don't want to go chasing some guy. so then i see the reflection in the window that he is coming up behind me and he squeezes my shoulders. normal reaction= flinch in fear of pain in the collarbone area, actual reaction= just happy he is actually touching me, see how retarded my reflexes are! i just thought of how he called his phone retarded and it just seems odd that he would use that word. i guess i just have him on this pedestal that any human-like attribute seems out of this world.
then i introduce him to joana. he asks for a hug and gives me a hug. if he wasn't there, i would seriously have screamed. haha he's very talkative and asks me a bunch of questions, which i found much wittier answers to when he left. i was scared to talk because i thought there might be food in my mouth since i JUST ate. then he said he was going to an angel's game and that he had to start his homework. we said our farewell and guess what? ANOTHER HUG! you can't even imagine how effin happy i was at this point. he told me to call him on tuesday/thursdays so we could do lunch. these are times that i actually just wanna quit work. then he leaves and i see that he has a mustang and not the truck i had hoped for. i finally let all my excitement out to joana and regret not mentioning that i love the angels. damn!
then it went downhill from there. i realized 2 classes i was taking counted double so now i need to find 2 classes to replace them pronto! while i was being frantic, i just wanted to give up like i always did. unfortunately, in all my worrying i lost this book i was avidly reading. thankfully the class i tried to add was very interesting and hilarious.
i wrote a bunch of angry poems that i am proud of. more of i-give-up poems. those are always better than the pathetic hopeful ones i've been writing. i should sleep or do something more productive. blah.
this heart of mine was broken at 11:00:00 PM
0 people tried to mend this shattered heart
0 people tried to mend this shattered heart