Thursday, February 15, 2007
enough is enough
Dear heart,
after work, i stopped by vince's even though he wasn't picking up his phone. he looked nice with a sweater and this button down brown shirt. we spent an hour and a half just being next to each other. i was smelling him then rubbing my face against his face, ear, and neck. then i kiss him all over and massage his head. it starts to hit me that i'm starting to like him a lot.
when 8:00 rolls around, he tells me that he has to leave to pomona. when driving away, i think about what he could possibly have planned to look that good and go all the way to pomona for. but i wasn't going to be that person anymore. that's his choice and that's his life. i don' want to be crazy with him because we're not together and it shouldn't matter. he has no reason to be faithul to me except for the fact that it might hurt me. but some of the things he has said has hurt me more than what he ever could do to me.
i was watching american idol with my sister and i went to my computer real quick when there was a commercial. she starts calling me but just ignore her. i figured american idol was back and she just wanted me to come back an watch. well, she comes into my room and gives me the home phone. i thought it was my parents but all i heard was, "what the f*ck are you doing?" whaat?! was the first thing to come into my mind. he was tripping because i didn't answer my phone, which i left in the living room for not even 2 minutes. i couldn't BELIEVE he called my house!!!
i was cooking and we just got along like that spitting our jokes again back and forth. later he asked if i wanted to stop by his place. i told him i could after my parents went to sleep. i was on vicodon so i was fallig asleep. suddenly i get a call at midnight telling me not to leave yet. he sounds weird and i'm confused. he says he'll call me back. so i ask him if i was still coming over later or like another day. he says later but then says something about not really wanting me to sleep over that night. uh... ok. see, now THAT hurt me. i ask him if there is something wrong and he said we'll talk about it tomorrow. he asked when i was done with my stuff and i was confused. what stuff? i told him i got off at 6:30 and he made a sound like "that late?" i told him i'd meet him for my lunch so we could talk. i ask him if i should be worried and he said he doesn't know. i know FOR SURE it's not a good thing or he would have just told me. i ask if it was my fault and he said no which was a relief, for once. but still i know it's something bad so... maybe he's gonna tell me that he's actually seeing someone else or getting back with an ex or something.
i'm feeling very independent today. i thought if he was gonna try breaking up with me again, i'd be fine and acually be relieved. i mean, he is WAY too damn dramatic. i thought i was complicated, but he is something else. two complicated people will just cause major complications. i was seriously ready for anything he threw at me. i was dreading "lunch time" all day long. i was even thinking that if he didn't break it off, i probably would because i was just SO SICK of his crap!
after work, i stopped by vince's even though he wasn't picking up his phone. he looked nice with a sweater and this button down brown shirt. we spent an hour and a half just being next to each other. i was smelling him then rubbing my face against his face, ear, and neck. then i kiss him all over and massage his head. it starts to hit me that i'm starting to like him a lot.
when 8:00 rolls around, he tells me that he has to leave to pomona. when driving away, i think about what he could possibly have planned to look that good and go all the way to pomona for. but i wasn't going to be that person anymore. that's his choice and that's his life. i don' want to be crazy with him because we're not together and it shouldn't matter. he has no reason to be faithul to me except for the fact that it might hurt me. but some of the things he has said has hurt me more than what he ever could do to me.
i was watching american idol with my sister and i went to my computer real quick when there was a commercial. she starts calling me but just ignore her. i figured american idol was back and she just wanted me to come back an watch. well, she comes into my room and gives me the home phone. i thought it was my parents but all i heard was, "what the f*ck are you doing?" whaat?! was the first thing to come into my mind. he was tripping because i didn't answer my phone, which i left in the living room for not even 2 minutes. i couldn't BELIEVE he called my house!!!
i was cooking and we just got along like that spitting our jokes again back and forth. later he asked if i wanted to stop by his place. i told him i could after my parents went to sleep. i was on vicodon so i was fallig asleep. suddenly i get a call at midnight telling me not to leave yet. he sounds weird and i'm confused. he says he'll call me back. so i ask him if i was still coming over later or like another day. he says later but then says something about not really wanting me to sleep over that night. uh... ok. see, now THAT hurt me. i ask him if there is something wrong and he said we'll talk about it tomorrow. he asked when i was done with my stuff and i was confused. what stuff? i told him i got off at 6:30 and he made a sound like "that late?" i told him i'd meet him for my lunch so we could talk. i ask him if i should be worried and he said he doesn't know. i know FOR SURE it's not a good thing or he would have just told me. i ask if it was my fault and he said no which was a relief, for once. but still i know it's something bad so... maybe he's gonna tell me that he's actually seeing someone else or getting back with an ex or something.
i'm feeling very independent today. i thought if he was gonna try breaking up with me again, i'd be fine and acually be relieved. i mean, he is WAY too damn dramatic. i thought i was complicated, but he is something else. two complicated people will just cause major complications. i was seriously ready for anything he threw at me. i was dreading "lunch time" all day long. i was even thinking that if he didn't break it off, i probably would because i was just SO SICK of his crap!
this heart of mine was broken at 10:01:00 AM
0 people tried to mend this shattered heart
0 people tried to mend this shattered heart