Sunday, February 18, 2007
why it won't work out
Dear heart,
why is it that when you get what you've always asked for- it isn't necessarily what you wanted?
vince is a perfect example of that. i've been wanting to meet someone that i can be myself with. vince appreciates, encourages, even joins in my corniness. some guys will give me a weird look with some of the things i am into, but he is just so amused by it. sometimes i say off-the-wall things that i'm sure would sound obsurd to any other person but when he hears it he'll just laugh because he knows exactly what i'm talking about.
i feel like we're always on the same page. we have random little jokes that i'm sure a lot of people won't find hilarious. we can watch something and laugh at the exact same times. that might seem like something ordinary but you'd be surprised about the things i find funny and when i laugh, sometimes no one does. but he does. once he texted me that he thought it was lovely that we laugh about the same things.
antoinette actually likes him and she HATES everyone i date! i think she didn't like him at one point when he "broke up" with me but that's because it hurt me and she didn't like that. but as a person, he is cool according to her. she says he is just like me. that's why all three of us can get along so well because we're all so alike. her theory on his craziness is that he probably doesn't want a girlfriend but he likes me a lot so he doesn't know how to act. basically vince is a male version of antoinette who i have amazing sex with. speaking of sex, OMG i am not even kidding you when i say he is THE best. i've had many lovers and by far no one compares to him. that much chemistry and passion has got to cause some kind of explosion.
you'd think that being in sync, same sense of humor, approval from friends, and incredible adventures in the bedroom might equal great relationship- but it doesn't! god a relationship with vince would be chaos filled with suspicion and accusations. i can just see it now. i think the key ingredient we're missing for that perfect package to be a relationship is the trust. we are so damn paranoid of he other person. the difference between the two of us is that if i have some paranoid thoughts and i hear a reasonable explanation, then i stop my craziness and dowse the fire of jealousy. vince, on the other hand, has paranoid thoughts and is so damn stubborn that an explanation won't settle him, instead fan the flame of his suspicion and will just make him angrier. i think in each relationship, you need that blind-trust or you'll just go crazy with all the wondering, which will drive any relationship to the ground.
i don't know if its because we aren't together and the infinite possibilities of what the other person is allowed to be doing drives us mad, or if it will get worse once we're together because now we are in a relationship and cheating would be a direct personal attack. i can just imagine being with vince. he is just so set in his thinking that anything i would say won't penetrate through. i would never win an arguement where i would have to always give in or shut up. the only difficult factor in the whole thing is all the other reasons why we're so good together.
why is it that when you get what you've always asked for- it isn't necessarily what you wanted?
vince is a perfect example of that. i've been wanting to meet someone that i can be myself with. vince appreciates, encourages, even joins in my corniness. some guys will give me a weird look with some of the things i am into, but he is just so amused by it. sometimes i say off-the-wall things that i'm sure would sound obsurd to any other person but when he hears it he'll just laugh because he knows exactly what i'm talking about.
i feel like we're always on the same page. we have random little jokes that i'm sure a lot of people won't find hilarious. we can watch something and laugh at the exact same times. that might seem like something ordinary but you'd be surprised about the things i find funny and when i laugh, sometimes no one does. but he does. once he texted me that he thought it was lovely that we laugh about the same things.
antoinette actually likes him and she HATES everyone i date! i think she didn't like him at one point when he "broke up" with me but that's because it hurt me and she didn't like that. but as a person, he is cool according to her. she says he is just like me. that's why all three of us can get along so well because we're all so alike. her theory on his craziness is that he probably doesn't want a girlfriend but he likes me a lot so he doesn't know how to act. basically vince is a male version of antoinette who i have amazing sex with. speaking of sex, OMG i am not even kidding you when i say he is THE best. i've had many lovers and by far no one compares to him. that much chemistry and passion has got to cause some kind of explosion.
you'd think that being in sync, same sense of humor, approval from friends, and incredible adventures in the bedroom might equal great relationship- but it doesn't! god a relationship with vince would be chaos filled with suspicion and accusations. i can just see it now. i think the key ingredient we're missing for that perfect package to be a relationship is the trust. we are so damn paranoid of he other person. the difference between the two of us is that if i have some paranoid thoughts and i hear a reasonable explanation, then i stop my craziness and dowse the fire of jealousy. vince, on the other hand, has paranoid thoughts and is so damn stubborn that an explanation won't settle him, instead fan the flame of his suspicion and will just make him angrier. i think in each relationship, you need that blind-trust or you'll just go crazy with all the wondering, which will drive any relationship to the ground.
i don't know if its because we aren't together and the infinite possibilities of what the other person is allowed to be doing drives us mad, or if it will get worse once we're together because now we are in a relationship and cheating would be a direct personal attack. i can just imagine being with vince. he is just so set in his thinking that anything i would say won't penetrate through. i would never win an arguement where i would have to always give in or shut up. the only difficult factor in the whole thing is all the other reasons why we're so good together.
this heart of mine was broken at 9:24:00 PM
0 people tried to mend this shattered heart
0 people tried to mend this shattered heart