Friday, December 22, 2006
not ready to move on yet
Dear heart,
wednesday night, vince ended up sleeping over and sleeping with me. haha! exactly! OMG! sex was AMAZING! that's the only word to describe it. in the morning, he's very helpful. he helps me take my clothes off, in a non-sexual way, because it's pretty difficult to take off a shirt with a broken clavicle. he's constantly worried about me which is endearing. and goodness i LOVE his voice. he sounds like all calm but in a seductive way.
anyway, i go shopping with anthony and his friend drew. he told me he thought my hat was ugly. haha. geez! i saw brenda there and i was relieved to have some other source of estrogen in the group. it's scary how much anthony is similar to her boyfriend! it freaks me out! we take brenda to her car and then he takes drew home. we go to his t.p. and juan is there. juan was actually being nice to me. i thought he hated me. of all his non-kenny friends, juan is the one i have the most in common with. he's smart, likes going to museums, like's the history channel or any kind of learning channel. i think all his friends love me. they were talking about how annoying it is when girls are at the t.p. except me, of course because i'm cool. it's funny how henry caters to me when i'm there. even juan does things for me around the t.p. "joanne looks cold. i'm gonna turn the heater on." or "you need to take your pill? let me get you some water." does anthony understand to do these things? NO!
i'm not saying i am over anthony. i am still unsure as to where vince is going to go. there was the issue of the girl who called me. she said she was the girl he is seeing. so what happened to her? i don't know but i kind of didn't feel the same for anthony. like i was going to be more willing to let him go if wanted to be let go. you know? but then i watch videos or hear sound clips of him laughing and i realize i can't just not talk to him. i do have fun with him. things have just hit a wall right now that i'm injured. i think he's scared to hurt me if he comes too close. who knows. and the lack of physical affection just changes stuff, ya know?
now vince isn't afraid of touching me, obviously. but is that the only thing influencing me now? physical proof of feelings? because i just need to see anthony smile to know i still have feelings for him. i don't even know if i feel anything for vince.
wednesday night, vince ended up sleeping over and sleeping with me. haha! exactly! OMG! sex was AMAZING! that's the only word to describe it. in the morning, he's very helpful. he helps me take my clothes off, in a non-sexual way, because it's pretty difficult to take off a shirt with a broken clavicle. he's constantly worried about me which is endearing. and goodness i LOVE his voice. he sounds like all calm but in a seductive way.
anyway, i go shopping with anthony and his friend drew. he told me he thought my hat was ugly. haha. geez! i saw brenda there and i was relieved to have some other source of estrogen in the group. it's scary how much anthony is similar to her boyfriend! it freaks me out! we take brenda to her car and then he takes drew home. we go to his t.p. and juan is there. juan was actually being nice to me. i thought he hated me. of all his non-kenny friends, juan is the one i have the most in common with. he's smart, likes going to museums, like's the history channel or any kind of learning channel. i think all his friends love me. they were talking about how annoying it is when girls are at the t.p. except me, of course because i'm cool. it's funny how henry caters to me when i'm there. even juan does things for me around the t.p. "joanne looks cold. i'm gonna turn the heater on." or "you need to take your pill? let me get you some water." does anthony understand to do these things? NO!
i'm not saying i am over anthony. i am still unsure as to where vince is going to go. there was the issue of the girl who called me. she said she was the girl he is seeing. so what happened to her? i don't know but i kind of didn't feel the same for anthony. like i was going to be more willing to let him go if wanted to be let go. you know? but then i watch videos or hear sound clips of him laughing and i realize i can't just not talk to him. i do have fun with him. things have just hit a wall right now that i'm injured. i think he's scared to hurt me if he comes too close. who knows. and the lack of physical affection just changes stuff, ya know?
now vince isn't afraid of touching me, obviously. but is that the only thing influencing me now? physical proof of feelings? because i just need to see anthony smile to know i still have feelings for him. i don't even know if i feel anything for vince.
this heart of mine was broken at 4:36:00 PM
0 people tried to mend this shattered heart
0 people tried to mend this shattered heart