Tuesday, December 26, 2006
i hate her!!!!
Dear heart,
omg i just checked anthony's page and i guess he hung out with roxy today and that stupid idiot is trying to be like me posting pics "that he loves" on the space. UGH!!!! i effin hate her so much. i can't even remember the good day we had christmas eve because this anger is blinding me! god!
fine... ok friday- he came over. it was cute because he's always randomly jealous of celebrities i find attractive. he saw eric balfour posted up and he's all "you want his wang." then he said he wanted to do his hair like him. he asked me if i wanted this guys wang and i told him yes even though he had a small weenie. and he asked me why. i told him because he has a sexy body. anthony says, "if i made my body like that, would you want my wang too?" i found it adorable because in so many ways i was alreads his.
then christmas eve, i had a gift exchange with tha, eddie, and antoinette at starbucks. i swear i give really good presents. AND i saw michelle kwan at kabukis. no one believed me that it was her and i didn't have the guts to ask for her autograph or a picture with her because she was with her family and i didn't wanna bug her.
anyway, anthony picks me up and we play halo 2 at the tp with his other roommates. he decides to take a nap so juan is entertaining me with card games and trying to hook up the super nintendo for me. we settle on watching badnews bears. i made anthony lay his head on my lap so i could sit near him. then he just starts watching the movie and hugging me. i guess i miss this type of affection from him. his friends tried to convince him to go to some party with them which had a lot of brujas but he was al "na!" the moment they left, he starts coming close to me and trying to get my attention. i tell him i'm watching the movie so he pauses it and sits next to me. he tells me that its been a really long time and he tries to kiss me. i turn my head because i think i was still a little bitter about discovering that he thinks making out is boring. i tell him to help me with my clothes and i find it cute how awkwardly helpful he is.
i lay down on the couch and i feel weird because its been awhile since i've been naked with him and i felt a little guilty about the vince thing. we starts to kiss me and i can't imagine how anyone can think this is boring. he's the same. kissing me during the entire lovemaking. even when we aren't face to face, he leans over and tries to kiss me. i just felt so hungry for his kisses and really that's all i wanted to do. suprisingly he improved somehow and sex was not bad at all. after, we lay on the couch with just our underwear. he lays on me and we watch the rest of the movie.
after he goes on myspace and tells all his friends merry xmas. i'm all, "what about me?" and he says he's already saying it in person. he told me not to get jealous. haha i turned red. then i guess he was typing something and he turns around and says, "hey i'm only saying love because that's her name. lovejoy. so don't get mad and think i'm calling a girl 'love' ok?" i told him i wasn't even reading what he was writing, but all i could think was that i didn't know i was allowed to be angry at something like that. then why was he being apologetic or making excuses? would he feel the need to make excuses to anybody else?
i told him i had to be home because my dad kept calling me cuz they were waiting for me to go to a family party. he drives me home and i invite him to my birthday thing. i ask him if he's going to take me with him to the ducks game that i got him tickets to for christmas. he kinda laughs about it like "no duh" but i had to be sure.
vince stops by the same night just to see me. he said he needed to see me. i know he's psychotic but talking to him SOMEtimes makes me forget. like, things with vince are moving at a faster pace than it is with anthony and i'm drawn to that. well i think anything compared to getting to a relationship with anthony is considered fast. it's like racing a snail against a blade of grass. i feel a bit guilty because things wih anthony just felt rekindled and here i was with vince. vince even called during lovemaking with anthony. when i heard the ringtone, i wanted to throw my phone against the wall.
today, it was random calls from vince. just telling me that he was thinking of me and randomly flirting with me. i called anthony but he was in the car. he still took the time to ask me how my family party went and told me about his. i heard some girls in the background but thought nothing of it. i GUESS that was roxy. who knows where they went or how deeply he has fallen for her or her for him, but all that doesn't matter. because the thing that is really irking me is the fact that she is number 4 on his top friends now. ok, i'm sorry but she was just one before me and she jumped that many spaces?! wtf did she do? turn his damn d*ck into gold?! i'm so annoyed its making my collarbone hurt. i hate her. but i have now made my profile private where they hafto know my last name and e-mail to request to be my friend. yeah so she can go crazy about what he writes me now. stupid b*tch!
f****CK!!!!
omg i just checked anthony's page and i guess he hung out with roxy today and that stupid idiot is trying to be like me posting pics "that he loves" on the space. UGH!!!! i effin hate her so much. i can't even remember the good day we had christmas eve because this anger is blinding me! god!
fine... ok friday- he came over. it was cute because he's always randomly jealous of celebrities i find attractive. he saw eric balfour posted up and he's all "you want his wang." then he said he wanted to do his hair like him. he asked me if i wanted this guys wang and i told him yes even though he had a small weenie. and he asked me why. i told him because he has a sexy body. anthony says, "if i made my body like that, would you want my wang too?" i found it adorable because in so many ways i was alreads his.
then christmas eve, i had a gift exchange with tha, eddie, and antoinette at starbucks. i swear i give really good presents. AND i saw michelle kwan at kabukis. no one believed me that it was her and i didn't have the guts to ask for her autograph or a picture with her because she was with her family and i didn't wanna bug her.
anyway, anthony picks me up and we play halo 2 at the tp with his other roommates. he decides to take a nap so juan is entertaining me with card games and trying to hook up the super nintendo for me. we settle on watching badnews bears. i made anthony lay his head on my lap so i could sit near him. then he just starts watching the movie and hugging me. i guess i miss this type of affection from him. his friends tried to convince him to go to some party with them which had a lot of brujas but he was al "na!" the moment they left, he starts coming close to me and trying to get my attention. i tell him i'm watching the movie so he pauses it and sits next to me. he tells me that its been a really long time and he tries to kiss me. i turn my head because i think i was still a little bitter about discovering that he thinks making out is boring. i tell him to help me with my clothes and i find it cute how awkwardly helpful he is.
i lay down on the couch and i feel weird because its been awhile since i've been naked with him and i felt a little guilty about the vince thing. we starts to kiss me and i can't imagine how anyone can think this is boring. he's the same. kissing me during the entire lovemaking. even when we aren't face to face, he leans over and tries to kiss me. i just felt so hungry for his kisses and really that's all i wanted to do. suprisingly he improved somehow and sex was not bad at all. after, we lay on the couch with just our underwear. he lays on me and we watch the rest of the movie.
after he goes on myspace and tells all his friends merry xmas. i'm all, "what about me?" and he says he's already saying it in person. he told me not to get jealous. haha i turned red. then i guess he was typing something and he turns around and says, "hey i'm only saying love because that's her name. lovejoy. so don't get mad and think i'm calling a girl 'love' ok?" i told him i wasn't even reading what he was writing, but all i could think was that i didn't know i was allowed to be angry at something like that. then why was he being apologetic or making excuses? would he feel the need to make excuses to anybody else?
i told him i had to be home because my dad kept calling me cuz they were waiting for me to go to a family party. he drives me home and i invite him to my birthday thing. i ask him if he's going to take me with him to the ducks game that i got him tickets to for christmas. he kinda laughs about it like "no duh" but i had to be sure.
vince stops by the same night just to see me. he said he needed to see me. i know he's psychotic but talking to him SOMEtimes makes me forget. like, things with vince are moving at a faster pace than it is with anthony and i'm drawn to that. well i think anything compared to getting to a relationship with anthony is considered fast. it's like racing a snail against a blade of grass. i feel a bit guilty because things wih anthony just felt rekindled and here i was with vince. vince even called during lovemaking with anthony. when i heard the ringtone, i wanted to throw my phone against the wall.
today, it was random calls from vince. just telling me that he was thinking of me and randomly flirting with me. i called anthony but he was in the car. he still took the time to ask me how my family party went and told me about his. i heard some girls in the background but thought nothing of it. i GUESS that was roxy. who knows where they went or how deeply he has fallen for her or her for him, but all that doesn't matter. because the thing that is really irking me is the fact that she is number 4 on his top friends now. ok, i'm sorry but she was just one before me and she jumped that many spaces?! wtf did she do? turn his damn d*ck into gold?! i'm so annoyed its making my collarbone hurt. i hate her. but i have now made my profile private where they hafto know my last name and e-mail to request to be my friend. yeah so she can go crazy about what he writes me now. stupid b*tch!
f****CK!!!!
this heart of mine was broken at 1:16:00 AM
0 people tried to mend this shattered heart
0 people tried to mend this shattered heart