Monday, December 18, 2006
i don't know anymore
Dear heart,
i finally saw him today. nothing significant. watched part of troy and then his friend wanted to be taken home. so he took me home after he dropped off his friend. everything was all- not like we left off at all. i asked if he could come out and hug me and we kissed. his eyes were open. i hate that. i feel it means less when they just watch you. it's funny how he knows how long it's been since we last saw each other. it's either because it was an elaborate plan to not see me until there was no other reason left or... no he can't miss me because if he did, he would have seen me.
i don't know. questions on whether i'm dunzo plague me. god! we were making such great progress too! stupid accident! i guess it shows how much he really cares. but anthony is not the relationship type so he has no clue on how to act in this situation. it just bothers me more because that roxy b*tch commented about getting drunk on new years and how she loves him and misses him. i hate her so much. if he spends my birthday with her, i'll die. i will.
he asked me today if i'd mind if he wang banged another bruja in front of me. i gave him that "are you serious?" look. but i was answering my phone a lot with guy voices on the other end and me using my cute girly voice that i don't think i ever really use with him. i was checking the space and he was reading my messages right behind me. and that cute guy from school messaged me which of course i got excited about. maybe it was my never-ending phone that got him annoyed. he had his arm around me when i started the movie but then my phone kept ringing and he asked me to take it off. it would still vibrate and after i checked it, his arm wasn't there anymore.
i'm trying to get over this because i can feel it fading. i don't know if i have it in me to fight for him. i'm helpless. i can't go see him like before. all the effort is going to be up to him and that's a bit much, even if i was him. i know it wasn't my fault but the fact that i can't drive is probably a big turn off. i'm really trying to not let this hurt me. i don't think it can effect me as it might have if i didn't almost lose my life- what's losing another guy? but it sucks when he randomly reminds me why i like him so much just by being around him for a couple of hours. what to do!
i finally saw him today. nothing significant. watched part of troy and then his friend wanted to be taken home. so he took me home after he dropped off his friend. everything was all- not like we left off at all. i asked if he could come out and hug me and we kissed. his eyes were open. i hate that. i feel it means less when they just watch you. it's funny how he knows how long it's been since we last saw each other. it's either because it was an elaborate plan to not see me until there was no other reason left or... no he can't miss me because if he did, he would have seen me.
i don't know. questions on whether i'm dunzo plague me. god! we were making such great progress too! stupid accident! i guess it shows how much he really cares. but anthony is not the relationship type so he has no clue on how to act in this situation. it just bothers me more because that roxy b*tch commented about getting drunk on new years and how she loves him and misses him. i hate her so much. if he spends my birthday with her, i'll die. i will.
he asked me today if i'd mind if he wang banged another bruja in front of me. i gave him that "are you serious?" look. but i was answering my phone a lot with guy voices on the other end and me using my cute girly voice that i don't think i ever really use with him. i was checking the space and he was reading my messages right behind me. and that cute guy from school messaged me which of course i got excited about. maybe it was my never-ending phone that got him annoyed. he had his arm around me when i started the movie but then my phone kept ringing and he asked me to take it off. it would still vibrate and after i checked it, his arm wasn't there anymore.
i'm trying to get over this because i can feel it fading. i don't know if i have it in me to fight for him. i'm helpless. i can't go see him like before. all the effort is going to be up to him and that's a bit much, even if i was him. i know it wasn't my fault but the fact that i can't drive is probably a big turn off. i'm really trying to not let this hurt me. i don't think it can effect me as it might have if i didn't almost lose my life- what's losing another guy? but it sucks when he randomly reminds me why i like him so much just by being around him for a couple of hours. what to do!
this heart of mine was broken at 1:43:00 AM
0 people tried to mend this shattered heart
0 people tried to mend this shattered heart