Monday, February 12, 2007
surrender control
Dear heart,
i think i will make a conscious decision to just trust vince from now on. i'm just going to surrender control. thinking about what he COULD be doing is affecting what i could be doing with my life. if he's going to screw this up, that's his problem. there ARE other guys.
there is anthony who is actually honest and the best relationship i've ever been in. maybe it's the fact that i have other things to distract me from the occasional distance. either way he is there enough for me to not stress out and he is away enough for me to still get those butterflies when i see him. i think that is why the anthony is working out best. i'm not constantly trying to control the situation. i just let him be. i mean, i tried to in the beginning and would stress about it but i think we've moved forward a lot further than any girl that had escalating stress about what's been going on between her and anthony. the thing that really helps ease things with anthony is that i trust him completely. it's hard for me to put that trust on anyone but he has it. i know he'd tell me the truth no matter how much it hurts. but in that way, it can hurt less.
the way i see it, i just can't do anything about what he does and making it my idee fixe doesn't help my attitude towards him that might influence what he might be doing behind my back. the only thing i can control is how i act or how i receive his actions. and now, i will just dust it off my shoulders. i still like him and would like to someday be in a crazy, dramatic relationship with him. but for now, we aren't together so why am i acting like we are? why am i stressing out over someone who might not even be noteworthy in the future?
but he can't trust me, and i wish he would surrender control. i mean, really. what can he do? you will never be with a person 24/7 knowing every little thing that they do, so drop the stress and let them be. put your trust on someone that they won't do anything stupid. cuz that's what i'm doing and i feel like it's just this big weight off my shoulder.
i think i will make a conscious decision to just trust vince from now on. i'm just going to surrender control. thinking about what he COULD be doing is affecting what i could be doing with my life. if he's going to screw this up, that's his problem. there ARE other guys.
there is anthony who is actually honest and the best relationship i've ever been in. maybe it's the fact that i have other things to distract me from the occasional distance. either way he is there enough for me to not stress out and he is away enough for me to still get those butterflies when i see him. i think that is why the anthony is working out best. i'm not constantly trying to control the situation. i just let him be. i mean, i tried to in the beginning and would stress about it but i think we've moved forward a lot further than any girl that had escalating stress about what's been going on between her and anthony. the thing that really helps ease things with anthony is that i trust him completely. it's hard for me to put that trust on anyone but he has it. i know he'd tell me the truth no matter how much it hurts. but in that way, it can hurt less.
the way i see it, i just can't do anything about what he does and making it my idee fixe doesn't help my attitude towards him that might influence what he might be doing behind my back. the only thing i can control is how i act or how i receive his actions. and now, i will just dust it off my shoulders. i still like him and would like to someday be in a crazy, dramatic relationship with him. but for now, we aren't together so why am i acting like we are? why am i stressing out over someone who might not even be noteworthy in the future?
but he can't trust me, and i wish he would surrender control. i mean, really. what can he do? you will never be with a person 24/7 knowing every little thing that they do, so drop the stress and let them be. put your trust on someone that they won't do anything stupid. cuz that's what i'm doing and i feel like it's just this big weight off my shoulder.
this heart of mine was broken at 5:52:00 PM
0 people tried to mend this shattered heart
0 people tried to mend this shattered heart