Tuesday, December 05, 2006
screwing around, screwing up, and good screwing
Dear heart,
last night i stopped over the t.p. with gifts for him and his friends. i guess i was in SUCH a good mood with my cute outfit and then him treating me like his new girlfriend or something. his friend henry was a little upset the night before because we were pretty loud having sex and then after we LOVE to just talk and talk. in dead silence, whispers sound freakin loud. so he was sleeping and he HAD his headphones on but i guess his music stopped and all he could hear was us. so i bought him earplugs for an I'm-sorry present and he said i was awesome and forgave me. his other friend izzy got hot cheetos since he always asks for it whenever someone goes into a store and then my anthony got a mint chapstick and a 12 pack of condoms. he was very happy with that. his friends were all saying that they "like jojo."
while i sat there, they teased him about changing his status on myspace to "in a relationship." and then henry was like, "no it should be 'married.'" i was mortified but he didn't say anything. he just sat there and smiled. i looked at him like "help me" and he just smiled a little embarassed. had he told his friends about being in a HALF RELATIONSHIP with me? then he asked if i wanted to go with him to hunt for ceviche. so i went along for the ride. before going into the restaurant, he offered me his sweater because he said people were going to stare at my "bajongas." it's funny how he's always so worried and paranoid about that- people staring at my parts. i liked the whole wearing-his-sweater thing. it felt very couply.
when we got back to his t.p. i had to go because i had to go home and watch HEROES. he was eating but when he i told him i was leaving, he puts it down and tells me he's going to walk me to my car. it's weird because we walked and just randomly glanced at each other and smiled with that knowing look, like we both had a secret. i LOVE when he says my name. we hug and he kisses me. we looked at each other and asked if we had bad breath. he started walking away and told me he'd see me tomorrow. i go into my car with a smile. dago? dago who?
so then i get home and my throat is scratchy. i take some nyquil and i never realized how WELL that thing works. towards the end of HEROES, i was ready to pass out. dago said he was going to visit me and sneak into my room but i guess he had a work outing or something. so i just fell asleep. i get a call from him at 2 something in the morning and he's drunk. he asks if he can still come over and what could i say but yes. i asked him why he wanted to come over and he said "to sleep." he comes and he looks SO gorgeous. his cheeks were red from the alcohol. i helped him out of his clothes like it was the most natural thing in the world and snuggle under the covers. he starts kissing me and wants to do it. he even manages to get my underwear off. i stand my ground about not doing it. after he tells me he's glad we didn't do it. i ask him how long i should wait. "a month. 2 years and i'll be in love with you." uh... two effin years?! NO FREAKIN' WAY! he is TOO DAMN good-looking to pass up. but i want to hold for a month just... for me.
so we go to bed. he asked to use the restroom in the morning and thank goodness no one was home because he was throwing up in there for a good 15 minutes. when he got out, i got him some advil and water. we watch an episode of family guy but he was falling asleep. so i turn it off and he goes back to sleep. i take a shower and get ready. he wakes up and we play video games. he gets frustrated because i keep winning. he says he's very competitive so he wouldn't stop playing until he won. after that i had to get ready for work. i lay down for a bit and we start kissing. then we get into the whole "he wants to have sex" thing. i know i shouldn't listen but i want him too. he aked me if i had a condom and i told him where it was. i don't know WHY! it just came out! so then he takes one out and opens it. when i see that, i suddenly felt guilty. i remember finding it rude when i THOUGHT anthony used one of the condoms i bought with other people. now i was guilty of the very thing i was upset about. he puts it on and i felt it would be wasted if we didn't use it. it's weird because he kind of forces my legs open and pushes it in me. in any other circumstance, i would consider that scary but right when i felt it, OMG it was the sh*t!!! he is INCREDIBLE in bed.
random comparison:
♥ anthony is a killer kisser.
♠ dago is a mediocre make-out partner.
♥ anthony is usually a boring, but tender lover.
♠ dago is a passionate, rough, and amazing sexual partner.
anyway, when we are done the guilt settles in more deeply than i ever would have imagined. OMG! now i was screwing 2 guys that i really liked so now i was betraying 2 guys i really liked. i need to stop. i need to put a stop to one of them... but who? i like the possibility of dago. he is the type my family would like and who i could introduce to my friends. anthony is the type i enjoy just being next to him. my relationship with him is more relaxed and natural, but dago its more official and very structured. i don't know how to explain it. i feel bad that i had sex with him but it was SO great it's hard to regret. the only thing is that anthony called me while i was getting dressed and i just felt like crap. i hated missing his phone call.
now i am going to watch a comedy show with anthony and dago wants to come over after. of course neither of them know about the fact that i am in the company of the other. i suck. my heart can't even stay happy about either of these boys because it's too busy feeling guilty about it.
last night i stopped over the t.p. with gifts for him and his friends. i guess i was in SUCH a good mood with my cute outfit and then him treating me like his new girlfriend or something. his friend henry was a little upset the night before because we were pretty loud having sex and then after we LOVE to just talk and talk. in dead silence, whispers sound freakin loud. so he was sleeping and he HAD his headphones on but i guess his music stopped and all he could hear was us. so i bought him earplugs for an I'm-sorry present and he said i was awesome and forgave me. his other friend izzy got hot cheetos since he always asks for it whenever someone goes into a store and then my anthony got a mint chapstick and a 12 pack of condoms. he was very happy with that. his friends were all saying that they "like jojo."
while i sat there, they teased him about changing his status on myspace to "in a relationship." and then henry was like, "no it should be 'married.'" i was mortified but he didn't say anything. he just sat there and smiled. i looked at him like "help me" and he just smiled a little embarassed. had he told his friends about being in a HALF RELATIONSHIP with me? then he asked if i wanted to go with him to hunt for ceviche. so i went along for the ride. before going into the restaurant, he offered me his sweater because he said people were going to stare at my "bajongas." it's funny how he's always so worried and paranoid about that- people staring at my parts. i liked the whole wearing-his-sweater thing. it felt very couply.
when we got back to his t.p. i had to go because i had to go home and watch HEROES. he was eating but when he i told him i was leaving, he puts it down and tells me he's going to walk me to my car. it's weird because we walked and just randomly glanced at each other and smiled with that knowing look, like we both had a secret. i LOVE when he says my name. we hug and he kisses me. we looked at each other and asked if we had bad breath. he started walking away and told me he'd see me tomorrow. i go into my car with a smile. dago? dago who?
so then i get home and my throat is scratchy. i take some nyquil and i never realized how WELL that thing works. towards the end of HEROES, i was ready to pass out. dago said he was going to visit me and sneak into my room but i guess he had a work outing or something. so i just fell asleep. i get a call from him at 2 something in the morning and he's drunk. he asks if he can still come over and what could i say but yes. i asked him why he wanted to come over and he said "to sleep." he comes and he looks SO gorgeous. his cheeks were red from the alcohol. i helped him out of his clothes like it was the most natural thing in the world and snuggle under the covers. he starts kissing me and wants to do it. he even manages to get my underwear off. i stand my ground about not doing it. after he tells me he's glad we didn't do it. i ask him how long i should wait. "a month. 2 years and i'll be in love with you." uh... two effin years?! NO FREAKIN' WAY! he is TOO DAMN good-looking to pass up. but i want to hold for a month just... for me.
so we go to bed. he asked to use the restroom in the morning and thank goodness no one was home because he was throwing up in there for a good 15 minutes. when he got out, i got him some advil and water. we watch an episode of family guy but he was falling asleep. so i turn it off and he goes back to sleep. i take a shower and get ready. he wakes up and we play video games. he gets frustrated because i keep winning. he says he's very competitive so he wouldn't stop playing until he won. after that i had to get ready for work. i lay down for a bit and we start kissing. then we get into the whole "he wants to have sex" thing. i know i shouldn't listen but i want him too. he aked me if i had a condom and i told him where it was. i don't know WHY! it just came out! so then he takes one out and opens it. when i see that, i suddenly felt guilty. i remember finding it rude when i THOUGHT anthony used one of the condoms i bought with other people. now i was guilty of the very thing i was upset about. he puts it on and i felt it would be wasted if we didn't use it. it's weird because he kind of forces my legs open and pushes it in me. in any other circumstance, i would consider that scary but right when i felt it, OMG it was the sh*t!!! he is INCREDIBLE in bed.
random comparison:
♥ anthony is a killer kisser.
♠ dago is a mediocre make-out partner.
♥ anthony is usually a boring, but tender lover.
♠ dago is a passionate, rough, and amazing sexual partner.
anyway, when we are done the guilt settles in more deeply than i ever would have imagined. OMG! now i was screwing 2 guys that i really liked so now i was betraying 2 guys i really liked. i need to stop. i need to put a stop to one of them... but who? i like the possibility of dago. he is the type my family would like and who i could introduce to my friends. anthony is the type i enjoy just being next to him. my relationship with him is more relaxed and natural, but dago its more official and very structured. i don't know how to explain it. i feel bad that i had sex with him but it was SO great it's hard to regret. the only thing is that anthony called me while i was getting dressed and i just felt like crap. i hated missing his phone call.
now i am going to watch a comedy show with anthony and dago wants to come over after. of course neither of them know about the fact that i am in the company of the other. i suck. my heart can't even stay happy about either of these boys because it's too busy feeling guilty about it.
this heart of mine was broken at 4:24:00 PM
0 people tried to mend this shattered heart
0 people tried to mend this shattered heart